[ramblingwinny]

Hi friends,

I could like your suggestions as am deeply depressed and feeling helpless.

We are traditional south Indian family who give importance to family values. From my childhood I was brought up in situation where I had never been so much frank or open to my parents about most things. Since I give more importance to individual values which might not be liked by parents , they used to always feel I am not properly groomed.
Now they had been searching for alliance for me for past 1.5 years. Since families here give more importance to caste , horoscope , equal family status ( we are upper middle class ), education , looks of the bride - except one or two alliances , most where rejected on any one parameter. Those few alliances I did not like much and we rejected. And there is no much progress in it.

I was partly frustrated with the rejections and was a bit depressed. At that time I met a guy in a conference whom I liked the first instance. We liked each others company. Subsequently we had few unplanned meetings where our relationship started. There are my own reasons to like the person and feel comfortable with him.After 4 months of a constant relationship , he proposed to marry me as he feels most comfortable and confident that we can make good couples.I informed my parents and they are really upset as I fell in love with a person though I knew that they where looking out for an alliance and they feel this will hurt their prestige in the society. What I feel with my lover is not explainable but he is most understanding in every situation. His parents are fine with me and ready to talk to my parents.We are different cast.He is Brahmani and am gounder. He is financially stable and only son and his family is equally well educated and respects individual values.

Now my relatives and parents are totally against it.They feel I have not respected them enough to think about them before falling in love or accepting his proposal. Am distressed and upset for upsetting them . Not thinking of my current situation and falling in love was unjustifiable but I cannot think of marrying anyone other than my lover.Falling in love with my lover just happened and I let it happen in spite of my situation. My lover is strong enough for both ans he is ready to wait and do anything ( talk to my parents or wait up ) to get married to me.

Kindly suggest how to make them understand my feeling and forgive me and accept my decision.

[Fr_Chuck]

Has he and a elder member of his family come to visit your family ?

[ramblingwinny]

His parents are ready to talk to my parents once they are ready to talk. But my parents are not yet convinced. They feel betrayed because I accepted the proposal though I know parents are searching allaince for me. They feel relatives and people around them will speak wrong. Though I say I can adapt to new traditions , they are saying its impossible and am not matured enough. But I considered and discussed with my partner till the last detail and only when we came to an understanding , I accepted .