[lilsis6158]

My husband and I have been marrige for 38 years. I have just found out a year a go about this child is 14 at the time. So he never said the child wasn't his he said that it a possible that the child is his.So that at that time we never brought the conversation up any more.Iask him to get a blood test he never said anymore about it .So this weekend we go out of town he tell me that he has something to tell me.His brother call him and siad that the mother of the child contact him and said that the child would like to have a relationship with him now he is 17years old.I didn't find this secret out until we werte on ythe way out of town.The child has got in trouble and the judge need to contact the father.How to deal with this. How can someone said he love you and keep this secret for 14 years. But they say they don't want to hurt me.

[pepper81]

Do you have children? If not he may have done this to have a biological child. That does not make it right but men are known to do this. Men who truly love a woman will not leave her and will try to hide the child from her. Remember the child is not to blame for what his parents did. Do you deeply love your husband if so forgive him. And if you don't want the marriage still forgive him. You must decide if you can live with this situation. If so keep your husband and try to work this out. I have been told that divorce feels like a death in the family. I am not divorced but my husband of 23 years died and I would not wish that pain on anyone.

[Fr_Chuck]

Most men will not tell their wife about an affair when it is going on.

Most likely he had no reason to tell you. It is likely that at that time a year ago, he knew the child may be contacting and he had no choice but to tell you, at least start the converstation

It appears you accepted it and was OK that it could happen, can't see why there is a issue now a year latter

[lilsis6158]

We have 4 children and they are older than this child.I have just found out about this child 2 years ago.He haven't told me for 14 years.He didn't tell me than my cousin told me because he was paying child support for a child that wasn't his and went to jail so he had a test done and the child wasn't his.So he call and told me thing and my husband call me from work on the same day to tell me about the child.he didn't say anything else about that child until the weekend.How could I accept it and just found out about it?I ask him to do the blood test and he said nothing .Told him to handle it before it got to this point.What am I surpose to do?