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TWIB · Oct 21, 2012, 12:45 PM

My boyfriend of four years (long-distance, and intercultural Asian-Western relationship) always says hurtful things to me and gets really angry to the point where no conversation is possible. I usually get upset and don't talk to him. Or if I tell him that it hurt me he says its because I do have that fault he is pointing out. Sometimes I practice patience, be sort of like a doormat, and sometimes I don't talk to him. Then he doesn't call me back forever and when he calls again he acts like nothing has happened. But I'm still upset and this makes him angry again because I can't let go of it, and that is why we are having these difficulties, because of my negative character. Then when I tell him why he just tells me to stop arguing. And accuses me again the worst stuff. I really do love him and want to be with him and he also loves me, he calls me many times a day to see what I'm doing, almost a little controlling, and really cares for my live and work and helps me with anything. But this constant anger and arguing thing is really draining. Sometimes I just want to be the 'adult' and let him talk (doormat?) but sometimes I feel that its not OK to allow him to treat me like that. What to do?

Gernald · Oct 21, 2012, 01:45 PM

Dump the looser and find someone who actually cares about you.

If this is how he treats you in a long distance relationship, how do you think he will treat you when you live together? Do you think his controlling-ness and constant belittling is going to get better? What's worse is he actually has it twisted to where it's your fault that your fighting, when he's the one who's actually saying the hurtful things.
I'm reading a bit between the lines here but... yeah it's nice that a guy calls you at work to see how you're doing, but to do it to see if you're at work so that he can use your absence against you later is a sign of some serious issues.

What he's doing now is a sign of the future, get out before it's too late!

odinn7 · Oct 21, 2012, 04:01 PM

Don't put up with that. He is not going to get any better. He clearly has no respect for you.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 21, 2012, 04:55 PM

The relationship is over, and really past over. You stop all contact and find someone new.

alainagaastra · Oct 21, 2012, 05:00 PM

Girl just dump him he is lucky to have you and if he doesn't relize that then he doesn't deserve someone like you

Yogapple · Oct 22, 2012, 02:23 AM

I was reading something the other day, & it asked the question:
Why do we spend time with people that treat us like we are nothing.
Answer: We accept the love that we think that we deserve.

Maybe write a list of all the things that you would love in your ideal partner (e.g. emotional maturity, good heart, calm nature, fun to be around, makes you laugh, accepts you for who you are, doesn't try to change/control you, respects/appreciates you). If he's not in alignment with these qualities and making you unhappy, then maybe ask yourself whether you're willing to risk the next 5,10 and even 20 years of your life with someone that is contributing to your unhappiness.

I hope all goes well! : )