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jcalseogng · Oct 19, 2012, 05:48 PM

My daughter has come to live with me after 10 years instead of her mother. She has lived with me for four months now and ORS is still going garnishing my wages. They have sent my ex a change of custody form and she refuse to sign it. The ORS said that they won't stop taking the money until she admits that my child is living with me. She is keeping my daughters material things from her, like clothes, toys, books, keepsakes, etc... I have my daughter in school, I have her inssured, and she is clothed and fed. She is well taken care of here, but her mother has full legal custody. Accourding to the laws in Utah, abandonment is defined as intentionally failing to regain physical custody for a period longer than 30 days. WIll this help me? I have 2 other kids, I work part time, I am a full time student. What can I expect? Do I have rights? I don't have the money to hire a attorny. What can I do?

ScottGem · Oct 19, 2012, 07:04 PM

You have to go to court to modify the custody order. You need to prove that your daughter is living with you.

However you may have a problem here in that you have no right to modify the custody agreement until a court concurs. You should have filed to modify the custody order BEFORE your daughter moved in with you.

jcalseogng · Oct 20, 2012, 06:50 AM

Oh gee thanks scott. I'm aware I need to go court. My question was whether I had ground to stand on. Thanks for letting me know what I SHOULD Have done. If I wanted advice on what I SHOULD have done I would have told how things happened. However, events prevented me from doing what I SHOULD have done and know I'm in the current situation that I need adivice for. So next time my ex kicks my daughter out I will be sure to let her sleep on the street until I do what I SHOULD have done in the fist place. Oh and hey, maybe by then I will have enough money to just get that done. Then maybe. I won't even a little bit of friendly critisim... I mean advice . Thank you sir you've been a big help.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 20, 2012, 06:59 AM

They will keep taking money from you and you legally still owe every penny till you change your custody order.

So if you can't go back to court, just keep paying the child support to the mother, that is how it works.

You are told what to do NOW, go to court, there is nothing else you can do.

Sorry you don't like the truth,

And it iis not abandonment, if the child was sent to your home, it was merely a move.

J_9 · Oct 20, 2012, 07:05 AM

events prevented me from doing what I SHOULD have done and know I'm in the current situation that I need adivice for. So next time my ex kicks my daughter out I will be sure to let her sleep on the street

Had you said that in your original post, Scott's advice may have been different. We can only go by the information you give us and, apparently, you did not give enough information in your original post. You owe Scott an apology for being so sarcastic.

jcalseogng · Oct 20, 2012, 07:06 AM

How do I go about going to court? Also I am a little confused on how if I have physical custody of my daughter, my ex has the right to keep receiving child support. I'm aware of the need for the money while she was with her and I have no problem paying it. But like I said before she is refusing to admit that I have custody. Isn't there something to be done there?

jcalseogng · Oct 20, 2012, 07:12 AM

Your right. Sorry for the sarcasim scott. But, please in the future, I'm not here hear about what I should have done. I'm here for advice on what to do. We're all adults here and none of us need to be lectured. I get enough of that from my ex.

J_9 · Oct 20, 2012, 07:16 AM

Your right. Sorry for the sarcasim scott. But, please in the future, I'm not here hear about what I should have done. I'm here for advice on what to do. We're all adults here and none of us need to be lectured. I get enough of that from my ex.

You are right, but you have to give the entire story from the beginning, which you did not. We are here to help, but that's kind of hard to do when you only get a partial story. No one was actually lecturing you.

Now, what you do his hire a family law attorney. File for a modification of custody and child support. Hopefully your attorney can make it all retroactive if you have enough proof that your daughter was being thrown out of her mother's home.

jcalseogng · Oct 20, 2012, 07:24 AM

Again I'm sorry. Is there anyway to go about this without hiring a lawyer? If there was a way I could afford doing that I would. I work part time, and go to school full time, I have two other kids and a wife who has been out of work for medical reasones. My kids, including my daughter, are all on medicade and we are reciving state assistance for food. I have literally no disposable income.

J_9 · Oct 20, 2012, 07:25 AM

You might be able to apply for legal aid. If you have a law school near you there may be a program through the school where in the legal interns can assist.

ScottGem · Oct 20, 2012, 07:29 AM

Originally Posted by jcalseogng

How do I go about going to court? Also I am a little confused on how if I have physical custody of my daughter, my ex has the right to keep receiving child support. I'm aware of the need for the money while she was with her and I have no problem paying it. But like I said befor she is refusing to admit that I have custody. Isn't there something to be done there?

First, your daughter may be physically living with you, but you do NOT have physical custody of her until a court says you do. This is why I mentioned what I did about what you should have done. It was not to chastise you in hindsight, it was to explain how a court will look at the fact that your daughter moved in with you in contradiction of a court order. Your sarcasm was without merit or justification. I was trying to prepare you for how a court will look at your situation. So sometimes it is helpful to know what you should have done, not a lecture! So you need to get that chip off your shoulder because it will not sit well with the court. Are you going to get sarcastic with the judge when he asks why you didn't apply for custody when the mother kicked your daughter out? Or will you now have an answer for the judge because I prepared you?

The reason the mother still gets support is because there is a standing court order to pay her support. Until that order is rescinded or modified, support still gets paid. Just like you don't have physical custody until a court says you do.

As to filing for a modification, either get an attorney or go to the court that issued the original order, and ask how to petition for a modification.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 20, 2012, 07:32 AM

The child lives with you, YOU do not have physical custody, that is awarded by the state, so until you go to court, you merely have the child living with you, that is far different than legal custody

jcalseogng · Oct 20, 2012, 07:35 AM

Also, what about her personal belongins? Does my ex have the right to keep those from her?

jcalseogng · Oct 20, 2012, 07:40 AM

Your right scott. I apologize. There isn't a lot more I can do. And thank you for help. Sincerely

Fr_Chuck · Oct 20, 2012, 07:42 AM

Who paid for "her" belongings, did the child have a job and pay for them ?
If mom bought them, normally there is nothing you can do, When this goes to court, you can ask the court to order her to return certain things, but normally if mom bought them, mom does not have to send them along.

jcalseogng · Oct 20, 2012, 07:50 AM

Some of her belong were gifts (christmas and birthday) From them and from. Some were items that other family members purchased for her like her grandmother who passed or her cousines or uncles. Some of her item she bought herself with her alllowance. But yes the majority were probably bought and paid for by my ex.

AK lawyer · Oct 20, 2012, 07:59 AM

Originally Posted by jcalseogng

... Also I am a little confused on how if I have physical custody of my daughter, my ex has the right to keep receiving child support. ...

Because, if the court issued the original order, only the court can change it.

Originally Posted by jcalseogng

Again I'm sorry. Is there anyway to go about this without hiring a lawyer? ...

People file, without attorney assistance, applications with courts all the time. It takes a bit of research regarding how to do it, but this particular issue isn't rocket science.

jcalseogng · Oct 20, 2012, 08:10 AM

Originally Posted by AK lawyer

Because, if the court issued the original order, only the court can change it.

People file, without attorney assistance, applications with courts all the time. It takes a bit of research regarding how to do it, but this particular issue isn't rocket science.

Wonderful thank you.

jcalseogng · Oct 20, 2012, 08:15 AM

So my wife brings up a good point. There was never a custody order put in place. I was ordered to pay child. Support because paternity was established. Does this change anything?

AK lawyer · Oct 20, 2012, 08:18 AM

Originally Posted by jcalseogng

So my wife brings up a good point. There was never a custody order put in place. I was ordered to pay child. support because paternity was established. Does this change anything?

Not really. Apparently the mother was the de facto custodian of the child, so you were ordered to pay her child support.