[tinydancer2012]

My ex boyfriend of 4 years recently just got married after being split from me for only a year. I'm certain that he had been cheating on me with this woman during our relationship. He had also convinced me during our relationship that I deserved the emotional abuse he was giving me. His parting words "you make me want to do this to you."

It has been a year, and I find that recovery is still difficult and now that I have found out he married this woman, I'm crushed. Logically speaking, the relationship was clearly bad for me at the very least, but why am I still mourning a man that was disgusted with my very existence? Was I the problem? Is it normal for me to be still going through the stages of grieving considering it has been a year?

[Fr_Chuck]

After a year, this is unheallty and not really normal to be that upset. You should feel sorry for the women to be having to go though what you did.

You need to start feeling glad he was gone.

In fact, you should try not to even know or care what he is doing. How do you know he is getting married, is it a small town ? Still joint friends?

But I would say counseling is well called for, since if this was a month or two, perhaps still upset,
After a year, it is time he could marry, so nothing wrong with it, after a year. He is gone, moved on, you need to do it also

[Homegirl 50]

Sounds like he did an emotional number on you and you need to get all this anger and hurt out of your system. I suggest a bit of counseling. Talking these feeling through should help. Are you moving on with your life in the meantime?

[talaniman]

I see no problem with the way you feel except that you need more time to fully get over your ordeal with this fellow. Forget him and do something really good for yourself.

You deserve it!

[tinydancer2012]

Yes I am living my life and have recently obtained a degree and pursuing another. Yes it is a small town and a mutual friend sent me pics of the wedding. They look extremely happy which tells me I may have been the problem. I carry guilt and scars from verbal abuse and I can't even show up in this small town without being ignored from people I once thought were friends. No one had any clue what I dealt with. I never cheated on him matter of fact I probably made myself too available. I'm mostly upset that I'm stuck with this baggage and remaining nonsense. At one point this man had convinced me he was going to marry me and I think he used me to clear his bad reputation. Anyway I had already planned on counseling.

[Homegirl 50]

I think it will be good for you.
Good luck. I wish you well.

[joypulv]

I have a feeling that our inability to let go of someone cruel is directly proportional to our uncertainty about our self worth. You said it yourself, 'was I the problem?' STOP that. How many relationships work? I marvel when they do. I wonder how they do.

And how many people look unhappy in wedding pictures? Means NOTHING.

[Fr_Chuck]

No their being happy does not have to be YOU, why would you think it, it means that as a couple, the relationship did not work, nothing has to be wrong either either person. Often wonderful people just don't work out together.