[Abdra]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple of years and have a generally great relationship. We have lots of fun together and have a great connection, but we do have our occasional arguments. The arguments we do have are usually about important issues that we are constantly working on to resolve and have a better understanding of one another.
Whenever we do have an argument or a fight about one of these issues, my boyfriend immediately gets a hold of his friend and goes on a rant about me.

It really bothers me that he feels the need to tell his friend and family about all of the negative things about me and it makes me feel like I’m just getting thrown under the bus.

I never go running to any of my friends or family every time I get mad at him, because I do no think it is fair to talk bad about him to the other people I care about. I don’t want to portray a bad image of him to others and I think there needs to be some sort of privacy in a relationship especially regarding issues that we have between us.

Should I just roll with it and learn to accept the fact that he needs to consult his friend about everything

I have talked to him about it and told him how uncomfortable it makes me feel but then tells me that his friends and family don't think anything bad about me and that I'm just insecure about myself.

[tickle]

I don't think you sound insecure about yourself, you appear to be pretty level headed. I agree that the disgreements should stay private between the two of you. If you have already spoken to him about this issue, I don't know another way to get it across to him other then re-iterating your feelings about this.

[smearcase]

Not a good sign for the future of the relationship because it probably won't get any better, but is there any chance that those friends and family are taking your side? In other words could they be telling him that he is looking at the issues in the wrong way and actually helping you? They must not be telling him to get out of the relationship or if they are he isn't listening.
Sorry for all the maybes and questions but I can't tell for sure if this totally bad, totally good or somewhere in between and one more question- does he ever tell you what advice the others give him? If they just totally take his side- seems like the disputes would never end.
It is not uncommon for people to solicit advice from their friends and family. Who else can they get to help them sort it out unless they see a counselor?

[Abdra]

Not a good sign for the future of the relationship because it probably won't get any better, but is there any chance that those friends and family are taking your side? In other words could they be telling him that he is looking at the issues in the wrong way and actually helping you? They must not be telling him to get out of the relationship or if they are he isn't listening.
Sorry for all the maybes and questions but I can't tell for sure if this totally bad, totally good or somewhere in between and one more question- does he ever tell you what advice the others give him? If they just totally take his side- seems like the disputes would never end.
It is not uncommon for people to solicit advice from their friends and family. Who else can they get to help them sort it out unless they see a counselor?

Smearcase,

From what he told me his friends and family take his side. His friends advise is to get out of the relationship and how they don't know how he does it to stay in this relationship for so long and that he must be tough to take it. After ranting me out he ask me to join his family or friend for dinner and I just feel like crawling under the table.

I dont think you sound insecure about yourself, you appear to be pretty level headed. I agree that the disgreements should stay private between the two of you. If you have already spoken to him about this issue, I dont know another way to get it across to him other then re-iterating your feelings about this.

Thanks Tickle.

[smearcase]

Oh. So much for my theory and possibilities. Do they treat you when you are in their presence as if they have that frame of mind about you?
How do the individual arguments ever get settled if he comes to you and says everybody I talk to says that you are wrong and I am right?
Would he be willing for you both to see a counselor?
Are you willing to "roll with it" for however long the relationship lasts?
It's seems to me a little bit like an employee who asks for an answer to a question and gets an answer they don't like and then goes shopping to find someone of equal authority to see if they can get the answer they were hoping for originally- and those kinds of employees usually get fired unless the first answer was wrong.
Can you give us any examples of the disputes so we can see that your position isn't unreasonable? And maybe age range?