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Lessons101 · Oct 6, 2012, 10:09 AM

So my boyfriend is almost a decade younger than me and works with a lot of females. And hangs out with a lot of these females. He caught me snooping in his phone on multiple occasions and erases all texts he has with his female friends now. Basically I have this nagging feeling that he is cheating or will at least and even if it's valid, there'll never be enough evidence to prove it, communication is key but it's hard when it's allegations. I love him but feel trapped because we just moved in together and we have a 6 months lease. Im not as into it as I was in the beginning because I don't trust him the same and how do I live with this man when all the signs are pointing to infidelity; I just figure stop accusing and chill And ride out the lease. Can anyone suggest a way of talking about it without talking about it?

Wondergirl · Oct 6, 2012, 10:12 AM

What hard evidence (not just suspicions) or other evidence do you have that he may be cheating?

Cat1864 · Oct 6, 2012, 10:44 AM

Lessons, is there more to the background story than he is younger and has female co-workers who are also friends? I can't fault him for hiding or deleting texts because he doesn't feel like his privacy is safe. Damaging the trust by snooping does have its repercussions. I am guessing there wasn't anything in the text messages you did read because you are still with him and you would then have 'proof'.

It seems to me that you may be looking for evidence to prove your own insecurities are right and to give you an excuse to walk away.

Don't play games. If you have issues, compliments, likes, dislikes, etc. in the relationship, discuss them with him. Talk about boundaries and expectations. Listen to each other and make certain you are both on the same page. If you are thinking about dumping him when the lease is up, be honest. Don't string him along by letting him think the relationship is improving when you are just biding your time.

Look at your own expectations, thoughts and feelings. Are you holding on to any old baggage from previous relationships? Is part of you trying to make him responsible for carrying it for you?