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Janon · Oct 6, 2012, 07:48 AM

Me and this girl(L) dated for two years. During those two years we were high school sweet hearts, voted best couple by the rest of our year, went to prom together, she also told me she was bisexual and we were each others firsts. We had a rough patch and she dumped me not long after it.

After the break up I was her best friend, I did whatever I could to support her all the while trying to get her back at the same time. This meant watching her move on with other partners. This hurt me unbelievably.

A few months later, me and L went on holiday with friends. We got on so well that I thought I really had a chance at getting her back. Then a month after the holiday she said to me she was gay. Next day I told her I still loved her and she could not return the favour. I put on a brave face and took the rejection and went back to being her friend with the intention of getting her back.

College started and she developed a crush for a girl(J) in college and me being the best friend got all the gossip. Then L and J began a relationship and I had to endure watching them act all couple like and everything when I knew for a fact that J did not deserve L. I gave them 4 months expected relationship. During their relationship I admitted my feelings again and this time L broke down in tears and I had to promise it would not happen again and I genuinely tried to get over her. As expected it hit the 4 month mark at J not only cheated L but dumped her via note. I supported L through the whole break up.

As the months went on I was trying again to get her back. Not long after her birthday I admitted again. However since then we have not had a talk like the previous times. She does not treat me the same as before.

I know it hurts her but the pain I feel every day without her is almost unbearable, to the point I put a blade to my wrist once. I have said to her I would like another shot. I am her most loyal partner to date. I am also the only partner she has ever dumped. I know all the reasons I should move on but I cannot help but love her. I feel no interest in any one else, none at all.

So how do I continue? I can't walk away from her, but I can't stay either. I do not want the relationship we had I would like the relationship we could have now.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 6, 2012, 08:10 AM

I hate to say it, but you have done all of this to yourself. She does not feel the same way about you and has let you know, yet you still try and get her back. Leave her alone! Stop following behind her. Get a life apart from her.
You can do this if you want to. Don't you have other friends?

Janon · Oct 6, 2012, 08:20 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I hate to say it, but you have done all of this to yourself. She does not feel the same way about you and has let you know, yet you still try and get her back. Leave her alone! Stop following behind her. Get a life apart from her.
You can do this if you want to. Don't you have other friends?

The thing is no, all of my friends are her friends also. Ive genuinely tried to move on. I would like her to let us try again :(

Homegirl 50 · Oct 6, 2012, 08:31 AM

But she does not want to. You are looking desperate and that is not attractive. This girl does not want a relationship with you. Accept it, deal with it and move one. Make some new friends

Janon · Oct 6, 2012, 08:38 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

But she does not want to. You are looking desperate and that is not attractive. This girl does not want a relationship with you. Accept it, deal with it and move one. Make some new friends

I know I look desperate, but I can't move on regardless what I do. I even organised a night out to town which I hate andjust felt even worse.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 6, 2012, 08:44 AM

Well it is not going to happen overnight, but you must accept the fact that she does not want to be with you, and if you keep pursuing her she may really get freaked out and angry and will no longer even speak to you. You are bordering on obsession here.

Janon · Oct 6, 2012, 09:00 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Well it is not going to happen overnight, but you must accept the fact that she does not want to be with you, and if you keep pursuing her she may really get freaked out and angry and will no longer even speak to you. You are bordering on obsession here.

I know that! But I can't help how I feel about her!

Homegirl 50 · Oct 6, 2012, 09:06 AM

Maybe not, but you can either think with your head or continue to act like a lovesick puppy.

Janon · Oct 6, 2012, 01:40 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Maybe not, but you can either think with your head or continue to act like a lovesick puppy.

I'm trying to think with my head! I know I could make her happy if she would let us try. Id treat her better than any of her partners.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 6, 2012, 03:30 PM

Originally Posted by Janon

im trying to think with my head! i know i could make her happy if she would let us try. id treat her better than any of her partners.

You cannot make her happy if you are not who she wants.

Janon · Oct 7, 2012, 01:21 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You cannot make her happy if you are not who she wants.

I know I could. I would anything for me and her to be back together. I just want one shot at trying again.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 7, 2012, 08:05 AM

I think the longer you keep trying, the more you push her away.
Walk away from this, hold on to your dignity.

Janon · Oct 7, 2012, 08:27 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I think the longer you keep trying, the more you push her away.
Walk away from this, hold on to your dignity.

Ive got nothing to dignant about. I lost the one person I cared about, where is the harm in trying again?

Homegirl 50 · Oct 7, 2012, 08:41 AM

Do what you want. I don't know what else to say to you. You want someone to tell you how to do what you want. I give advice to help you improve, not continue to wallow.
I wish you well.

Janon · Oct 7, 2012, 08:49 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Do what you want. I don't know what else to say to you. You want someone to tell you how to do what you want. I give advice to help you improve, not continue to wallow.
I wish you well.

I do see your advice but the advice you offer I already know. Yet it doesn't help either of us

Cat1864 · Oct 7, 2012, 10:32 AM

Originally Posted by Janon

I do see your advice but the advice you offer i already know. Yet it doesnt help either of us

After reading your thread, I have to say that you are not looking at the situation realistically. Homegirl has given you the only feasible advice. Your issue isn't that it doesn't help 'either of us'. Your issue is that it doesn't help you get her to change who she is.

Your ex isn't the same person you dated. She is has a better understanding of her own sexuality and now identifies herself as 'gay' instead of 'bi'. As a lesbian, she is not wanting a romantic relationship with a male. She has accepted you as a friend or rather she tried to be your friend. You haven't really been a friend to her, have you? Your 'friendship' has been based on 'getting her back'. That is a very big string to attach to 'friendship'.

Look at what you have said and see the selfishness that permeates how you talk about her and behave with her. She doesn't want what you do, but you seem to think she should. She has her own life. She has moved forward. Her mistake has been to try to be your friend. She should have dumped you and broken off all contact the first time you admitted you still 'love' her. I don't think she has led you to think she could ever want more again, but she certainly hasn't made it clear through her actions what your place in her life is.

It isn't too late for you to stop building up false hope and confusion. All you have to do is make the decision to let her go and allow yourself to heal. Stop trying to get her back. Start trying to get your own life in order. Yes, it will hurt. Breaking a habit isn't easy. You can give yourself ways to minimize the pain. You can give yourself support for moving forward and healing. Not allowing yourself to contact her is a beginning. Keep yourself mentally and physically busy.

Get involved in things you enjoy that have nothing to do with her. Make new friends. Give yourself a chance.

Once you stop making yourself behave like a love-sick teen and let yourself explore new thoughts and horizons, you will find that this relationship was over for longer than you want to believe.

Janon · Oct 7, 2012, 11:26 AM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

After reading your thread, I have to say that you are not looking at the situation realistically. Homegirl has given you the only feasible advice. Your issue isn't that it doesn't help 'either of us'. Your issue is that it doesn't help you get her to change who she is.

Your ex isn't the same person you dated. She is has a better understanding of her own sexuality and now identifies herself as 'gay' instead of 'bi'. As a lesbian, she is not wanting a romantic relationship with a male. She has accepted you as a friend or rather she tried to be your friend. You haven't really been a friend to her, have you? Your 'friendship' has been based on 'getting her back'. That is a very big string to attach to 'friendship'.

Look at what you have said and see the selfishness that permeates how you talk about her and behave with her. She doesn't want what you do, but you seem to think she should. She has her own life. She has moved forward. Her mistake has been to try to be your friend. She should have dumped you and broken off all contact the first time you admitted you still 'love' her. I don't think she has led you to think she could ever want more again, but she certainly hasn't made it clear through her actions what your place in her life is.

It isn't too late for you to stop building up false hope and confusion. All you have to do is make the decision to let her go and allow yourself to heal. Stop trying to get her back. Start trying to get your own life in order. Yes, it will hurt. Breaking a habit isn't easy. You can give yourself ways to minimize the pain. You can give yourself support for moving forward and healing. Not allowing yourself to contact her is a beginning. Keep yourself mentally and physically busy.

Get involved in things you enjoy that have nothing to do with her. Make new friends. Give yourself a chance.

Once you stop making yourself behave like a love-sick teen and let yourself explore new thoughts and horizons, you will find that this relationship was over for longer than you want to believe.

I have tried to every suggestion you offered. I have been a friend to her. Yes I want her back so I would do whatever I could to help accomplish that but everything I do I would do for any friend first and foremost. I know she is not the girl I dated. She is better than that. She has grown into an amazing woman. I want to show her I am not the boy she dated. Yes it is selfish but if the one thing that caused you happiness was no longer there, anyone would be selfish for it. Everything I did before we were together was only done because I had nothing better to do. The only things I properly enjoyed where things I shared with her. I cannot walk away as that would mean walking away from everything, everyone.