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Being nice seems to get you nowhere. (rant?)
ARGGGG
Maybe I'm just in a bad mood tonight.. but, it seems like being nice is the wrong thing to do in almost ever situation. I would describve myself as a nice guy, have been for as long as I can remember. I do not enjoy confrontation, though I will engage if I must. I like to debate, though I hate arguments and fighting... senseless if you ask me. I would also not do anything to intentionally cause harm to anyone, and carry very few grudges/enemies. I am annoyed tonight beucase it seems that all this niceness gets me nowhere. I figured that its what most people, and women, would want. Why wouldn't they want someone who will be nice to them, and to care for them?? I find myself in question, thinking that the reason I am no longer with my ex girlfriend is because I was too nice, and she had lost interest in me. I also seem to find it strange that the friends of mine which are seen as attractive to most women, are the a**holes. Could it just be my age (20), and when I get older the women will be more mature? I hate to think that I have to be an jerk to people in order to get anywhere in life. I understand that there is a difference between being nice and being a push over, and I would not consider myself one who is easily pushed over. When I want something, I will do whatever I have to do to get it, I don't allow myself to be pushed aside easily... Maybe I'm just upset tonight, and I need someone to hear me yell... I don't know.. I give up |
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I for one believe that part of the problem with our society is that weomen's values have dropped. I find that men will usually play whatever role it takes to get the woman. For some strange reason weomen want thugs. Then when they get one and they do thuggish things to them the women are quick to say that there are no good men in the world. My advice to you is don't deal with women that are only interested in thugs. If you really like this girl try to explain to her how you feel if it doesn't work then move on. In the end you will save yourself a lot of hurt, heartache, and embarrassment.
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Here are two sites that present some theories on the matter:
Fast Seduction 101: Art of Pick-up and Seduction Dating Tips - Secrets To Attracting and Meeting Women You'll have to decide for yourself the merits of the information. |
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 Originally Posted by sypher373
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Women do not want thugs. Women want nice men. That's like me saying all men want big-breasted lapdancers. Oh wait - they do! :)
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Originally Posted by sypher373
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Well personally, I've been treated badly by guys all my life. My father was abusive and my boyfriend's were all in it for only a few stupid reasons. Many women have delt with these things. And some even have had it worse then other's. So they deal with the ''crap'' so they don't have to be alone, sometime's they even blind themselves to what they really need. I want a guy who's nice. Respectful of me and my thoughts. I want someone who can make me happy and not treat me like his ''ho''. So would I date a ''thug'' heck freaking no. I want a softspoken, maybe shy, sweet and tender guy. Not a wimp. Not a geek who can't relate. Just an all around nice guy who loves me for me. I have one finally after 20 yrs of heck. That's what most girl's who are ready for a long-term relationship want. I'm sure there's a chick out there for you who want's a man who's caring and loving and into her mind and heart more then here nice boobs and ars . Good luck. Oh and I just wish that Mr. Nice guy would have came around sooner. Go to parties (not crazy one's) go out places and get to know people. You could meet your match where you least expect it to be.
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Raye - a bet a $1 million that the 'nice' guy you want doesn't turn you on - you also need a hot sexy guy. The nice guy is too much of a whimp.
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Sypher - it's abput growing a spine and learning to say NO to her every once in a while. I bet a $1 million you're always trying to please her - being all agreeable - always looking for her approval. That's all bad for busy.
Get mad at her sometimes... start a debate... SAY KNOW WHEN YOU MEAN NO!! Get a spine - this is part of growing up. Time to evict the 'nice guy' - learn to become a 'good guy' - a guy who has a great life - you don't care wha tshe thinks all the time - you're busy a lot - you don't always have to be with her. |
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Wildcat, I know what you mean about being a good guy, and maybe that's the way I should have written the post. I meant that more as a good guy than a nice guy. It seems like women like men who treat them badly.
I don't mean badly as in not agreeing with them, I mean badly as in not treating them with respect. I understand that I can't always try to please someone, but I also understand there is a way to do things while being respectful. I don't think its necessary to be disrespectful when being independent and strong... maybe I'm wrong |
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I was too nice, too there for her, look where it got me! I have learnt a valuable lesson. The summary of my findings: You have a life, she is only part of it.
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Well my fiancé is a VERY nice, caring and good guy. He isn't a whimp. If he needed to defend me he certainly would. I don't want to be with a guy for his looks or body. I want his mind, and heart. That's the true sexiness. I think Syper needs to keep looking for a sweet girl to show him what love and true love is like. Not all women-none of the girls I know want a rude and mean boyfriend. They want someone who is independent, strong but yet can show his emotions. If you think all women want an arss grow up a bit. And if you think looks are everything its really time to grow up. Looks aren't the most important. Mind and heart are, and that's a fact. Maybe syper just needs to be single for awhile and realize what a real relationship is supossed to be. Stay who you are, plenty of REAL women want a man like you.
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I don't think you understand me rayne...
First off - I take offense to the fact that you tell me I need to grow up and realize what a relationship is. I believe I have a very good understanding of what a relationship is, I just don't undrerstand some of the obvious patterns I see in everyday life. Secondly - I never once said that I think all women want an as*hole. If you reread my post, it was about me not understand why many women feel that way. It seems to me that a lot of the women I see in soceity are attracted to the "tough guy" attitude. Trust me, I'm not ignorant enough to catagorize 'All Women'. Make no mistake, I have no intention of getting into another relationship now. There is no reason for me to rush into something now, I have plenty of time to worry aobut that later. I was simply looking for advice, and maybe someone else's viewpoint, as mine was not getting me anywhere... |
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I know what your saying and I'm sorry that you took what I siad the way you did. I meant no offense. I was replying to what Wildcat said. I never told YOU to grow up. I said if that's what you all think then grow up a bit. In truth, make's sense. If anyone thinks those things they do need to grow up. I know you never said that you thought all girl's want an arss. I never said that. I'm saying that just because one chick doesn't make a good match with you and you may have had bad relations, fact is there is hope and I think if you look at it differently you'll see that. All I'm hearing is that all girl's like bad-arsses, or that we all want a hottie. Sry, but that offens me Wildcat. Anyway, like I said you heard me wrong read it slowly so to understand it more clearly. U'm only trying to help. I feel like your too worried about being Mr. Right in a chick's eyes then being true to yourself. I'm feeling like your not sure you like being nice because it's not getting you anywhere and I think that's a bad thing to think. You may be alone if that's truly how it is. A real women meaning a good chick who has morels and smarts and all round good package, wants a nice guy who treats her w/ respect. It's good to be single for awhile, get a better look at yourself. But be who you are, don't turn into a jerk per say. You seem nice, stay that way.
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Hi sypher373
Not good hey.. having a miserable moment is just as normal as an angry moment.. But its noble of you to come back and share.. Do you remember in school the old saying of "it's always a handful of rotten ones that spoil it for the good ones" ? Well in life it seems more like, "it's always a handful of good ones that spoils it for the rotten ones.." Everything will always get better because there's good people out there still! You do reap what you sow and those woman you have dated that have lost interest are just that, simply not interested in a good guy.. Please don't dwell on what you don't have but instead concentrate on the better future that lies ahead due largely to the fact you recognised you deserve better.. I would suggest that Miss Right just hasn't appeared yet, so you must prepare your head and your heart to be ready for her love when she does come on scene.. We would hate to see you miss a wonderful opportunity like that! |
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Originally Posted by sypher373
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Your saying nice don't get you anywhere?. your wrong, what if your were one of those people that go around just snapping at others? You would not have the friends you do.
As far as being a bad guy with women forget it because most women that are mature don't go for the tough guy that treat women wrong. So you got an ex-girlfriend that done you wrong.. maybe if you looked at it this way you would feel different.. perhaps later if the two of you got married what's to say she would be a wife who did nothing but lay around eating bon bons and there you were busting your behind while all she did was complain... then there is the girl of your dreams the one that was meant for you and here you were tied to the one you resented. |
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Never be mean - ever. It's about growing a spine and saying NO some times!!
Syper - you have a lot to learn. And yes a lot of growing up to do. |
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Originally Posted by Wildcat21
I understand I have a lot to learn. I have only had one serious relationship which I am in the process of getting out of, though I would like to ask why exactly you think I have a lot of growing up to do. I can't help but feel that your personally attacking me, though I'm sure what you say is for the best. Based on the nature of most of your responses I know I shouldn't take offense to this, I would just like to know what it is that leads you to think that I am immature and need to grow up? |
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You will find a woman one day who wants a nice guy, have you tried just being friends with girls, making them laugh? I have met a lot of a holes in my time and it is only now in my current relationship that I found a 'nice' guy and I thank my lucky stars for him. I think it is attractive to be independent but courteous, be sure of yourself but willing to listen. Maybe you have just been unlucky with the women you have met, also if they are your age then they are probably looking for excitement and not settling down
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