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    Abhimanyu Pudi's Avatar
    Abhimanyu Pudi Posts: 77, Reputation: 4
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    #1

    Sep 30, 2012, 04:03 AM
    Need an improved form of these sentences
    Can somebody help me in improving this sentence, please? Let me know even if it doesn't need any improvement.

    I came to know my weaker subject areas and started working on them.

    And this one too. Any commas in between or a better sentence structure?

    Also, spending one year waiting for “my moment” has taught me patience and has given me a certain tenacity that I will carry forward into other areas of my life.

    My essay, actually, is about a decision taken by me. I've failed an exam once and I am waiting another year to attempt it. "my moment" in the above sentence is the moment of my success this time.
    ebaines's Avatar
    ebaines Posts: 12,131, Reputation: 1307
    Expert
     
    #2

    Oct 1, 2012, 06:22 AM
    The first sentence is fine just as it is. A suggestion for the second is that starting the second sentence with "also" can be a bit of a weak transition from the previouse sentence. It all depends what the "also" is referrring to. Depending on what the previous sentence is, this sentence may be improved with a slight rearrangement:

    "Spending one year waiting for “my moment” also has taught me patience and has given me a certain tenacity that I will carry forward into other areas of my life."

    As for the phrase "certain tenacity" - what do you mean by "certain?" I assume you mean that you are more tenacious now than before - perhaps "has given me a measure of tenacity... " or "has given me patience and increased tenacity.. "
    Abhimanyu Pudi's Avatar
    Abhimanyu Pudi Posts: 77, Reputation: 4
    Junior Member
     
    #3

    Oct 1, 2012, 11:57 PM
    Thank you for your help ebaines. You are right about the second sentence. I will surely check my mistakes.
    Abhimanyu Pudi's Avatar
    Abhimanyu Pudi Posts: 77, Reputation: 4
    Junior Member
     
    #4

    Oct 2, 2012, 12:00 AM
    That was really helpful. Thank you ebaines. And yeah, you were right about the "certain tenacity" and I will correct it.

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