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realconfusion · Sep 26, 2012, 12:44 PM

We started dating in 2009 in country A, we were together in the same place for about a year and 6 months or so. I decided to pursue further education in a different country and we had mutually agreed that she would apply the following year so we could meet more often.
For some reason (family advice or God knows what) she decided to go to a different country to do her post graduate education..
What this basically meant was that for the next 2-3 years, we would probably see each other for a maximum of 7-8 days..
I feel that if someone who I love so much and who claims to love me equally could not do this much for me, what assurance do I have to trust her over other issues?

Kindly advise, this is really complicated stuff..

Homegirl 50 · Sep 26, 2012, 04:13 PM

You decided to do your further education in another country, how is what she did any different?
She had to do what was best for her just like you did.
Get over it or move on.

realconfusion · Sep 26, 2012, 08:08 PM

It is different because when I devised it was after both of us gave it a thought and came to a consensus where we were comfortable unlike her decision where I wasn't even aware to a really late point in time..

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You decided to do your further education in another country, how is what she did any different?
She had to do what was best for her just like you did.
Get over it or move on.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 26, 2012, 08:42 PM

Still, you were in a long distant relation, you are not married and she had to do what was best for her. It was not all about you.
If you love and trust her, you will accept her decision or you can call it quits.

ArmstrongMiller · Sep 27, 2012, 12:03 AM

Come on! If you find someone really love you , distance means nothing. Best wishes.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 27, 2012, 02:57 AM

So you change schools and go to where she is at ? That is not a lot different than what you are asking of her. ** you will not see it that way, but then you think it has to be YOUR way.

She could be writing and saying, for her education this was the best and can't understand why you are not supporting her or moving to where she was at.

With SKYPE there isno reason not to be on video with each other every night, if you really wanted to

joypulv · Sep 27, 2012, 03:16 AM

Let's see.. you decide to take off for another country a whole year before she is finished where you both were. There is nothing wrong with that separation in your mind, right? Why didn't you continue your studies where SHE was, out of love?

And here you are now, saying you can't trust her love because she found it expedient or perhaps necessary to chose another country for her all-important career. You don't even know the reason? You don't sound like you have very many heart to heart talks, and you sound selfish. We don't know how 'mutual' the whole agreement for her to follow you was anyway. Get over it, or find someone more willing to follow you wherever your studies and career take you.

realconfusion · Sep 27, 2012, 04:48 AM

You guys just know 70% of it, I thought telling the crux of the matter would be enough but apparently not...
Anyway, thanks for your great advice guys but now I have realized that online forums do not solve specific problems, at best they could provide a solution for some more generic problems like the answers posted here..

joypulv · Sep 27, 2012, 05:02 AM

Writing of any kind - novel, documentary, online help question - requires that the writer remember that he is the only one who is 'there' to know what is going on, and that is a difficult task.
On the flip side, often the first version is the one that reveals a lot about someone.

You say that you realize that online forums do not solve specific problems. Actually countless specific problems are solved here, in Law, Plumbing, you name it. There is nothing specific about trust issues in relationships.

realconfusion · Sep 27, 2012, 05:15 AM

You just answered yourself... problems like plumbing,etc have standards that are used worldwide.. As far as this topic goes, my general experience has been that people are ready to pounce on anyone who hints at it being the girls fault.
Now that you asked, the country where I am right now English is the main language and where she is, it's a different one, if I was selfish, I wouldn't be working 40 hours a week taking two courses and going for language classes twice a week. This apart from the fact that in spite of being fairly settled in a career that has dearth of opportunities n only a fool would leave a company like the one I work for... So much for your first impression.. Try and answer from a neutral perspective guys..
I'm not saying I'm an angel and have done nothing wrong ever but just that in this case I got hard done and wanted an unbiased view..

Originally Posted by joypulv

Writing of any kind - novel, documentary, online help question - requires that the writer remember that he is the only one who is 'there' to know what is going on, and that is a difficult task.
On the flip side, often the first version is the one that reveals a lot about someone.

You say that you realize that online forums do not solve specific problems. Actually countless specific problems are solved here, in Law, Plumbing, you name it. There is nothing specific about trust issues in relationships.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 27, 2012, 07:26 AM

We gave answers according to what you post. We can't read between the lines. If you want a more detailed answer post a detailed question.

joypulv · Sep 27, 2012, 09:23 AM

My response had nothing to do with your gender.
I am referring to the Relationships board as one that does not solve specific problems when the issue is trust. Your issue, as you stated it, is trust. And you wanted specific answers.
The selfish part isn't how much you work or study; it's considering yourself somehow more entitled to move to another country, leaving her behind for a whole year, yet if she changes her plan to follow you, and you haven't even found out what her reason is, it means she can't be trusted.