[bazinga]

My brother goes to a good college, but he never really applied himself in high school and is unhappy with he degree he will graduate with. I think he wishes he had tried harder. This year, I am applying to a lot of really good schools (like Duke, Rice, Stanford), but I feel bad for my brother. I don't want to make him feel like he should have done better and I don't want him to feel like I am a lot smarter than him, because I am not. The only reason I might get into these schools is because I worked so hard. What should I do and is it weird to feel this way?

[Wondergirl]

Will your brother be any happier and any better off if you don't follow your dream and do well in college at a hand-picked, prestigious school? Are you going to live your life to try to please your brother (which won't happen)?

[teacherjenn4]

We all make decisions when we are young that can have an affect on our futures. You earned the chance to apply and possibly attend a fine university. Your brother, if he did well in his undergraduate work, can apply for graduate school at a more prestigious university if he so chooses. Enjoy the rewards of your hard work, and let us know where you decide to attend.

[ebaines]

You ask if it's "weird to feel this way," and I woud say no, it's not weird, because you obviously have empathy for your brother's feelings. But I agree with the others that you should not let this bother you. First of all, although you hope to attend a highly regarded school you haven't gotten in yet, and I can tell through experience that the schools you mentioned make decisions regarding who to accept that are all but impossible to predict. So even if you are getting straight A's, score very highly on your SAT or ACT tests, and are captain of the football team it's no guarrantee that you will get in. But if you do get in to one or more of these schools I'm sure your brother will be happy for you. In my own case I attended a college that my oldest brother had not been rejected from, and he held no animosity about it at all. Finally - you are likely to find that friends of yours from high school get accepted to schools that may reject you - I would trust that you would still maintain those friendships and not turn against your friends for being fortunate in attending their first choice schools.