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A-Girl09 · Sep 22, 2012, 04:26 PM

I’m 17 going on 18 this December. I’m a senior in high school and because of some extenuating circumstances at home I feel that I need to get out.
My mother and my step-father never let me hear the end of anything I do wrong (which according to them is everything), then they have the nerve to ask why I’m so self-conches and say: it must be because of your father (who by the way is kind of supportive). My step-father (who is –I guess you would say- in charge of my and his sons up bringing) plays favorites (which I understand –I mean the 25 year old son of his is… well his son) but he goes as fare as always calling him the golden boy.

I’m sorry about my ranting, but that’s only a small window into my life.
Ok so to my little problem. I want to move out some time after I turn 18, but I’m extremely nerves. I mean I keep thinking am I making the right decision? Can I support myself (I mean I don’t even have a job yet…I am looking). I mean I’m excited but scared. I guess that’s natural, but…

I know what you’re going to say. You’re too young to live on your own. You’re not old enough to make these kinds of decisions. And a whole bunch of other non-supportive things I’m sure.

I mean my friends are being supportive as well as my family on my dad’s and step-mothers side. And my grandmother and grandfather would love if I were to live with them and my dad would most likely feel good about that because my grandmother is in a wheel-chair and they have doctors’ appointments and all that kind of stuff (because of work he had to move upstate and can’t help them often any more).
But I don’t want to burden any one with my problems…

Please any advice for me? Anything. And please no insulting comments… I’m up sensing about enough.

Thank You

teacherjenn4 · Sep 22, 2012, 04:37 PM

How will you support yourself? Even if you live with your grandparents, who will pay your bills, insurance, food, etc? What about school?

ScottGem · Sep 22, 2012, 04:38 PM

At 18 you can make your own decisions. If your grandparents would like you to move in with them, then go ahead. I think if you can help care for them, that would be great. You can get a job continue school and help out.

Enigma1999 · Sep 22, 2012, 04:53 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

At 18 you can make your own decisions. If your grandparents would like you to move in with them, then go ahead. I think if you can help care for them, that would be great. You can get a job continue school and help out.

I second that.

Just what ever you do decide, make sure you continue your education.

A-Girl09 · Sep 22, 2012, 05:03 PM

Yes, I do intend to continue my schooling. And I do understand that this isn't going to be all rainbows and butterflies. I plan to get a job (a part-time job it may be but a job none the less). And I'm really trying to think this thro. Part of the problem is going to be my mother and step-father; they're going to make it extremely difficult. They will create problems for me when I turn 18 whether I move out or not.

joypulv · Sep 22, 2012, 05:38 PM

You were sure that people here were going to tell you all sorts of negative things, and they didn't (and from experience here, I already knew they wouldn't). You are sure your mother and stepfather are going to make it difficult. Why, what do you anticipate?

A-Girl09 · Sep 22, 2012, 07:24 PM

I kind of sort of have no confidants. So I expect the worst, of anything. I'm sorry about that. And about my parents, I know for sure that they are not going to approve. They always make things difficult for me. I'm sorry it hard to explain, but thank you for your concern.

Enigma1999 · Sep 22, 2012, 07:36 PM

Why is it that you guys have such turmoil? Why can't you see eye to eye?

A-Girl09 · Sep 22, 2012, 07:48 PM

Originally Posted by Enigma1999

Why is it that you guys have such turmoil? Why can't you see eye to eye?

To be honest I don't really know. My stepfather likes when he can control people, but unforchantly for him I don't like being controlled. He controls my mother and his son and there is just no seeing eye to eye with him

Enigma1999 · Sep 22, 2012, 07:54 PM

Originally Posted by A-Girl09

To be honest I don't really know. My stepfather likes when he can control people, but unforchantly for him I don't like being controled. He controls my mother and his son and there is just no seeing eye to eye with him

How does your mother feel about his control issue? Has she ever mentioned it before? How do you and your mother get along?

teacherjenn4 · Sep 22, 2012, 07:58 PM

Is your Dad in your life? You say he moved away. Will he help support you?

A-Girl09 · Sep 22, 2012, 08:09 PM

Originally Posted by Enigma1999

How does your mother feel about his control issue? Has she ever mentioned it before? How do you and your mother get along?

I don't think my mother is a fan of my stepfathers controlling, but no she has not mentioned it. And my and my mothers relashonship is not exactly the best. We fight all the time, she yells at me for no reson (all the time). I think/know she loves me, but it doesn't seem like it sometimes.
Plus her and my stepfather don't get along with my father. They can't even talk on the phone, they have to email. And when there's a problem there I get blamed for that too.
So no I don't have a very good relationship with my mother at all.

A-Girl09 · Sep 22, 2012, 08:15 PM

Originally Posted by teacherjenn4

Is your Dad in your life? You say he moved away. Will he help support you?

Yes, I still see my dad. He has visitation rights, so I see him about every other weekend. He comes down here and we stay at my stepmoms sisters houes, which I'm fine with... I guess. But he doesn't have the money to help me in such a way as this. I mean I'm sure he will try all he can, but there is only so much he can do.

Enigma1999 · Sep 22, 2012, 08:16 PM

How about your father? Would you ever consider living with him.

Basically, when you turn 18, as you know you are considered an adult. Therefor, you can leave the home at any time, even if they don't approve.

I just realize that you are young and need to continue your education.

Have you ever thought to make time to sit with your mother and have a heart to heart regarding this? Even if you play the "submissive" role by saying, "Mother, I realize that you and I don't really see eye to eye, and I just want you to know that I love you very much, however, maybe it's a good idea that I move out. I am starting to feel like an imposition and I don't want to upset any longer." How about something like that? Then that way the ball is in her court and she can tell you exactly how she feels and what is on her mind.

A-Girl09 · Sep 22, 2012, 08:31 PM

That would be great, to be abel to talk to my mother like that. Sadly I can not. Other then being nervous and scared to bring up such a topic, it's difficult to reason with her. Beside that they had once said they wouldn't let me leave even if my dad got custody by law.
And yes, I guess I could live with my dad, but as I said my father lives upstate and seeing as I'm a senior in high school, I would like to finish up here.

Wondergirl · Sep 22, 2012, 08:47 PM

Do your grandparents live near you?

A-Girl09 · Sep 22, 2012, 09:19 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Do your grandparents live near you?

Not really. I live in an island (Staten Island) and they live just about on the other side of the island. So yeah I can get to school, but I would have to wake up earlier then normal.

Wondergirl · Sep 23, 2012, 12:04 AM

Originally Posted by A-Girl09

Not really. I live in an island (Staten Island) and they live just about on the other side of the island. So yeah I can get to school, but I would have to wake up earlier then normal.

Finish high school and turn 18, and then start a new life as an adult. We're here to help in any way we can!

joypulv · Sep 23, 2012, 12:46 AM

I'm wondering about the 'they wouldn't let me leave even if' part. They must have been talking about when you were a minor, up until you are 18, right? It would be rare for parents in the US to talk about forcing a child to live with them when they can't legally do so.

What are your visions for after high school? Your idea about living with your grandparents, is that now or then? A typical scenario for young people is to share a big cheap apartment and work (if they don't go to college, or both). Although having a job while helping your grandparents sounds nice, it doesn't get you much of a social life. And they will need more and more help, as you will need to get out more. If you do start there, I would make it clear that it won't be for more than a year.
I'm sorry about your relationship with the parents you are living with. I'm glad at least that you like your dad, even if he can't be in your life as much as you would like.
I think many of us went through turmoil of this sort as teens. I wanted to get away to anywhere in high school. I had a nice dad too, but my mother was furious that we liked him over her, so he spent all his time at work, and basically hid even when home.

A-Girl09 · Sep 23, 2012, 06:15 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

I'm wondering about the 'they wouldn't let me leave even if' part. They must have been talking about when you were a minor, up til you are 18, right? It would be rare for parents in the US to talk about forcing a child to live with them when they can't legally do so.

What are your visions for after high school? Your idea about living with your grandparents, is that now or then? A typical scenario for young people is to share a big cheap apartment and work (if they don't go to college, or both). Although having a job while helping your grandparents sounds nice, it doesn't get you much of a social life. And they will need more and more help, as you will need to get out more. If you do start out there, I would make it clear that it won't be for more than a year.
I'm sorry about your relationship with the parents you are living with. I'm glad at least that you like your dad, even if he can't be in your life as much as you would like.
I think many of us went through turmoil of this sort as teens. I wanted to get away to anywhere in high school. I had a nice dad too, but my mother was furious that we liked him over her, so he spent all his time at work, and basically hid even when home.

Your right. And if I do go to live with my grandparents I do intend to make it clear that I will only be there for about a year.
I am very grateful to all of you on this site and feel better knowing that is I need advise of this sort I can come to this site where people who have goon through about the same kind of experiences can help me with what they did.