[FatimaMasud]

I have been emotionally unstable for a long time. As long as I can remember I have wanted to commit suicide.
I started cutting when I was 11 or 12. Then I met a guy (A), who was way older than me. He lied to me about his age. Had phone sex with me. And later befriended my dad and told him about us. I was literally in house arrest for a year. My parents weren't ready to forgive me and the taunts got too much to handle. I just kept on cutting due to the family pressure.
Then I broke up with him. When I realized how much he had lied to me and much I went through just to keep him. I almost got kicked out of school. My parent's wouldn't let me out of my room. It was bad.
Then I met another guy. (S) I loved him. I was crazy after him. He just used me for money. That's it. He left after 2 years without an explanation and actually told ALL of his friends they could date me. Those 2 years with him. He wouldn't talk to me. He fought with me. Accused me of cheating on him and what not. The cutting increased.
Now I am with a guy, for once in my life I feel safe. I don't feel the urge to cut anymore or overdose on pills ( Which was a normal routine, I had to be rushed to emergency once). But my only weakness is I want to be with him 24/7. My mom knows about him, but she doesn't stop me from talking to him or anything.
My mom is rude to me, she accuses me of stuff, calls me names.
I recently gained a lot of weight because I wasn't getting my period. Being told I was fat was a low blow, like seriously it brought me to tears. And she called me fat everyday like it was nothing. I told her to stop it,she didn't.

I try to be the best daughter, I can be.
But she doesn't let me be. I have been wanting to go out since a month. She just keeps on cancelling my plans. I feel like .
I am 17 now. I am in my A-levels which is college for most people.
I just want a break. I would have run away. But my society doesn't treat runaways very well. I would probably get raped on a bench by a 70 year old man.

[Homegirl 50]

What's your question?
When you are done with school and able to work, you can leave. In the meantime, stay away from the boys.

[joypulv]

The love you weren't getting from your parents you looked for in boys, starting much too young? I'm so sorry, and it's common, and of course without knowing what love is really like, you got into situations you couldn't handle. You only touch on the fact that you are a good student! I wish your studies and interests in life were more important than relationships one on one with a man. You are STILL too young for this. It isn't too late to be a 17 year old girl, with friends and hobbies and studies and possibly a career, before you even think about getting serious about a man again.