[kitty2011]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now. My boyfriend just told me yesterday that he has been masturbating to porn for over 4 months now. Also, a few months ago he told me that I was overweight and I am not as attractive as I used to be. He told me he was concerned about my health... I know the real reason now! I can count on one hand the times that we have had sex this year(2011), but he still wants me to give him oral. He says it is because he is depressed and he is so sorry. Today, he acts like nothing is wrong and everything is back to normal. I am so hurt... he has emotionally hurt me before. I want to leave him, but we have invested so much together, like money, moving in. And I have even alienated my family to be with him. I am so upset, does anyone have any advice?

[Cat1864]

How old are both of you?
Have you recently gained weight? Is he right to be concerned about your health?
Does he have habit of taking his frustrations/'depression' out on you?

More than likely he has been using porn and masturbating for a lot longer than four months. Probably the entire relationship. He is just using that information now to make you feel bad.

Stop giving him oral. If he isn't attracted to you then it isn't a mutual act for the enjoyment of both people. It becomes him using you as a masturbatory aid.

Sit down and talk with him about everything including health, sex, and the relationship. Be open and honest with him. Listen to him with an open mind. Try to find ways to fix the issues (such as proper diet and exercise for both of you-it helps with depression as well as weight issues, check-ups to make sure you are both in good health, etc.) if it is possible to do so. If he isn't willing to work with you then make arrangements to get out of the relationship.

All that said, IF he is intentionally hurting you to make himself feel better. Get out of the relationship. Emotional abuse is still abuse and you do not deserve to be beaten up emotionally because he can't take care of his own problems.

[martinizing2]

Most men watch porn and will masturbate and like cat I bet it has been more than 4 months .
Probably 4 months after he turned 12 or 13 was the start and he isn't finished for many years.

Ths main issue as I see it is he is selfish, cold, and immature , at least that what his actions say.
If you can't talk about sex you shouldn't be having it,( A law by someone well respected and wise that you should adhere to).

Cat said to communicate. So do it. Cat also is well respected and wise and you could do yourself a lot of good by following the advice he gave you.

Bluntly and honestly, I advise you to get ready to face the end of this relationship.
Both people need to interested and working on it to work and I don't think he is man enough because of his cavalier attitude.
He should be depressed being such a wuss. You can easily do better.

[Fr_Chuck]

While not saying it is proper, many men do watch some porn and many materbate more than women know.

And yes, it has been more than four months and he is confusing porn with real life.

My wife would stomp on the computer if I was watching porn and ignoring her, and I would suggest you put porn blockers on it, since he appears to have an addiction at this point where he can't control or know the difference

Next he is just being selfish, no oral, unless he is a equal partner in bed, he does not need the porn or anything from you

[CravenMorhead]

I think we should wait on any more responses until we verify their ages.

[kitty2011]

I am 24 and he is 25. And we are engaged.

[SindySweets]

He sounds selfish and immature, clearly he's the one with the problem hun not you. He needs to get in touch with reality or you need to leave. You deserve better

[louisetinly]

my boyfriend is the verry same, but he choose to watch porn than interact with me emotional affectiontly and sexualy. And the exsact same he want oral sex from me and returns nithing not even intercourse, he is always on internet porn and dating sights, he's cheat on me and lied, he never treats me we never go anywhere am I mean anywhere oh apart from the local tescos, I treat him all the time cater for his every need but its his way or no way, I've been rejected time n time again over a period of ten years on n off, he never randomly hugs or kisses me in fact in all the ten years of being with him he has never tickled or teased me,he never get me a card for birthday xmas etc nevrmind anything else, the big question why the hell do I stay?? Beats me? Because I have my own house car friends personaliity and not beein vain I am slim and atracive, I have a few good things going for me,aftera really bad patch for more than five years losing my children, now that cuts me to the core, but gota look on brite side eh lol, I've read in reserched heap n heaps mentaly physically to find out why the hell is he like this, there is no answer, and naming him a porn adict is just am exscuse for him, the reason he does it is because he wants to regardless of your feengs its him that's number one in his life not you get used to it,will he change? No never. I've tryd helping and compromising for ten years and I have changed my activities and behaviours to please him, I really hope he reads this because tonigth he has pushed me o far to return back to him thank christ, so he can sit in house watching porno because am going out clubbing muhahahahaha I prefer the real thing baby :)

[louisetinly]

oh and am 38 and he's 43 do yourself a faviour get out now I know its hard x I still can't walk away fully. Don't waste and loose your best years of your life on a emotionless detached selfish using manipalative blackmailing and very controlling **** anymore,believe me it only gets worse n worse the more you are hurt the more he hurts you will be lke a yoyo up n down constant because of him wondering what mood he is in dose he love you, etc and as for talking to my boyfriend ihave over n over told him I ask him I pleade I beg I demand etc, because he believe he has no problems its me with the issue yeah I might have issuse but he's the one going to be holding the tissuse haha lol xxx cheer up hun xx your better than that take care from one screw up nutter to nother lol

[dharma_gypsy]

I feel I have bad karma. I am in the same boat of this sexless samsara. Lol. I have been dating men who prefer pornography over me. I think I know why. They have less pressure and less demands when they watch and masturbate to porn. They please themselves to get by and get a little out of touch with what a woman needs. Women need sex and affection.. that is a fact. I hope that men will stop over stimulating themseves with pornography, violence, and ridiculous media. I hope they can get in touch with their bodies, speech, and mind and connect with a woman on a higher level. There are men out there who want to show affection.. its really about being strong and being the lover you wish to have. Nobody needs to be a door mat. Pacifism is not compassion

[CravenMorhead]

I feel i have bad karma. I am in the same boat of this sexless samsara. lol. I have been dating men who prefer pornography over me. I think i know why. They have less pressure and less demands when they watch and masturbate to porn. They please themselves to get by and get a little out of touch with what a woman needs. women need sex and affection..that is a fact. I hope that men will stop over stimulating themseves with pornography, violence, and rediculous media. I hope they can get in touch with their bodies, speech, and mind and connect with a woman on a higher level. There are men out there who want to show affection..its really about being strong and being the lover you wish to have. Nobody needs to be a door mat. Pacifism is not compassion

It is the rediculous(sic) media that gets me off. I swear with they were reporting about Clint Eastwood's speech at the RNC... I got a chubby that could sink an oil carrier.

In a way we're getting in touch with our bodies. We're very in touch with our bodies. Up, down, up, down.

I should be taking this seriously, but this is a rediculous(sic) post. This is also a REALLY dead thread; about seven months. Chances are they're not going to see this.

I have a hypothesis for you. If the men you've been dating prefer pornography over you, maybe it is what you're doing not the man. Maybe the problem isn't them but something that you're doing. Do you understand how the male arousal process works? Men are generally charged with knowing how to turn a woman on, and this can be an unsolvable problem depending on the woman, but few try to understand how the male mind works. They just assume it works the same way as them. Thus the fatal problem.

So tell me, before I get into more of a rant. How did you deal with your boyfriends sexually? How was your sex life in your relationships?

[Enigma1999]

It is the rediculous(sic) media that gets me off. I swear with they were reporting about Clint Eastwood's speech at the RNC... I got a chubby that could sink an oil carrier.

In a way we're getting in touch with our bodies. We're very in touch with our bodies. Up, down, up, down.

I should be taking this seriously, but this is a rediculous(sic) post. This is also a REALLY dead thread; about seven months. Chances are they're not going to see this.

I have a hypothesis for you. If the men you've been dating prefer pornography over you, maybe it is what you're doing not the man. Maybe the problem isn't them but something that you're doing. Do you understand how the male arousal process works? Men are generally charged with knowing how to turn a woman on, and this can be an unsolvable problem depending on the woman, but few try to understand how the male mind works. They just assume it works the same way as them. Thus the fatal problem.

So tell me, before I get into more of a rant. How did you deal with your boyfriends sexually? How was your sex life in your relationships?

I agree with you.

What I want to know is why she feels they are "pressured."