[OctaMan]

So, uhm, I didn't quite know where to put this, so I just put it under "Teens".

I've been dating this girl - well, not "dating", we are not exclusive, but I've got something with her - for quite some time now. About half a year. She's great, everything's going just fine. But I'm very.. how can I put this - perplexed by our situation - or, HER situation, more specifically.
So every time we hang out, we kiss. It's always at her place, and we are alone because her mom's still at work - but that's not important. Lately, we've been getting very intimate. I spend the night with her for the first time 1½ months ago, I think. None the less, it was amazing. I just want to state that, she's a virgin and I'm not - I've slept with 2 girls, and she knows that. Not that I think it's important to mention, but anyway. So, she's really into me - and obviously I'm into her. I'm not that kind of guy that rushes to have sex, just so I can brag about it to my friends. I like to take things slow - but, seeing as I've hung out with this girl for about half a year, I want to have sex with her.. We've discussed it many times, and she's also said that she would really like to have sex with me, and that I'm the right guy to take her virginity. She's said "Yes, I'm ready" many times by know, but what confuses me is that.. When we are together, she doesn't give me any clear indication of her wanting to have sex with me. She already told me a million times that she's shy about it and everything.. but she doesn't mind me taking off her clothes and giving her.. I don't know what it's called, but she lets me finger her, and, you know.. She never takes control of anything, and I know that she's a shy girl and all this is new to her, but I feel kind of stupid always being the one taking off our clothes (including my own). I know she says I'm not, but I feel kind of perverted, when I'm the one lying there, doing all the stuff.

My problem is, I just don't know how to initiate the sex, because it all seems a little awkward, and I just can't continue to the final step without seeing some initiation from her side. When I talk to her about it, she kind of giggles and tries to change the subject, but.. I don't know. I would also like to mention, that she doesn't at all seem shy, she is very intimate when we kiss.. Is she a tease? I could really use some help on this one!

Thanks in advance. :)

[teacherjenn4]

How old are both of you?

[OctaMan]

I am 17 and she's 16.

[teacherjenn4]

Are you sure she is ready to possibly become pregnant? Maybe that is why she is not initiating having sex with you.

[J_9]

It's clear by her actions that she is not as ready for the implications of sex as she says she is.

Having sex with her WILL change the dynamics of your relationship.

First of all, you are admittedly not exclusive. This is one reason to avoid sex with her.

Second of all, you are both still teens and are unable to properly care for a child should she get pregnant.

[Fr_Chuck]

If you are dating others and not exclusive I don't think you have any business having sex to start with,

And from your writing, I also would worry on the age, since the comments seem to take such a light hearted, immature approach to sex.

Discussion of birth control not mentioned,

If both parties are really ready, there will be no need to force a discussion on it.

[Homegirl 50]

She is not ready. You are not even in an exclusive relationship. Have you mentioned the use of a condom with her? Have you talked about birth control?
Do you really care for her or do you just want to have sex?

[talaniman]

You obviously have never discussed all this so you are just chasing hormones, so at least get the facts from the library about sex before it costs you both. Then talk about it.

Responsible sex starts with communicating and FACTS and not just young feelings, and no supervision.