[Vandammit]

My partner and myself have been together for only two years but both of us agreed from the get go we had something truly amazing and unlike anything either of us had ever experienced. It was such a beautiful love that I let things move along quickly, something I'd never ordinarily do as I have an 8 year old daughter and I'm very cautious, having only ever had a couple relationships.

The problem now is after a year of complete bliss, he's withdrawn his affection, I always try to talk to him, try to resolve things, be understood or understand, always, I'd say probably too much if anything because he's so unwilling to talk it becomes an argument. I'd say life and health issues kicked off this stress when the bickering began and now we're both so worn down, it's almost like if I don't behave the way he wants he won't give me what I want, which is love, reassurance and support. All he wants from me is to leave him alone. He tells me he doesn't mean to punish me, it happens involuntarily, his anger just shuts him down... and ultimately me, these moods can last for weeks.

I feel like I'm dying inside. I've left him to stay with my mother so many times, I've asked him to leave, I've threatened him I will leave! He will lose me! Just please treat me like you care! The only thing he seems to worry about if I actually do kick him out is who will look after him? Because I do everything for him, everything. He doesn't lift a finger. But in return he is a fantastic step father, attentive to my daughter, he's a brilliant provider, so generous and giving, he'd never cheat or walk out on us, he'd never even raise his voice at me let alone his hand.

But he hardly ever touches me with affection, he barely looks at me. I am so sad. I made him the centre of my universe but now I'm backing away, I love him so much. I thought we'd be together for ever. Can we recover from this? How? What do I do? Or do I give up and walk away... Please help.

[talaniman]

You don't have to give up, just stop being so dependent on him to make you happy. Love yourself, and treat yourself well and make time for yourself with friends and activities that make YOU happy. If you do everything for him, then its totally unfair that you do NOTHING for yourself.

Its about making adjustments so you both can thrive and survive, share and care. But it sounds like you need other good things in your life besides him. Let him learn to do things for himself, and if he gets grouchy, go get your toe nails painted.

Stop being mommy,and start being YOU! Love yourself enough tomake that happen for yourself.