[Fiddels]

First post here so I'm not entirely sure if I'm doing this correctly, forgive me if I am not. I've been doing frequent research into similar issues others may be having and really haven't found a sufficient answer.

There are 3 main problems that persist, of which I'll go into much detail about all - adding relevant information where necessary.

Firstly, I'm gay. Have been for about 2 years now (I'm fully aware that hormones play a big deal during puberty, but I am for definite, gay) and I'm all good with that. This certainly will not sound pleasing to hear for some, but I don't know where else to go or who to talk to...

I'm in love with my Biology teacher at school, who is 60. I am 15, and please bare in mind intergenerational relationships are not uncommon in the gay community. This man has been kind to me, giving me support and advice regarding both school and life. He's been there for me when I needed someone to talk to. He's attractive too, and I love him so much.

But here's the second problem - He's got two daughters (middle age I presume) however I'm not sure if he's married as he doesn't wear a ring and has never mentioned a wife to either my class or myself. We have quite a few things in common and we both had the same ambitions when we were younger (I still do) and that's to become a vet. I see him either in the mornings before school or after in his office, ask him if he needs help. He always politely says No and has an amazing smile.

The third and probably more general point is what do I do and how do I do it? I really want him to know how I feel even though *I am FULLY aware nothing can happen - I do not plan on starting an intimate relationship with him, he had a family and children already, besides it's illegal.* I just want him to know how I feel, I'm not sure if he'll understand.

Just adding my parents do not know I'm gay, could you imagine that? Coming out twice: once for being gay and once more for liking men 4-5 timed my age. It's not really important why I like older men.

[odinn7]

What do you do about it? Nothing! What will it help if you tell him? Will telling him solve some sort of issue you're having? No,it won't. It will just complicate things because he is not only too old for you but he is a teacher... your teacher. No good can come of this. Let your crush pass and you will eventually find someone that is actually right for you. Not someone who you could potentially be putting their career and freedom in jeopardy.

[Fr_Chuck]

You do nothing, your teacher would go to jail and/or be fired for having any interest in you at all.

Next even if he was gay, he would be a pedophile for having any interest in children.

This is no difference than kids having dreams about their teachers.

You find and date kids your own age.

If too obsessed, you may need counseling

[teacherjenn4]

The teachers in movies and on the news that date their students are disgusting and sick. He is telling you he doesn't need help because teachers these days should never be alone with a student. He's not interested in you other than as a teacher and mentor. Find a group of friends to hang out with and stop obsessing about your teacher.

[Fiddels]

You misread: *I am FULLY aware nothing can happen - I do not plan on starting an intimate relationship with him, he had a family and children already, besides it's illegal.* I just want him to know how I feel, I'm not sure if he'll understand.

Also teacherjean, I've spent multiple times with him alone, it was just me in one of his lessons, and I offered him and for the whole 50 minutes I helped him sort out coursework. We talked about things and he gave me a sweet too, so I wouldn't say he doesn't want help, rather he doesn't need it as much.

He's the first man I've fallen in love with and I'm just suppose to ignore that? When I was depressed he comforted me, like my parents never have, and honestly I just wanted to cry. He is the nicest man I've ever met, there must be something I can do.

What do you do about it? Nothing! What will it help if you tell him? Will telling him solve some sort of issue you're having? No,it won't. It will just complicate things because he is not only too old for you but he is a teacher...your teacher. No good can come of this. Let your crush pass and you will eventually find someone that is actually right for you. Not someone who you could potentially be putting their career and freedom in jeopardy.

I have no intention of jeopardising his freedom, hurting him isn't on my list. I do kind of feel letting go of these built up feelings and emotions will be a huge relief. I think about him a lot, especially when I'm depressed, which I am everyday. I lose concentration and no matter how hard I try I will not regain focus.

Thank you all for the replies.

[backpack2389]

You're aware nothing can happen so what do you hope to gain then by telling him how you feel? Are you just hoping it will be cathartic?

Consider the fact that even an implied or rumored relationship between you two could ruin his career. What he doesn't know in this situation could be good for him. I advise you don't say anything to him. If seeing him frequently makes that too difficult, then reduce the amount of time you spend with him, at least the amount of one on one time. I think you should try to find someone your own age to be with. If you really like older men, then wait until you're of a legal age so that your partner won't get into any legal trouble. Otherwise, I don't think there's anything for you to do here except maintain silence or seek a different infatuation.

[C0bra_M3nace]

You misread: *I am FULLY aware nothing can happen - I do not plan on starting an intimate relationship with him, he had a family and children already, besides it's illegal.* I just want him to know how I feel, I'm not sure if he'll understand.

Also teacherjean, I've spent multiple times with him alone, it was just me in one of his lessons, and I offered him and for the whole 50 minutes I helped him sort out coursework. We talked about things and he gave me a sweet too, so I wouldn't say he doesn't want help, rather he doesn't need it as much.

He's the first man I've fallen in love with and I'm just suppose to ignore that? When I was depressed he comforted me, like my parents never have, and honestly I just wanted to cry. He is the nicest man I've ever met, there must be something I can do.

You're not in love with him, stop being so foolish. Why haven't your parents ever comforted you? Is it maybe because you're hiding things from them? It's kind of hard for your parents to understand and help you if they know little about you.

You need to grow up a little bit and set your feelings aside. This is just a little crush that needs to be accepted for what it is. I had crushes on my teachers, I think most do at some point, we're wired to be attracted to people. We just need to be rational and learn the difference between right and wrong and advancing on those feelings in any way, whether it be telling him how you feel or trying anything, is wrong.

[Wondergirl]

You do realize that, if you tell him how you feel, he will certainly understand and will avoid you in the future.

[Fiddels]

You're not in love with him, stop being so foolish. Why haven't your parents ever comforted you? Is it maybe because you're hiding things from them? It's kind of hard for your parents to understand and help you if they know little about you.

You need to grow up a little bit and set your feelings aside. This is just a little crush that needs to be accepted for what it is. I had crushes on my teachers, I think most do at some point, we're wired to be attracted to people. We just need to be rational and learn the difference between right and wrong and advancing on those feelings in any way, whether it be telling him how you feel or trying anything, is wrong.

No you've got the wrong idea, completely. Of course this isn't just a crush, I mentioned before I've never felt this way about anyone before and I know this what love feels like.u

[Wondergirl]

You're 15. It's a crush.

[C0bra_M3nace]

No you've got the wrong idea, completely. Of course this isn't just a crush, I mentioned before I've never felt this way about anyone before and I know this what love feels like.u

I don't have the wrong idea, you're just too blind by infatuation to see it. You're 15 years old, not only do you not know what love feels like, it's impossible to love someone you have not had any form of relationship with.

Grab a hold of reality before reality takes you for a ride.



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in·fat·u·a·tion . n.

1. A foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction.

[JudyKayTee]

...He's the first man I've fallen in love with and I'm just suppose to ignore that? ...

In a word - yes.

[smoothy]

No you've got the wrong idea, completely. Of course this isn't just a crush, I mentioned before I've never felt this way about anyone before and I know this what love feels like.u

It is a crush... you don't understand what real love is because you lack the life experience to know the differences yet. Something ALL young people go through, and love is never, EVER one sided because it takes a long time to grow.

Don't even tell him... the mere appearance of something like this can ruin his career even if nothing ever actually happens...

[Fiddels]

Sorry about the last message, couldn't finish since I lost Internet - didn't mean to send it.

I wouldn't expect adults to sympathise with teenagers today, so I can't really blame you, but I know myself what love certainly isn't, and do have my own idea on what love may be like. Yes it is one sided, I know it's not always like but I know my parents aren't in love, so do my adult sisters. We talk about it a lot, and even my mum wishes she could get my dad to off. They argue and my dad is always shouting at everyone else, and just generally making our lives hell.

I also won't date guys my age because I do not find them attractive, and I wouldn't want to deal with the inexperience and immaturity.

[tickle]

"intergenerational relationships are not uncommon in the gay community"', now in all of your wide fifteen year old gay experience would you know about that? Sounds like you have been reading some interesting books.

You say your parents do not know you are gay, and you appear to be puzzled, guess you keep it well hidden from them. When do you think you will sit down and let them know?

As for your biology teacher, I just hope you never get your little gay paws into that one. He would no longer be able to teach.

[Wondergirl]

We adults were teenagers at one time and actually have a lot of empathy for them as we remember our own growing pains, including crushes on teachers and others in authority over us. I was crazy in love with my high school music teacher whose pet student I was and who thought I was the smartest student in his class.Thank goodness neither of us acted on whatever feelings we were experiencing!

You are not in a relationship with this teacher, have not weathered the storms of life with him, have not been through the day-to-day ups and downs with him. He is presumably straight and married with offspring. And I'm guessing most of the teens in your age group feel their peers are inexperienced (!! ) and immature

[smoothy]

Sorry about the last message, couldn't finish since I lost Internet - didn't mean to send it.

I wouldn't expect adults to sympathise with teenagers today, so I can't really blame you, but I know my self what love certainly isn't, and do have my own idea on what love may be like. Yes it is one sided,I also won't date guys my age because I do not find them attractive, and I wouldn't want to deal with the inexperience and immaturity.

How can you at only 15 begin to think you can even make such a statement? You are that one who is the one who isn't able to grasp things yet due to your whopping 15 years drawing breath.

We understand teens far better than teens understand themselves. And you really don't know yourself yet, not by a longshot... and as a boy, its going to likely be another 15 years before you can really say that and be remotely right. A 30 year old man has a pretty good idea, but you never do start learning things about yourself, no matter how old you get.

Its not love... period... its nothing more than infatuation, a crush... you don't even know him... teachers do have private lives outside of the school, normal lives, very different lives they don't share in school..

An you can't possibly be in love with someone you don't even know... and like I said... you don't know him... you couldn't just from class.

I know ruining his career, his retirement and his life means nothing compared to your wants... something else that's typical of most 15 yuear olds... they think everything is about them, you usually learn just the opposite the first month after you move into your own place and start supporting yourself.


And until you ARE an adult all your are going to find who would be pedophiles or kids your own age.

And even to an 18 year old... a 15 year old is a child just in maturity alone. Those three years make a HUGE difference... so do those next 7 from 18 to 25.

[Fiddels]

I've been reading a lot of anecdotes of intergenerational relationships, legal ones and about two where teenagers had engaged in sexual intercourse with older (sometimes married) men. It's not that difficult to find when you spend majority of your time looking for answers.

I lost most of my friends when I came out, have about 3 true friends, but even so I cannot always talk to them because they don't find it really moral, but I'm not worried about that.

To me personally, having someone show what you would consider even the smallest bit of consideration, means a lot to me because I've had so little of it. I do love him for sure.

Forgot to mention my parents are homophobes, and my dad has already threatened that if I ever came out he'd kill me, he's attacked me before so I want to avoid that route.

[smoothy]

I've been reading a lot of anecdotes of intergenerational relationships, legal ones and about two where teenagers had engaged in sexual intercourse with older (sometimes married) men. It's not that difficult to find when you spend majority of your time looking for answers.

I lost most of my friends when I came out, have about 3 true friends, but even so I cannot always talk to them because they don't find it really moral, but I'm not worried about that.

To me personally, having someone show what you would consider even the smallest bit of consideration, means a lot to me because I've had so little of it. I do love him for sure.

Consideration? YOU are bent on ruining his life... why do you even think he would want anything to do with a selfish child... and you are being incredibly self centered and selfish. And at 15 you are a child, you are no adult. Physically or in maturity level.

You only care about what YOU want now and don't care who you hurt and what damage you will cause...

This has nothing to do with being gay... or being straight.

Its no different for an adult man chasing after a girl your age, or an adult woman chasing after a boy your age... or a Gay man chasing after a boy your age... they are ALL pedophiles if they do it.

And you go to jail for that, and spend the rest of your life as a registered sex offender, not being allowed even NEAR a school or most children.

THis IS a very serious matter... even though you won't see it as such.

If you really cared you would just drop it and find another your age. If that isn't suitible then keep it in your pants for another three years until after you are legally an adult...

[C0bra_M3nace]

and I wouldn't want to deal with the inexperience and immaturity.

You're quite the hipocritical one aren't you. You think being infatuated with your teacher makes you so mature? The fact that you think you're in love with this man shows you're not mature on any level.