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joeytheman · Sep 7, 2012, 02:32 AM

And after months of her pushing me away and pulling me in, I found out she had developed feelings for an ex (a guy we both know well) while we were together. A few I love yous, make out sessions and dates later... He said he wants nothing to do with her. Now she claims she "wants to work on us and take everything very slow". I am very worried because I love this girl and want to work it out, but should I trust her? And how should I go about all this?

joeytheman · Sep 7, 2012, 02:35 AM

Btw. I had no clue until recently that she had been with anyone. She also claims she kissed one more guy during the time we were apart. All the while during while we were broken up, she kept in contact with me flip flopping. Telling me she loves me one day, and hates me another

C0bra_M3nace · Sep 7, 2012, 05:19 AM

You need run as fast as you can in the opposite direction of her. You're just her insurance policy, someone she can fall back on if everything else doesn't work out.

You can do much better.

JennaC · Sep 7, 2012, 01:35 PM

Agreed with C0bra. This girl has lost interest in you and wants to date other people but is not emotionally mature enough to handle being by herself. This is childish behavior and incredibly unfair to you. Leave her and be done with it - a woman who ACTUALLY loves you will simply be with you without all the nonsense.

joeytheman · Sep 7, 2012, 11:41 PM

If I'm to stay trying, what are the consequences? Today was a good day with us. I brought up my concerns and she claims "just like u could get anyone, I could too. Its not about being alone... I wanna be with you."

crazymind · Sep 8, 2012, 12:04 AM

Don't talk to her. Get an NC. She has used you before and will continue to do so. She was a waste of time and is a waste of time now. Just take a break from all this and engage your mind in other activities you like. I noe it will pain but pain is inevitable while suffering is optional. Its for your good.

joeytheman · Sep 8, 2012, 12:19 AM

Our anniversary is coming up in 2 months. If I do something grand, could that help? I really do love her and want to be with her.

joeytheman · Sep 8, 2012, 12:23 AM

I also wasn't the greatest boyfriend at the time. When it came to school I had dropped out and when it came to work I really wasn't doing much. Financially she really was in the lead most of the time. But now that I have a steady job I want to sure that I've changed. Take her out to dinner on our anniversary and maybe get her a promise ring? Or is it all uselmaybeess

joeytheman · Sep 8, 2012, 12:24 AM

Originally Posted by joeytheman

I also wasn't the greatest boyfriend at the time. when it came to school I had dropped out and when it came to work I really wasn't doing much. Financially she really was in the lead most of the time. but now that I have a steady job I want to sure that I've changed. take her out to dinner on our anniversary and maybe get her a promise ring? Or is it all uselmaybeess

Useless maybe* sorry if I'm being redundant. I just really want this to work guys and girls.

JennaC · Sep 8, 2012, 02:03 AM

Originally Posted by joeytheman

Useless maybe* sorry if im being redundant. I just really want this to work guys and girls.

You hadn't mentioned that stuff before. You're not being redundant but I see a bunch of flaws in this relationship. Namely the fact that she had to be the "financial lead" - you know what that means? She probably lost a lot of respect for you, whether she realizes it now or not. I dated a dude at 18 that both dropped out of high school and couldn't keep a job. I left him a bunch of times. When I got lonely I kept going back to him because he was easy to be around. Don't be that dude. What you SHOULD do is find someone else who lives closer to you and just let this girl go to college and "find herself" like we all do.

And then YOU should finish school! You can't be in a proper relationship unless you're looking after yourself.

joeytheman · Sep 8, 2012, 04:16 AM

Im stable now work wise and will be in school next semester. Should I just disregard the fact that things are good right now?

C0bra_M3nace · Sep 8, 2012, 07:56 AM

Originally Posted by joeytheman

Useless maybe* sorry if im being redundant. I just really want this to work guys and girls.

It's never going to work. She's already losing interest so what's going to happen 10 even 20 years down the road? Then you would have used up all that energy and time for nothing, when you could be finding someone who wants to be with you and has no doubt about it.

Love is blinding you and clouding your judgement and if you let it do this your whole life, you're going to be in for a whole lifetime of heartache.

JennaC · Sep 8, 2012, 09:22 AM

Originally Posted by joeytheman

Im stable now work wise and will be in school next semester. Should I just disregard the fact that things are good right now?

Yes, you should disregard that fact. What about when things AREN'T good again? She's going to bail on you - again. Get your life together (and I'm not saying you're a bum or anything) and figure out what you're doing, concentrate on school and you'll get through this. Breakups are tough but it's such a waste of time to keep going back to someone that doesn't care fully for you.