[seertrue]

I have been married for 8 years now, been with my husband for 9 in total. When I met him, I was in another relationship and ended this. Although I kept talking to my ex for another couple of months, I completely stopped once my husband told me he didn't like this. I have never cheated on my husband, but since we first got together he has constantly accused me of doing so.

It first happened when we got engaged and I was late meeting him. I had to prove to him that I was with my aunt by ringing her up in front of him. Since then, he has accused me a couple of times--once was when we had been married for a couple of years, and he went as far as telling his mum about the fact that I was messing around, and I had to prove it to him, by driving him to my workplace to prove I was there.

Since then we have had two children and the accusations became less, but recently he has become more paranoid again. I love him with all my heart and when he is normal he is absolutely amazing, but when he gets paranoid he becomes violent and treats me badly. He gets paranoid about everything. He had Viagra in his drawer and accused me of taking some. He even told his parents that I had stolen it from him, and I had to explain to him and his parents that if I was to cheat, why would I take his supply knowing that he would catch me. Even his parents agreed with me, yet he was still adamant.

He has since accused me of always liking attention from other guys and has a number of times tried to force me to agree to having had an affair even though I haven't. I am scared of what he might do. Today he came home from the gym and accused me of cheating because the bath loofa was still wet and he said that someone must have had a bath later in the day, implying that I had an affair and that I washed after. I explained that the children and their friends were with me all day and every time he called during the day I answered his call.

He now wants to put up CCTV around the house, because I work from home, so that he can keep an eye on what I do. Is this normal? I have told him that we should have counseling and that I do not deserve to be treated like this when I have done nothing wrong, but he doesn't want to go and doesn't believe that I am faithful to him. He has accused me of having an affair with a colleague of his, whom I have only ever met a couple of times when he has always been there. Also, once I was on holiday with a group of his friends and he cornered me and grabbed my clothing because I was talking to one of his friends.

I don't know what to do anymore. I really love him and don't want a divorce but he does not want counseling, please help?

[smoothy]

He's really got issues... if you feel unsafe at any time call the police. Don't hesitate.

First off, Viagra doesn't work the same in women as it does men...

He really needs counseling, however try it as a couple so it appears less confrontational. You might want to keep trying... I know he doesn't want to go.

If you have a cell phone, find a women's shelter and put it on speed dial... in case you need it in a hurry.

[Homegirl 50]

Yeah, you need to be careful with him. He sounds like danger waiting happen. Keep a shelter on speed dial.
I doubt this will get any better.

[seertrue]

Thank you to smoothy and homegirl 50 for replying. I really do not know what to do anymore. I want to be with him and he is a great father but he just doesn't trust me. He says it's my fault because I give him reasons to make him feel paranoid, but I always answer his calls, I always tell him where I am, I have an iPhone tracker on the phone so he can see where I am and every time he comes home unexpectedly, he never catches me doing anything wrong. I really would never cheat on him, but he is making me feel so depressed, I am currently on medication for this stress. I always do everything he wants me to and also whatever his family ask me to do, I always do. I have tried to be the perfect wife and daughter-in-law but I feel that I can still never reach his standards and he always looks down at me.

[smoothy]

Those are ALL reasons to be afraid, very afraid. Know what, my y wife isn't perfect, but I've never even thought about doing that kind of thing to her, much less actually do it.

These types... and yes they can be women too, always try to convince you its your fault... and many times they succede at it, even though the problem is always them.

This type of control freak has the potiential to do unspeakible things up to including killing you.

We actually had a member here a few years ago, I forget her screenname but its on the tip of my tongue... a long time member that broke away from someone like this... and unfortunately had not been able to convince the local police in Canada where she lived that he was a threat even though there was ample evidence here in the USA of it to get action. She is no longer among the living.

He may not go that far... but none of us knows that for sure, even you.

[Homegirl 50]

You will never measure up to his standards and will drive yourself crazy trying to. This craziness of his will spread to your child to and she will begin to feel she can't measure up. She will see how he treats you and it will affect her.
If he won't get counseling (and he won't because he does not see that he needs it) you need to get it and in my opinion, you need to get out of that marriage.

[Wondergirl]

My thoughts about something like this always go to "why?" Do you know anything about his younger years and if he had trusted a person important in his life who failed him?