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So_Hurt · Sep 4, 2012, 08:27 AM

>edited for readability<

My now-ex-boyfriend and I were together for 4 years living together for 3 1/2... His best friend needed help, so we allowed him to move in with us (one of the worst mistakes).

Well, they started hanging out and going to the club, coming in at all hours of the night. There was a time that I even believed that he encouraged my ex to do things outside of our relationship. I can be very over protective when it comes to him out of my concern for his well being and it's mistaken for insecurity... He was my first REAL love and I was his, he gave me his virginity.

Well, after several months of having his friend here, I asked [the friend] to leave as I could see signs of him just using us. My boyfriend and I had this big argument and he went to his mother's. Well, he kept saying that he was coming home but the days kept stretching to the next day. I got a hunch that he had a profile on this social net work and decided to download the app. Well, sure enough there he was on a picture in our bathroom.

When I confronted him about it, he lied and said he did not. I then told him that I was looking at it right now and told him the screen name and he deleted the app while we were on the phone and said that he was going to call me back... but no call back. The next couple of days there was a lot of distance as he did not come home. Then I came home from work one day and he had packed all of his things and when I called him I said are you moving out and he said yes. I asked are we still going to be together? He told me that he didn't think so...

This was on Thursday. That Friday we had a beach trip planned. I was still going. He found out through his sister. He texted me to ask if I wanted him to go. I said we planned the trip, so of course I want you to go, but he moved and we broke up. He had said that he wanted to go, so I was under the impression that this would be our time to talk alone.

We had a great time and when we got back, we talked briefly. He took a shower and left to meet his best friend. So I called to ask a question in my emotions and he says do we have to talk all day and changed his number. He started calling me every day from this blocked number. I stopped taking every call, limiting to just a couple of calls a day.

I was off work one day and he called and asked if I was going to come over to his mother's house later. I told him I would and suggested that we go out for dinner. He agreed. We got dinner, caught a movie, and later went over to some friend's house. As the night progressed, he asked when was I leaving and acted hurried for me to go as he was in his neighborhood. I went and didn't hear from him until the day after.

He still calls from a blocked number and he's not offered me his number as of yet... I then stopped taking his calls for about 4 days, so he put a post on his Facebook page saying " I miss you every day, all day and you don't know how pathetic that makes me feel to not know if you even miss me back." Right after that, he announced to one of our closest friends that he had a friend, knowing that it would get back to me. Then he started making little posts about him and this friend being sexually involved but not going steady (3 weeks out). Of course I was floored.

He still calls even though I don't take his calls. Labor Day my grandparents had a cookout and he came but I could tell that it was different. He called his "friend' several times right there in front of me. As I stated earlier he is the my FIRST real love and his first meaningful relationship and he gave me his virginity.

I'm confused though. How do you just turn off the love? Start to sleep with someone else 3 weeks out of our relationship and you still call and want to be around me, never offering me your phone number and coming around my family. It's really killing me as to what is going on with him. I can't get past this, and I'm really trying. ANY ADVICE?

backpack2389 · Sep 4, 2012, 03:36 PM

I'm not sure how to interpret your ex's behavior but I have a couple thoughts. The fact that he frequently calls/messages you, says he loves and misses you, and is attending your family functions suggests that he hasn't completely given up on the relationship. His sleeping with another person, however, would imply that he's moving on. But, I think it's very possible that he's flaunting this sexual relationship with another person because he wants to make you jealous/wants to inspire you to try to win him back.

It's also of course very possible that spending serious time with this male friend and seeing what single life could be like have caused him to want that same experience. His moving out and blocking his number indicate that he doesn't want a monogamous relationship with you. With these actions he has greatly reduced and is controlling the communication you two have while not severing bonds completely. I think this suggests that he isn't entirely ready to abandon the possibility of being with you, but also does not want you to be able to infringe upon or interfere with his new found freedom.

I think you need to directly tell him how you feel. Let him know what you want the relationship between you two to be. If you want him back but he wants to continue the games he's playing, then I think you should move on. If, however, he has been trying to get you back, then he'll leap at your offer to rekindle the relationship. If you're really wanting to forget about him, then start by ignoring him completely. Don't accept his calls, don't check his social networking pages, etc. Find things to distract yourself with. Spend time with other people, go out with friends and strengthen those relationships. Good luck.

stanmatt · Sep 4, 2012, 08:27 PM

You just have to talk and lay all the cards on the table see if what each other proposes is acceptable to each other or not

So_Hurt · Sep 5, 2012, 07:41 AM

Thanks for the advise, I really think that I am holding on to the fact of all the time that we have invested and being the first of everything and you just walk away and you don't feel anything... I am in the no contact right now and it is helping me heal... I hurts so bad to think that after all this time I don't mean anything to you... He made out last night to a friend that I am bugging him... I don't even have you phone number and I refused to call his mother or his sister as he suggested to get in contact with him... Then he make the comment that you never call and check on me... I don't know but I just don't want to get my heart back together and the you decide that you want it again