[Tanishah]

Hi, This is Tanisha. I'm 22 years old and in the final year of college.I m into a very big problem. I'm in relationship with a guy since last 3 & half years. We love each other a lot and can't imagine our life without each other. He is 5 years elder to me.The problem with us is the caste. I belong to a Gujarati Vaishnav family and he belongs to Prajapati caste. Finally at his side, after 2 years of struggle his parents has accepted me. But at my side things are not on right track. My parents health is getting weak day by day due to the tension and depression. They came to know about our relation 2 years ago. We tried a lot to convince them but they are anyhow pressurizing me to leave that guy and move ahead. That guy has achieved so many things for me in his life. He is well-settled in his career. And for the sake of convincing my parents that guy is even ready to change is surname. I just don't know how to convince my parents. I have tried my best. At last, I will have to give it up. I'm ready for that also but then my parents wants me to get married to a guy of our caste and I'm not at all ready for it, because I can never ever forget the love of my life. Please give me your suggestions at the earliest.

[JudyKayTee]

Hi, This is Tanisha. I m 22 years old and in the final year of college.I m into a very big problem. I m in relationship with a guy since last 3 & half years. We love each other a lot and can't imagine our life without each other. He is 5 years elder to me.The problem with us is the caste. I belong to a Gujarati Vaishnav family and he belongs to Prajapati caste. Finally at his side, after 2 years of struggle his parents has accepted me. But at my side things are not on right track. My parents health is getting weak day by day due to the tension and depression. They came to know about our relation 2 years ago. We tried a lot to convince them but they are anyhow pressurizing me to leave that guy and move ahead. That guy has achieved so many things for me in his life. He is well-settled in his career. And for the sake of convincing my parents that guy is even ready to change is surname. I just dont know how to convince my parents. I have tried my best. At last, I will have to give it up. I m ready for that also but then my parents wants me to get married to a guy of our caste and i m not at all ready for it, because i can never ever forget the love of my life. Pls give me ur suggestions at the earliest.

No one can help you convince your parents if you haven't been able to change their minds over the past 2 years.

You have two choices - defy your parents and marry your love; deny your love and follow your parents' wishes.

[Tanishah]

My father is like saying that if you go with that guy I won't live, I will have max. of 6months life as my health is also deteriorating and I won't be able to bear this shock.

No one can help you convince your parents if you haven't been able to change their minds over the past 2 years.

You have two choices - defy your parents and marry your love; deny your love and follow your parents' wishes.

[JudyKayTee]

My father is like saying that if u go with that guy i wont live, i will have max. of 6months life as my health is also deteriorating and i wont be able to bear this shock.

You are being manipulated in a very big way - and it's so unfair to you.

What does your heart say?

[Cat1864]

Do you have anyone in your family or community who would be willing to talk to your parents for you?

When I read questions like yours, I have to ask if you and your love have given practical thought to what the future would be like if you did marry (with your parents' permission and without.) I understand that for many caste is not the issue it has traditionally been. However, from reading other questions, I do realize there are some differences in the culture and traditions of the castes. Have you discussed how your marriage would find compromises especially if/when children are brought into it?

If you married against your parents' wishes, would you be able to let your past go? Would you be able to embrace a future without allowing any negative feelings such as guilt to damage your relationship? Would his family still accept you or would he have to deny his family, too?

If you let him go, would you be able to move forward without anger and frustration affecting your relationship with your parents?

If you let him go, how would your parents react if you chose not to marry anyone?

[Fr_Chuck]

So your family is threating to kill you ? ( not unheard of in some cultures) if you stay with him.

But you have to choose, the stress of doing nothing will eat you up. Can you break all ties with your family and just be with him or not?

[Tanishah]

Yes you are right, I'm being manipulated by my parents. Sometimes I really feel that I should not listen to them and move ahead with my love but I am afraid if something happens to my parents how will I be able to live afterwards ?

[Tanishah]

Yes you are right, I'm being manipulated by my parents. Sometimes I really feel that I should not listen to them and move ahead with my love but I am afraid if something happens to my parents how will I be able to live afterwards ?

You are being manipulated in a very big way - and it's so unfair to you.

What does your heart say?

[Tanishah]

No my parents are not saying that they will kill me if I be with that guy. They are saying that if I be marry with that guy against their wish then they won't be able to bear this shock and they will die soon

So your family is threating to kill you ? ( not unheard of in some cultures) if you stay with him.

But you have to choose, the stress of doing nothing will eat you up. Can you break all ties with your family and just be with him or not?