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rubyrage21 · Aug 27, 2012, 11:32 AM

He could barely get an errection and when he did, it wouldn't last long and go soft again within minutes. He didn't really crave sex as much as I thought he would because he would go weeks without it. He always wanted to hang out with his make friends rather than soend alone time with me, Could he be gay?

JudyKayTee · Aug 27, 2012, 11:56 AM

Originally Posted by rubyrage21

He could barely get an errection and when he did, it wouldn't last long and go soft again within minutes. He didnt really crave sex as much as i thought he would bc he would go weeks without it. He always wanted to hang out with his make friends rather than soend alone time with me, Could he be gay?

Here's a thought - ask him.

He also may be having difficult adjusting after spending 10 years behind bars.

Or maybe he just isn't attracted to you for reason or other.

Again - ask him. Presumably, he knows.

EDIT: I just realized you've asked for advice on this relationship recently - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/why-did-he-cut-me-off-so-cold-cut-me-out-his-life-completely-687764.html

rubyrage21 · Aug 27, 2012, 12:01 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Here's a thought - ask him.

He also may be having difficult adjusting after spending 10 years behind bars.

Or maybe he just isn't attracted to you for reason or other.

Again - ask him. Presumably, he knows.

EDIT: I just realized you've asked for advice on this relationship recently - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/why-did-he-cut-me-off-so-cold-cut-me-out-his-life-completely-687764.html

Well since you have read my other post you now understand that he wants nothing to do with me do I can't ask him anything. And he would never tell me something like that if he is!

J_9 · Aug 27, 2012, 12:12 PM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...-687764-3.html

If he wants nothing to do with you, why are you worried whether he's gay? Let him live his life as he feels.

rubyrage21 · Aug 27, 2012, 12:14 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...-687764-3.html

If he wants nothing to do with you, why are you worried whether or not he's gay? Let him live his life as he feels.

What the hell does living his life have to do with the fact that my health could be in danger. Please keep your personal feelings out of it and just answer the question. This is supposed to be a help desk not tell me how I should feel about whatever it is that I am asking!

J_9 · Aug 27, 2012, 12:19 PM

You didn't mention anything about your health being in danger until now. I'm not a mind reader.

But since you so rudely mentioned it. Yes, there is a possibility that your health could be in danger.

rubyrage21 · Aug 27, 2012, 12:29 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

You didn't mention anything about your health being in danger until now. I'm not a mind reader.

But since you so rudely mentioned it. Yes, there is a possibility that your health could be in danger.

I didn't rudely mention it. I just don't understand why when myself and others ask a question, most people go into attack mode instead of answering the question at hand. I asked a question for it to be answered and didn't feel that I had to add the additional information of my health. If he is intact gay and I don't know about it that is a very serious situation. Being the fact that he cut me off "cold" ( as ststed in my extrnsive previous post) I can't talk to him, let alone ask him a question specially about this. I asked a question, gave facts and all I am looking for is opinionated answers based on the information given... Didn't mean to sound rude that was not my intention...

JudyKayTee · Aug 27, 2012, 12:29 PM

Originally Posted by rubyrage21

What the hell does living his life have to do with the fact that my health could be in danger. Please keep your personal feelings out of it and just answer the question. This is supposed to be a help desk not tell me how I should feel about whatever it is that I am asking!

Here's my answer when people come back at a respected member (who, by the way, has none of the problems that you have) - "the person who might be gay" has known you for a long time and apparently doesn't like you any more

It only took me two minutes.

J_9 · Aug 27, 2012, 12:31 PM

Then go to your doctor and have a check up including blood tests for the condition(s) you are concerned about.

JudyKayTee · Aug 27, 2012, 12:41 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

Then go to your doctor and have a check up including blood tests for the condition(s) you are concerned about.

I answered this question: "He could barely get an errection and when he did, it wouldn't last long and go soft again within minutes. He didnt really crave sex as much as i thought he would bc he would go weeks without it. He always wanted to hang out with his make friends rather than soend alone time with me, Could he be gay?"

But that's not the question. The question is about any possible health problems due to the OP's relationship with the ex-con -

J_9 · Aug 27, 2012, 12:46 PM

Originally Posted by rubyrage21

He could barely get an errection and when he did, it wouldn't last long and go soft again within minutes. He didnt really crave sex as much as i thought he would bc he would go weeks without it. He always wanted to hang out with his make friends rather than soend alone time with me, Could he be gay?

This was the question I answered as well and I see no mention of any health concerns.

ScottGem · Aug 27, 2012, 01:41 PM

Originally Posted by rubyrage21

Well since you have read my other post you now understand that he wants nothing to do with me do I can't ask him anything. And he would never tell me something like that if he is!

Originally Posted by rubyrage21

I didn't rudely mention it. I just don't understand why when myself and others ask a question, most people go into attack mode instead of answering the question at hand. I asked a question for it to be answered and didn't feel that I had to add the additional information of my health. If he is intact gay and I don't know about it that is a very serious situation. ..

There is something else going on here. You posted this in the Adult Sexuality forum which means feelings enter into it. Nobody went into "attack mode" except you. If your concern was for your health, then that's what you should have asked.

But, if he wants nothing to do with you then how is your health at risk? I'm just not getting that. How does his being gay make it a serious situation for you if you are no longer together?

J_9 · Aug 27, 2012, 01:44 PM

Scott, it was moved from the mobile uncatagorized forum to the adult sxuality forum.

ScottGem · Aug 27, 2012, 01:46 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

Scott, it was moved from the mobile uncatagorized forum to the adult sxuality forum.

Same difference. This is not a subject that requires a black and white answer. I don't see a health concern nor do I see any concern that the OP should have.

J_9 · Aug 27, 2012, 01:50 PM

I'm curious if she is concerned that she may have contracted something along the lines of AIDS (for example) after having a sexual relationship with a man who may have had sex with other men while in prison.

JudyKayTee · Aug 27, 2012, 01:54 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

I'm curious if she is concerned that she may have contracted something along the lines of AIDS (for example) after having a sexual relationship with a man who may have had sex with other men while in prison.

That's my guess. Seems a little late in the game for the concern, however.

rubyrage21 · Aug 27, 2012, 01:57 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

I'm curious if she is concerned that she may have contracted something along the lines of AIDS (for example) after having a sexual relationship with a man who may have had sex with other men while in prison.

I have not contracted AIDS or anything else for that matter. The issue is that something is not right and we are on a brake right now but if I were to get back together with him I would like to know if he may be that way for my safety. He will never tell me that so I'm taking things that I observed and am asking if my assumption is along the lines of him being gay. I am not asking about my health. The health issue came up because I was asked why I was worried about if he is gay or not and health risk is a valid reason to be concerned.

JudyKayTee · Aug 27, 2012, 02:10 PM

Originally Posted by rubyrage21

I have not contracted AIDS or anything else for that matter. The issue is that something is not right and we are on a brake right now but if I were to get back together with him I would like to know if he may be that way for my safety. He will never tell me that so I'm taking things that I observed and am asking if my assumption is along the lines of him being gay. I am not asking about my health. The health issue came up bc I was asked why I was worried about if he is gay or not and health risk is a valid reason to be concerned.

Now I'm really confused - your other post indicates he's, at best, abusive. You apparently have made a decision to stay in the relationship.

I don't understand the taking a break but if you do get back together would his being "that way" be a danger to your safety. What aspect of your safety are you asking about, if not your health?

IF you have had sex with him since he was released and if you think he was having gay sex (although that's certainly not the only way AIDS is passed) you've already been exposed.

Have you been tested so you can make an informed decision if/when you decide to engage in a sexual relationship with him again?

(If he was straight going into prison I'd venture a guess that he's straight coming out - what he did in prison didn't change his sexuality, or that would be my guess.)

Cat1864 · Aug 27, 2012, 02:19 PM

Ruby, unless he was gay before he went to prison, then he isn't now. That does not mean he isn't bi-sexual.

However, his sexuality probably has little to do with his libido. It probably has more to do with suppressing thoughts about sex and arousal for most of ten years. His mind has probably been hitting him on the hand with a 'mental' ruler when he thought about enjoying sex. After awhile of suppressing those thoughts, it takes a while for the brain and body to agree it is okay to be sexually active again. Until they get together, his libido is probably not going to be very strong and he will probably continue to have issues. However, they are his to 'fix' if he thinks they need 'fixing'.

If his partner thinks he should be wanting and doing more, it could be adding pressure that turns him off sex even more causing him to back off and spend time with his buddies who aren't putting unwanted demands on him. It might also put him on the defensive and feeling like less of a man even though it isn't something he is consciously causing to happen.

As for diseases, that should have been discussed before sexual contact was made whether he had be incarcerated. It is a part of being with someone who has had other partners than yourself.

rubyrage21 · Aug 27, 2012, 02:31 PM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

ruby, unless he was gay before he went to prison, then he isn't now. That does not mean he isn't bi-sexual.

However, his sexuality probably has little to do with his libido. It probably has more to do with suppressing thoughts about sex and arousal for most of ten years. His mind has probably been hitting him on the hand with a 'mental' ruler when he thought about enjoying sex. After awhile of suppressing those thoughts, it takes a while for the brain and body to agree it is okay to be sexually active again. Until they get together, his libido is probably not going to be very strong and he will probably continue to have issues. However, they are his to 'fix' if he thinks they need 'fixing'.

If his partner thinks he should be wanting and doing more, it could be adding pressure that turns him off sex even more causing him to back off and spend time with his buddies who aren't putting unwanted demands on him. It might also put him on the defensive and feeling like less of a man even though it isn't something he is consciously causing to happen.

As for diseases, that should have been discussed before sexual contact was made whether or not he had be incarcerated. It is a part of being with someone who has had other partners than yourself.

FINALLY a valid response. Thank you so much for shring this, I wanted to know if there was a possibility that he him be gay and you have shed light in this area. Thank you.

This post was NOT supposed to discuss anything about diseases and from one response it completely took a different direction. I have been tested and do not have anything. However he was showing suspicious behavior which is why I thought that being "gay" may be a possibility since there are such thing as "undercover men" the fact that I was even questioned about why I was concerned about his sexuality was baffling as anyone would want to know if their partner or previous partner was engaging in homosexual activity. I asked a very straight forward question, gave reason as to why I thought that way and haven't gotten an answer that addressed it until now. Again, thank you for explaining.