[Jamous33]

I'm 20 years and my girlfriend is 18. We've been together for 8 months now and she is the best thing I have in my life. She just moved 4 hours away to go to college. She's allowing me to come and visit every other weekend. While she is there though I asked her to not party at all or to make any guy friends while she is there because I feel that I should be her only guy friend in her life.

I'm a very insecure person. To make things fair I do not party and I talk to no one but her. I buy her flowers and get her cards and buy her gifts randomly and as well as every month anniversary to remind her that I love her and care about her. I love her with all my heart and I tell her all the time. I just don't want to be to controlling and risk losing the best thing I have in my life. Please give me some input. Thank you!

[backpack2389]

I think you are definitely being too controlling. Partying and meeting people, of both genders, is a major part of college. It doesn't matter if you choose to not party or meet people, you can't tell her that she isn't allowed to. You either trust her and believe that your relationship is strong enough to survive the four hour separation, or you don't. And, if you don't, then you shouldn't be in the relationship. You sound like you try very hard to make her happy, be affectionate and be attentive, which can be good. But if you attempt to be so controlling, all that will happen is you will make her want to leave you, if only to escape your rules. If it helps, my longterm boyfriend and I were 5 hours apart for almost a year and, while the separation was a strain on our relationship, we got through it no worse for the wear.

[Jamous33]

I think you are definitely being too controlling. Partying and meeting people, of both genders, is a major part of college. It doesn't matter if you choose to not party or meet people, you can't tell her that she isn't allowed to. You either trust her and believe that your relationship is strong enough to survive the four hour separation, or you don't. And, if you don't, then you shouldn't be in the relationship. You sound like you try very hard to make her happy, be affectionate and be attentive, which can be good. But if you attempt to be so controlling, all that will happen is you will make her want to leave you, if only to escape your rules. If it helps, my longterm boyfriend and I were 5 hours apart for almost a year and, while the separation was a strain on our relationship, we got through it no worse for the wear.

Okay.. Well it's not like I'm completely cutting her off from everything. As in guy friends she can have them like who her roommates hangout with I don't mind. I just asked of her no one on one hanging out with guys. And for partying I we agreed that on the weekends that I come visit we can go party. I'm only like this with her because she has a bad past rap sheet of not being able to control herself when she drinks so I just fear of being hurt. And she's understanding of that.

[backpack2389]

So you do have issues trusting her, at least when she's been drinking and that's a problem. You should be able to trust that if she goes to parties without you, she'll know her limits. And you should trust that if she's hanging out with another guy one on one, that she won't cheat on you.

Regardless of her past, you can't tell her what she can and cannot do. However, if she refrains from such situations as you've described because she recognizes the temptations and/or her weaknesses, that's different because she's doing it independently. And, because she decided for herself to change, she will likely be much more committed to those changes. If you don't think she would do that on her own, then I think you shouldn't be with her.

The bottom line, you won't be able to control everything she does all of the time, so trust has to be there. Even if you put restrictions on her behavior, you'll still be trusting that she's doing as you asked. So you saying it is really no different than her making those rules for herself as both scenarios depend on her decision-making. The only real difference is that she will likely resent your attempts to control her actions.

[talaniman]

You cannot save people from themselves and cannot control her actions. Agreement made from fear never work, and if you have trust issues, that's YOUR problem, not hers.

Good luck guy, I think you will need it. I doubt if she can be so perfect for long, nor should she, as mistakes are as human as it gets. Hope it works for you.

Just try to control, and cope with your own insecurity thing, and don't get carried away with it!