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Frenchiee13 · Aug 18, 2012, 03:54 PM

So been friends with this guy for like a year and a half and he stayed round a few times. I see him like twice a week (he lives 45 min. away from me and he always comes see me) and I know most of his mates and he knows some of mine, we’re quite close I guess.
So I had a house party and weeks before that he kept saying he was going to sleep in my bed with me but that’s fine cause we slept in the same bed 3 time before and nothing ever happened apart from cuddles. But this time well as you can guess we had sex. Really good sex. It started as nothing, just cuddling and stuff and he kept messing around with my clothes and then we were face to face (well I was on top of him cause we were pretty much wrestling, hah) and we kissed I don’t know who kissed who but to be honest doesn’t matter cause we both kissed each other back then after that we had sex.
Then feel asleep and cuddle till we woke up. I had to wake up before him cause I had to check on my house and my mates (house parties can get messy) and then went back to bed and he took me and cuddles me more. Then like 1 hour later he and his mates that stayed round had to go cause they were going to Vfest for the weekend. So that’s pretty much it and no it wasn’t drunken sex we were both sober.

So my question is should I be scared that our friendship will be awkward or gone? I would die if I can’t be friends with him anymore. I care about him so much and I’m really scared, when we were in bed I kept asking him why he was doing that and he was like I’m not doing anything and kept smilling the whole time. When he gets back from Vfest I’m going to try and see him but I just don’t want it to be awkward I know it might not be but I’m just scared .

WHAT SHOULD I DO? WHAT SHOULD I SAY AND WHAT DOES IT MEAN? I’m so confused and I don’t want to be. I don’t want to lose him.

Alty · Aug 18, 2012, 04:08 PM

Why not tell him how you're feeling about this, that it was a great evening, but you're worried about losing his friendship. Ask him how he feels about it.

The thing is, men are less emotional about sex. He likely had an itch to scratch, you helped him scratch it, and that's that. For women sex is emotional, which is why you're worrying about this. I have a feeling he's not even giving it a second thought. But do talk to him, let him know that you're feeling this way.

talaniman · Aug 18, 2012, 06:45 PM

What you should do is talk, but no more sex until you get it straight if this is friends, or friends with benefits. I doubt its love, at least not for him, and most likely, its LUST. Be careful, he may say love to get more than cuddling.

How old are you both?

Alty · Aug 18, 2012, 06:52 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

What you should do is talk, but no more sex until you get it straight if this is friends, or friends with benefits. I doubt its love, at least not for him, and most likely, its LUST. Be careful, he may say love to get more than cuddling.

How old are you both?

I completely agree. Been there, done that. Thankfully we were able to work it out and to this day, over 22 years later, we're still friends. But, I'm a female. As soon as we had sex, I started to question things. He just wanted sex. I started to think I should want more, because I'm female, and I'm emotional. Sex without love wasn't something I thought I'd ever do, so I started to think I loved him, because I felt like I should love him if we were having sex.

We talked it out, we stopped having sex, and agreed to just be friends. I have to say, the sex was amazing, but the friendship is so much more amazing. Now I'm married, happy, but still have my friend. We have a past that most don't have, but we got past it because I was honest with him, and more importantly, he was honest with me.

Talk. Communication really is the most important thing in any relationship.

Fr_Chuck · Aug 18, 2012, 07:03 PM

Some times you can work it out, other times you can't, so many issues, keep having sex, not to have sex again. But what if one person decides they want more,

You just have to talk to him about it.

Frenchiee13 · Aug 19, 2012, 04:03 AM

Originally Posted by Alty

Why not tell him how you're feeling about this, that it was a great evening, but you're worried about losing his friendship. Ask him how he feels about it.

The thing is, men are less emotional about sex. He likely had an itch to scratch, you helped him scratch it, and that's that. For women sex is emotional, which is why you're worrying about this. I have a feeling he's not even giving it a second thought. But do talk to him, let him know that you're feeling this way.

Yeaa when he gets back frm the festival I'll try and see him, don't want to do it over text its better face-to-face, thanks by the way. Its been annyoing me since it happened. I don't think nay relationship will come out of it even though we are really close because he's way out of my league ahha and having him as a mate is waaaay more important then a relationship that will ned one day

Frenchiee13 · Aug 19, 2012, 04:06 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

What you should do is talk, but no more sex until you get it straight if this is friends, or friends with benefits. I doubt its love, at least not for him, and most likely, its LUST. Be careful, he may say love to get more than cuddling.

How old are you both?

I don't think I would be able to do friends with benefit because I already care so much about him.. and yeaa I doubt its love as well. I'm going to make sure it only happenes ones because it will drive me crazy if it doesn't , I'll just ask him to see me when is back from the festival.. better to do it face to face and he's 20 and I'm 18 well his going to turn 20 soon. Thanks by the way

Frenchiee13 · Aug 19, 2012, 04:08 AM

Originally Posted by Alty

I completely agree. Been there, done that. Thankfully we were able to work it out and to this day, over 22 years later, we're still friends. But, I'm a female. As soon as we had sex, I started to question things. He just wanted sex. I started to think I should want more, because I'm female, and I'm emotional. Sex without love wasn't something I thought I'd ever do, so I started to think I loved him, because I felt like I should love him if we were having sex.

We talked it out, we stopped having sex, and agreed to just be friends. I have to say, the sex was amazing, but the friendship is so much more amazing. Now I'm married, happy, but still have my friend. We have a past that most don't have, but we got past it because I was honest with him, and more importantly, he was honest with me.

Talk. Communication really is the most important thing in any relationship.

Yea the friendship for me is way more important so I will try and work something out and I'll let you know what he says!

Frenchiee13 · Aug 19, 2012, 04:11 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Some times you can work it out, other times you can't, so many issues, keep having sex, not to have sex again. But what if one person decides they want more,

You just have to talk to him about it.

Thanks I will talk to him as soon as he gets back, face to face