[Nikki803]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 months. Its pretty serious. I am 24 and he just turned 29. He has already been married/divorced (when he was 19) and also has two boys 9 and 10. He got out of an 8 month relationship 3 ½ months prior to us getting together. We make each other laugh, and it's joy to be around each other. He is a good man. A little jaded. When we first met, we were together all time. Inseparable.

Now, I understand the beginning is the “cupcake phase“, as we call it. But we have went to seeing each other all time to seeing each other once a week. Don't you think that's a big gap? We talked about spending less time together, because everyday was a bit much. I understand that we need our own personal time/space, but once/twice a week? When we aren't together, we communicate everyday, all the time. The communication is there.

About a month ago his family (that reside in the state we live in) had a get together because another one of his family members were coming into town. He didn't invite me. Now, I have met his family. I have even traveled 5 hours away to another state to meet his family. (He is not originally from the state we reside in now.) And he has also met my family. But why wouldn't he invite me. But I didn't say anything. The weekend after that they had another get together, and once again, he didn't invite me. So I asked him, babe why didn't you invite me? I asked to see if it was a specific reason why. He replies and says “babe something's you're aren't going to be included in”! WHAT? I am confused. Why would he say something like this to me? I would want him to be with me, because we are a couple. Am I wrong?

Well last night, I think what he said put the icing on the cake. We were on the phone laughing and joking. And he says “dang, one of my friends are in town” and my response was “who”! Not to pry or anything, but that would be anybody's response. I asked who and he said “huh“. I asked again and he said “huh“? Then he says “babe remember we talked about you're not going to be included in everything”. That really upset me. So I just told him to have a good night and hung up the phone. He hasn't tried calling or anything. So I called him this morning to tell him that we have to talk in person. I honestly don't think he is ready to be in a serious relationship with me.

Can anyone give me any advice?

[C0bra_M3nace]

This ones really really tough. It's almost borderline odd behaviour. I would think he's avoiding you because he's through with the relationship or he's hiding something. Good or bad. It's really up to you to communicate and figure out what the problem really is.

[mts71]

I have a brother who is happily single. We asked him why he wasn't going to bring the woman he's dating to our family's 4th of July cookout last month. He said basically that there was no need. She wasn't far enough down the road of relationship to bring her in front of the family. If it ever got serious, he would allow her to meet the family, and NOT until then. We all got laughs out of how he explained it...

It's okay not to be included in everything. It is not okay for you not to explain why. It sounds like you are more serious than he is.

Also, his refusal to answer your questions about who he was spending his weekend with smacks of the scent of female company. If it was one of his "boys" he shouldn't have had a problem telling you. If you are going to be serious, there has to be openness. If he is starting telling you that there are departments of his life into which you are not allowed, he is training you to keep out of his business, even if it means that his business is cheating.

Have you ever read Steve Harvey's book, Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man? In it he talks about guys getting away with what you allow. If you turn your head and ask no questions now, you'll do it down the road if and when he decides to have other women. If fidelity is important to you, let him know that you require openness. Otherwise, you may be opening yourself to a great deal of painful surprises down the road.

If he refuses to open up to you and be honest, then he's not ready for a serious relationship with you right now, and you should consider lowering your expectations about your future with this man.

[talaniman]

Too much, Too fast, crash and burn!

Your idea of serious and his don't match. You say you have communication, then use it better. Or pay closer attention, much much closer attention.