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poorme2012 · Aug 10, 2012, 09:34 AM

My boyfriend and I have been together going on three years. He has a daughter that will be two soon. Him and I live together and have been for awhile now. He refuses to tell his bm about us even though she has found out in the past. Her and I DO know each other and have spoken about this and she wants me out of the picture all together. She still wants her perfect family. They have been broken uo since the beginning of her pregnancy and yes he did cheat on her with me though at the time I was told they weren't together. When I had found out they were still together j was already emotionally attached and so was he and he eventually all together did leave her. He said he just didn't want to upset her during pregnancy. None the less, we were fine until I seen messages in his phone and they were still saying I love you to one another. I asked him about it, he said he still loves her because they were together almost 5 years but he's not in love with her. But I've spoken to her myself because once again she found out we were together again and he acted as if he broke it off with me. She said he still tells her he wants a family and he loves her like he's never loved anybody and he can't wait until they can be together, just that now isn't the time. WELL OBVIOUSLY, he's still living with me. Well, at the same time he's telling me the same story as her, about love, having a life together, etc. I confronted him about it and he said he only does it because she's crazy and he doesn't want to lose his daughter and if saying that stuff shuts her up its easier on him until he can afford a lawyer to get his own rights. Well during the conversation her and j had she said the main reason she's still holding out and waiting for him is because of the lines she's being fed. She takes hearing I love you completely different than how he's trying to say it. I tried explaining to him that if he'd just stop or at least slowly stop with this animosity she would eventually allow herself to move on and realize that he doesn't really want the relationship she wants for their family. Yet he doesn't care and presumes she will find out and make his life hell, so of course he continues. Am I crazy? I know he loves her, I never denied him that, she will always have a place in his heart, but saying it to her knowing her intentions while he's still perusing a relationship with me just sounds fishy as if he's still trying to lead her on, well both of us for that matter. Please help guys, I don't know what to think any longer. Btw yes I'm around his daughter every time he has her, I love her dearly and I would never EVER try to take her place of being mom, she knows well who I am even at her age. No her mother does not know she's still around me, but she knew that before when we were "together" that she was. She has stated that she DOES NOT want me around her child. Yes, she does use her child against my boyfriend every time I'm brought back into the picture... I've witnessed this myself..

C0bra_M3nace · Aug 10, 2012, 09:42 AM

So what are you still doing with this idiot? He's playing you both like a board game. You know he's doing it and yet you stick around? Where is yourself dignity? When are you going to lay down the line and stop being played for a fool.

poorme2012 · Aug 10, 2012, 10:23 AM

I mean he's home every evening and night after work, from what I've seen and heard myself she is crazy and that seems to be the only thing that calms her, other wise she snoop and creeps on him to see what he's doing constantly and as soon as she found out I was still around to my face she said idc that he's with you and I'd never deny him his kid, but then to him she said if you stay with her you can't have your child... But I seriously don't know what his intentions are. From what everyone tells me he 100% is not ever going to go back to her. So I don't know what to believe.

C0bra_M3nace · Aug 10, 2012, 10:34 AM

Originally Posted by poorme2012

I mean he's home every evening and night after work, from what I've seen and heard myself she is crazy and that seems to be the only thing that calms her, other wise she snoop and creeps on him to see what he's doing constantly and as soon as she found out I was still around to my face she said idc that he's with you and I'd never deny him his kid, but then to him she said if you stay with her you can't have your child... But I seriously don't know what his intentions are. From what everyone tells me he 100% is not ever going to go back to her. So idk what to believe.

Not knowing what to believe is a huge red flag. I didn't get the part where she is playing him too. So everyone except for you is playing games. She is playing games trying to keep him and he's playing games trying to "calm her down". In the end, you're always going to be second hand to this crap for as long as this kid requires parental guidance.

If you can't put up with it leave, if you can't leave put up with it.

poorme2012 · Aug 10, 2012, 02:17 PM

Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

Not knowing what to believe is a huge red flag. I didn't get the part where she is playing him too. So everyone except for you is playing games. She is playing games trying to keep him and he's playing games trying to "calm her down". In the end, you're always going to be second hand to this crap for as long as this kid requires parental guidance.

If you can't put up with it leave, if you can't leave put up with it.

You're right. It's hard to make that decision even though you know which one is right... I just needed assurance that I wasn't the insane one. Do you still think its right for him to say it to her though?

ITstudent2006 · Aug 10, 2012, 03:07 PM

Everyone here understands that they will forever have a place; however minuscule, in eachothers life because they had a child together. But, everything I have read, assuming it's the truth, sounds fishy and wrong.

All I see is a big triangle with the child in the middle. This is not healthy for the child, even at this young age.

3 years isn't something you can just get up and walk away from, I understand that, but I think its time you start prioritizing your own life for yourself and not that of anyone else. Especially not this guy.

Do you have an ex boyfriend? If so, imagine you still telling him you love him because you spent so long with him but you're no longer in love with him. Do you find this scenario odd? I bet your boyfriend would. So why let him do that to you?

3 years, 5 years or 10 years. No one deserves to be played like this.