[monsieurjj]

Hmm I suggest you do this: call him take him by surprise mention something like this
"hey i heard Aerosmith is in town and will be having a concert i know you like em, hope you are doing well, bye". Mention something he likes and say you know not thought know that he likes it. Say something that doesn't expect a response this will trigger something inside him.

[Mewoo123]

Well I was thinking of doing that but like what if it comes off as me wanting a friendship? I want to be assertive and straight forward

[monsieurjj]

Well I was thinking of doing that but like what if it comes off as me wanting a friendship? I want to be assertive and straight forward

That is pressure and drama I would personally stay away from that until I develop a new solid foundation of the relationship,

[Mewoo123]

Well how am I go about it after that?

[monsieurjj]

See how he responds if he does good if he doesn't it is OK. Just wait what you will be doing is planting a seed here and the law of gestation says we never know when we can sow it.

[JudyKayTee]

hmm i suggest you do this: call him take him by surprise mention something like this
"hey i heard Aerosmith is in town and will be having a concert i know you like em, hope you are doing well, bye". Mention something he likes and say you know not thought know that he likes it. Say something that doesnt expect a response this will trigger something inside him.

I don't believe in playing games in a relationship. It's either over or it's not. I would ask if we could sit down and talk. I'd prepare myself. He'll either say yes or no.

The OP was in a relationship. He'll know the whole "banter" thing is meant for a purpose.

You can't get a direct answer unless you ask a direct queston. I would ask for a second chance, ask if "you" could take it slow. There's something to be said for, "We had a good thing. I know I screwed it up. I've learned from the experience, I miss you, please - can we try again?"

Life is too short to play games. (And "Aerosmith is in town" sounds like you want him to take you to the concert!")

[talaniman]

I don't believe in games either, and if you send him a letter, then be specific and direct about what you want. Why drag out the drama and anxiety of what his response will be with gestures and games?

If you have had no further contact since the break up, chances are he may have decided to move on. Or is enjoying being single.

Whatever the case, if you are going to take the risk, then be direct, as that's not desperate as long as you can be amicable, and accept whatever decision he makes. No begging, or arguing. If you cannot bow out gracefully, then don't do it.

[aimee225]

I think.. You should enjoy being young and single.
You don't need to be tied down in a relationship at 16.
Just have fun with friends and family.

Just wait for the right person to come along when you're a little older and really ready for him/ her

[monsieurjj]

Wait you are 16, here is the deal the relationship you HAD with him is dead its gone its down the river. Rushing things is resurrecting the old relationship you had with him which the relationship both of you don't want, don't rush start something new, imagine this is a new guy would you rush things?

[JudyKayTee]

wait you are 16, here is the deal the relationship you HAD with him is dead its gone its down the river. Rushing things is resurrecting the old relationship you had with him which the relationship both of you don't want, dont rush start something new, imagine this is a new guy would you rush things?

But you posted this: "hmm i suggest you do this: call him take him by surprise mention something like this
"hey I heard Aerosmith is in town and will be having a concert I know you like them, hope you are doing well, bye". Mention something he likes and say you know not thought know that he likes it. Say something that doesnt expect a response this will trigger something inside him."

You were giving advice on how she can "trigger something inside him."

?

[monsieurjj]

But you posted this: "hmm i suggest you do this: call him take him by surprise mention something like this
"hey i heard Aerosmith is in town and will be having a concert i know you like em, hope you are doing well, bye". Mention something he likes and say you know not thought know that he likes it. Say something that doesnt expect a response this will trigger something inside him."

You were giving advice on how she can "trigger something inside him."

??

Yes it's the attraction and the connection you once haved, imagine connecting with someone you know and like and you want to start something with that person what do you do? Build more rapport right but slowly so you don't appear needy. These are the things I will do if I want my ex back however I want to evaluate myself first if I have moved on completely and have let go of the past bad things if you haven't then the relationship will likely to fail again and that's what you don't want a double heart break

[JudyKayTee]

yes its the attraction and the connection you once haved, imagine connecting with someone you know and like and you want to start something with that person what do you do? build more rapport right but slowly so you dont appear needy. These are the things i will do if i want my ex back however i want to evaluate myself first if i have moved on completely and have let go of the past bad things if you haven't then the relationship will likely to fail again and thats what you dont want a double heart break

You missed my point - I thought you were saying to contact him, use Aerosmith, bring yourself back to "his" attention followed by a post about you're too young at 16, let this go.

I wasn't sure which "side" you were on.

[monsieurjj]

What I'm saying is with all due respect as I'm really sure you are more experienced than me is that if they want a new relationship they have to start something new and fresh let go of the past let go of the old relationship, start something new what I suggested about the text is about reconnecting how to start contacting in a light hearted manner without appearing needy and desperate just a friendly note :)

[talaniman]

Lets be clear, I think chasing after a guy who dumped you and hasn't made an effort to talk is a bad idea. But in the case of this poster, I don't think she will move on unless she tries again, simply because she has fixed herself, and wants to see if that's enough. That's why coming at this as a new start only gets you in the friend zone, so I highly suggest a honest direct approach instead of a lot of chasing, and hoping.

[monsieurjj]

Lets be clear, I think chasing after a guy who dumped you and hasn't made an effort to talk is a bad idea. But in the case of this poster, I don't think she will move on unless she tries again, simply because she has fixed herself, and wants to see if thats enough. Thats why coming at this as a new start only gets you in the friend zone, so I highly suggest a honest direct approach instead of a lot of chasing, and hoping.

Tal,
Isn't pressure a killer? I just want her to have this mindset when she contacts her ex that she expects nothing totally not needy and not desperate, I want her to have her power back when she approaches this "new" relationship. I think she better come in with a confident self that will attract her ex back. Though in order to do this I think she needs to postpone this idea for another 2 months

[talaniman]

It's a risk, no matter what. But making it a game to play gets no where. You may be right though about letting the healing process have longer to work. But the OP isn't interested in healing, and cannot accept being dumped. She changed herself, and should find out if its enough,or if he is willing to take a second look.

She says she is prepared for another rejection. I take her word. We will see.

[monsieurjj]

Its a risk, no matter what. But making it a game to play gets no where. You may be right though about letting the healing process have longer to work. But the OP isn't interested in healing, and cannot accept being dumped. She changed herself, and should find out if its enough,or if he is willing to take a second look.

She says she is prepared for another rejection. I take her word. We will see.

I wish her the best and I think we all agree on that I just hope she is ready for anything, luck favors the prepared that is why I suggested being completely healed before going into this

[monsieurjj]

Its a risk, no matter what. But making it a game to play gets no where. You may be right though about letting the healing process have longer to work. But the OP isn't interested in healing, and cannot accept being dumped. She changed herself, and should find out if its enough,or if he is willing to take a second look.

She says she is prepared for another rejection. I take her word. We will see.

I wish her the best and I think we all agree on that I just hope she is ready for anything, luck favors the prepared

[Mewoo123]

Thanks guys. And yes, I'm still going through with the direct approach because I find myself going no where with beginning with casual talk with my ex. He just might get the idea if wanting a friendship. And yes, I'm hoping for a yes but going in expecting no. If he says no, then I can't change that... At least I tried and if my new self isn't good enough for him, I'm 100% it will be for someone else. I just have to give it a one last shot.

[monsieurjj]

Good luck my friend let us know how it goes