[Hopeful mom]

My son is 3 years old and I have been having a lot of trouble with trying to keep his father in his life. I have been split up with his father since April 2011. Since then I have always been the one to do everything possible to keep him in his life, such as take him to and from his fathers residence, letting him have him when ever he would like if it was not my days to have him (we had made up our own visitations that we had agreed on) then when he had moved back to his home town (an hour away) I still would drive him to see his father on his weekends but that came to a once a month thing when he would tell me his life is hectic and he doesn't have the time for him. Now it has about a year that he has seen him, and last week he called and told me he was leaving to move to Hawaii with a friend and wanted me to bring my son to him so he could see him. I said if he could come get him he could see him. I have not had any help from him since we split up. I raise my son on my own. I even have a child support order and that was done in May and still no payment. He told me it was ridiculous that he has to pay so much ($295 per month). I am at the point to where I just don't want my son to keep getting hurt by his father. He did always get excited to see him but now its like he is non existent. I don't want him to keep popping up here and there and giving my son false hopes and it will only be worse as he gets older and actually starts to understand everything that is going on. As of today I am in a healthy relationship and he treats my son like he is his own kid, my son has began to call him Daddy. I don't think my sons biological father will come around anymore and eventually my boyfriend wants to adopt but for now I just don't want to have to worry about my son being hurt. What should I do? What can I do? And am I in the wrong for wanting this? Any suggestions? Please help!!

***Another thing I would like to add is my ex has 7 children between 4 different women, He just found out about the 18 year old and tried for a few weeks to be in his life and then he stopped. Then the 11 & 12 year old he stopped seeing them when they were 2 & 3. in 2010 there mom had her new husband adopt them and when the judge put him into jail due to not paying child support he signed the papers. And then there are three other kids 3, 6, 9. They lives in his home town and he just left them behind as well.

[JudyKayTee]

My son is 3 years old and I have been having alot of trouble with trying to keep his father in his life. I have been split up with his father since April 2011. Since then I have always been the one to do everything possible to keep him in his life, such as take him to and from his fathers residence, letting him have him when ever he would like if it was not my days to have him (we had made up our own visitations that we had agreed on) then when he had moved back to his home town (an hour away) I still would drive him to see his father on his weekends but that came to a once a month thing when he would tell me his life is hectic and he doesnt have the time for him. Now it has about a year that he has seen him, and last week he called and told me he was leaving to move to Hawaii with a friend and wanted me to bring my son to him so he could see him. I said if he could come get him he could see him. I have not had any help from him since we split up. I raise my son on my own. I even have a child support order and that was done in May and still no payment. He told me it was ridiculous that he has to pay so much ($295 per month). I am at the point to where I just dont want my son to keep getting hurt by his father. He did always get excited to see him but now its like he is non existant. I dont want him to keep popping up here and there and giving my son false hopes and it will only be worse as he gets older and actually starts to understand everything that is going on. As of today I am in a healthy relationship and he treats my son like he is his own kid, my son has began to call him Daddy. I dont think my sons biological father will come around anymore and eventually my boyfriend wants to adopt but for now i just dont want to have to worry about my son being hurt. What should I do? What can I do? And am I in the wrong for wanting this? Any suggestions?? Please help!!!

***Another thing I would like to add is my ex has 7 children between 4 different women, He just found out about the 18 year old and tried for a few weeks to be in his life and then he stopped. Then the 11 & 12 year old he stopped seeing them when they were 2 & 3. in 2010 there mom had her new husband adopt them and when the judge put him into jail due to not paying child support he signed the papers. And then there are three other kids 3, 6, 9. They lives in his home town and he just left them behind as well.

What does your Court Order say about visitation and support?

Were you aware of his track record when you were having sex with him?

[Hopeful mom]

My court order says I am residential parent and that visitations are what we can come to a mutual understanding with but he hasn't even wanted to visit except when he left and he wanted me to bring him to him. And I was only aware of the three ( 3, 6, 9) and he always made it out to be that the mother would never let him see them. Not anything on his part of course. But the other kids I had recently found out about everything.

[ScottGem]

No this is not abandonment. However, if you boyfriend wants to adopt, then get married and have him file for adoption.

[JudyKayTee]

You can't force the biological father to be a caring, loving father.

If he doesn't want to visit, don't force the issue. Marry your boyfriend - as Scott said - and then have the bio father sign the consent for the husband to adopt.