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Jboogie2605 · Aug 8, 2012, 06:21 AM

My girlfriend was in a very bad relationship prior to me, a couple of them actually. She admitted to having anal sex with her ex husband who forced her to have it multiple times. She hated it. I cannot get the image of her doing that with him out of my head. Its hard enough because she and I have been dating online for two months since I've been overseas, but Ive known her my whole life and we have not been intimate. I know without a doubt she is the woman I am meant to be with and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. How do I get that image out of my head, its driving me crazy everyday. The thought of her with another man is hard enough, let alone another man having anal sex with her.

J_9 · Aug 8, 2012, 06:37 AM

She has an ex HUSBAND... of course they had sex. Whether it was vaginal or anal is not an issue.

This is her past. Her past is just that... her past. You need to get over it unless she's currently cheating on you with her ex.

I have to ask, are you a virgin?

smoothy · Aug 8, 2012, 06:45 AM

First grow up... show some maturity... what she may or may not have done before she becaume exclusive to you is none of your business to even comment on.

If you can't, then you need to stay out of relationships until you can.

Jboogie2605 · Aug 8, 2012, 07:58 AM

No I'm not a virgin. Ive been with other people also, but I'm so in love with her, and the image of him doing that to her is just stuck in my head. I have so much hate towards that guy and feel guilty that she was even in that situation to start with. I feel like she and I should have been together a long time ago. A lot of the problem might be that she and I haven't been able to be intimate yet. Im still here for another two months and I just don't know how to get it out of my head.

smoothy · Aug 8, 2012, 08:08 AM

Originally Posted by Jboogie2605

No I'm not a virgin. Ive been with other people also, but I'm so in love with her, and the image of him doing that to her is just stuck in my head. I have so much hate towards that guy and feel guilty that she was even in that situation to start with. I feel like she and I should have been together a long time ago. A lot of the problem might be that she and I haven't been able to be intimate yet. Im still here for another two months and I just don't know how to get it out of my head.

If you are having those kind of feelings... it might be time for some counseling.

Seriously... I'm a dude myself... I can have a jealous streak at times but NEVER in my adult life have I gotten bent out of shape over something someone else did before they even knew I existed.

The past is the past... let it go.. especially SOMEONE Else's PAST. You can't even change your own past... so why obsess over someone else's.

Personally... most women I have known in my life would be packing their bags about now to leave the moment you turn your back if they even THOUGHT you were doing this..

J_9 · Aug 8, 2012, 08:09 AM

She's not a virgin and you aren't a virgin. How would you feel if the tables were turned and she were upset with you for losing your virginity before you were with her?

In all honesty, it's none of your business what happened before the two of you were together.

Fr_Chuck · Aug 8, 2012, 08:17 AM

Yes what if she had to break it off since she could not get over you being with someone,

It was just sex, many couples love anal sex, some don't, it in and to itself is not a issue, you seem to be very immature? Are you a teen still ?

Cat1864 · Aug 8, 2012, 08:28 AM

First, let the guilt go. Trying to hold on to blame for something you were not and are not responsible for isn't helping.

Second, she trusted you to be mature enough to understand why she might be skittish about sex and certain sexual acts. Putting blame on yourself for something you couldn't control is not a mature way to handle the situation. You have had your own life to live.

Has she gotten help to heal from what he put her through? If not, she may need it.

Did you start 'dating' before or after you went abroad? If it was after, then I suggest not calling it dating until after you are back and you can spend time together in person. Do not try to start a sexual relationship immediately upon your return. You may have known each other for a long time as friends or acquaintances, but that isn't the same as being in a romantic relationship.

Instead of thinking about what he did to her, think about what you want to do with her. Not just sexually, but where you would like to go, experiences you would like to share, etc. Talk with her about those thoughts. Communicate with each other about dreams. Let the past fade away as you both move forward.

Stop giving the ex control. He has had enough. Take control of your thoughts. Build on the positive memories and thoughts instead of the negative.

MMcD72 · Aug 11, 2012, 02:27 PM

Are you bothered by the thought of anal sex in general? Maybe it wasn't that she was with someone else, but the type of sex she had with him. Anal sex is just one of those things -- you're either into it or you're not. Even if that's not something you are interested in, please don't judge her for having had anal sex in her past. You need to let go of the thoughts of past sexual partners and focus on what you have with your girlfriend. If you can't let go, you can't move forward.

Enigma1999 · Aug 11, 2012, 05:06 PM

Who cares! Past is past.

JudyKayTee · Aug 11, 2012, 06:02 PM

Originally Posted by Jboogie2605

My girlfriend was in a very bad relationship prior to me, a couple of them actually. She admitted to having anal sex with her ex husband who forced her to have it multiple times. She hated it. I cannot get the image of her doing that with him out of my head. Its hard enough because she and I have been dating online for two months since I've been overseas, but Ive known her my whole life and we have not been intimate. I know without a doubt she is the woman I am meant to be with and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. How do I get that image out of my head, its driving me crazy everyday. The thought of her with another man is hard enough, let alone another man having anal sex with her.

I don't think she is the woman you are meant to be with for the rest of your life.

I can't decide if you are more upset about her having been married, having had sex, having had forced sex, having had anal sex.

Perhaps you should only date virgins.

Fr_Chuck · Aug 11, 2012, 06:34 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

i don't think she is the woman you are meant to be with for the rest of your life.

I can't decide if you are more upset about her having been married, having had sex, having had forced sex, having had anal sex.

Perhaps you should only date virgins.

And hope they are not worried about his past sexual activitiy, if he tries to date others who are like him, they won't accept his past.

Perhaps become a Religious that the men don't marry or have sex after they do vows.