[Br0wnEyedGirl]

I'm in a serious relationship and live with my boyfriend. We have 9 months remaining on our current lease term. We have been having some issues and didn't want both of our names on the lease but it didn't work out that way. I have found myself very interested in a classmate. My summer plan was to move out on my own, however, my income has become very tight to the point that I can no longer afford my own place at the moment. My crush was on a summer internship and when things got complicated at home, I stopped talking to him. The trouble is we will be taking classes together in the fall... like 15 days from now. I can't stop thinking about this guys. He is perfect for me, like marriage perfect. I'm scared to leave my current boyfriend though. I don't have much of a support network and my current boyfriend is really all I have. I can't just expect my classmate to comfortably offer the same support as someone I've been with for two years, especially after I've blown him off for a month. Also, my current boyfriend has connections who may be able to resolve my work situation but it will take a month or so. I'm sure he wouldn't be willing to help me if I leave him for someone else. I'm not sure what to do. My life is at a stalemate but I need to have an answer in two weeks. Does anyone have some good advice?

[ogedazzle]

@browneyedgirl,I really understand your situation,my advice z don't leave your present boyfriend cz u can't be sure of something you don't have,resolve the Issue you have with your BF and make him resolve your financial crisis but because what you feel for this new guy might just mere infatuation that does not run deep,on the other hand who says the new guy can't stll be intrested in you just because you blew him off for a month?use your presnt boyfriend to stabilize yourself and if the new guy comes to you and you think he is serious then build a better life this new guy and I wish you the best,much love baby

[Br0wnEyedGirl]

Thank you for your quick repsponse. I do appreciate your advice greatly. Have any ideas on how to approach my classmate? I don't want to wait until the first day of school and have that awkward encounter. How do I tell him I haven't left my current boyfriend but I'm still interested in him?

[Alty]

Let me get this straight. You're only staying with your boyfriend because he supports you, and you can't afford to be on your own? That's horrible!

This is not fair to him. Does he realize that the only reason you're staying is to use him? Do you realize that's what you're doing?

[Br0wnEyedGirl]

That isn't really the case. I am employed and pay half of the rent and electric and all of my own expenses: phone, gas, insurance, etc. I don't want to be taken care of I just don't have the financial means to increase my financial obligations anymore at this particular time. Also my BF is my BFF while I'm confident our relationship isn't going anywhere, I don't want to lose him. I greatly value his companionship just not romantically.

[Alty]

Could you find a roommate, move out on your own?

Does he know that you're only staying because you can't afford to be on your own, and that you don't want a romantic relationship with him anymore?

[Br0wnEyedGirl]

I had a deposit down on a place and was going to move mid-last month with a friend but it got complicated. I gave $250 for the place and my application was approved but my friend's was not. Long story short, they kept my deposit but released the unit. My BF knew all about it. We are constantly fighting and when we do he says the meanest things he can think of just to hurt me, whether he means them or not. He has admitted this. Yet every time I go to leave I am suddenly the best thing that has ever happened to him. It's hard to leave when he is asking me not to because he is my BFF. After all the terrible things that have been said, though, I find it very difficult to be intimate with him. My classmate has been nothing but kind, understanding and respectful. After 4 months of speaking with each other, I'm sure I'm not just infatuated.

[LadySam]

I'd be looking for another room mate. If you already know the romantic relationship is going nowhere then why keep pouring salt in those wounds?
But to jump into another relationship right away is unfair to the new guy and yourself.

[Alty]

I had a deposit down on a place and was going to move mid-last month with a friend but it got complicated. I gave $250 for the place and my apt was proved but my friend's was not. long story short, they kept my deposit but released the unit. My BF knew all about it. We are constantly fighting and when we do he says the meanest things he can think of just to hurt me, whether he means them or not. He has admitted this. Yet every time I go to leave I am suddenly the best thing that has ever happened to him. It's hard to leave when he is asking me not to because he is my BFF. After all the terrible things that have been said, though, I find it very difficult to be intimate with him. My classmate has been nothing but kind, understanding and respectful. After 4 months of speaking with each other, im sure im not just infatuated.

This is not good. Is your boyfriend abusive? Physically? He is mentally abusive. Are you aware of that?

Whenever you decide to leave he's suddenly sweet and you're the best thing in the world? He's playing games with you to keep you with him. He's a jerk until you've had enough, then suddenly he treats you like a queen because he wants his punching bag to stick around for more.

Sweetie, if that's the case, you don't need a new boyfriend, you need to get out of this place, and away from your current boyfriend. You also need to realize that the title of best friends is not accurate. A best friend doesn't treat you like crap one day, then puts you on a pedestal the next day because he wants to keep you around to go through more of his abuse.

[mmresd]

Yes, break up with the current boyfriend, find a roommate that you don't depend on and go halfs, and start talking to the guy that you like. It does seem like you are more into fun than a serious relationship, why tie yourself down, just date, there is no need for you to be in any relationship if you are looking for other things while you are inside of them.

[ogedazzle]

My sincere advice z that you chill he would come baq to you,you don't have to approach him,cz if you approach him now you would have to do evrything to make him stay and that can be vry fustrating,on the other hand if he likes you he would come baq just play out nice to him be friendly,sweet he would definitely come back,I also think you come out straight with your boyfriend you are very unhappy and he doesn't realize it,maybe he could change and you could get to love him again,but he needs to know that things are not the same anymore so you guys can peacefully breakup,no need to approach the new guy for the sake of your respect,keep been nice to him he would come around.you need patience sweet,patience,I hope this helps

[Br0wnEyedGirl]

So here is the origenal situation.
(I'm in a serious relationship and live with my boyfriend. We have 9 months remaining on our current lease term. We have been having some issues and didn't want both of our names on the lease but it didn't work out that way. I have found myself very interested in a classmate. My summer plan was to move out on my own, however, my income has become very tight to the point that I can no longer afford my own place at the moment. My crush was on a summer internship and when things got complicated at home, I stopped talking to him. The trouble is we will be taking classes together in the fall... like 15 days from now. I can't stop thinking about this guys. He is perfect for me, like marriage perfect. I'm scared to leave my current boyfriend though. I don't have much of a support network and my current boyfriend is really all I have. I can't just expect my classmate to comfortably offer the same support as someone I've been with for two years, especially after I've blown him off for a month. Also, my current boyfriend has connections who may be able to resolve my work situation but it will take a month or so. I'm sure he wouldn't be willing to help me if I leave him for someone else. I'm not sure what to do. My life is at a stalemate but I need to have an answer in two weeks.)

Then...
My classmate returns and contacts me. He meets up with my best friend and me at the mall. Speands hours there chatting and holding her baby girl. So I have this emtional epifhany that I need to be with this man. When he leaves I drive straight to my apartment, pack a few bags and move in with my parents. Later that night my classmate comes by and we take a moonlite walk through the park. He tells me that he has started seeing someone else. My heart break leads me to say I'm going to drop the class we are taking together. Then he becomes all emotional and says he can't stand to lose me from his life. He tells me he's going to have to let this other girl go. We wound up spending the night together. It was perfect. He is the worlds best cuddler. Problem is this other girl is his friends friend and she is a grieving widdow who has been celebaite until she met my classmate. He asks for time to get his head together. OK. A week goes by and we are spending every other nigt together.when we are together things are perfect but each time he leaves its like we have to start from square one and I have to build his trust back. 3 days ago he tells me that he can't be with either of us because he is ashamed of his recent actions and he doesn't trust that I won't hurt him again. Fair enough. The next time I see him in class he texts m that he likes me sitting in front so he can look at me without being obvious. Then in the next class he texts me that "i consume him." we walked around campus and were so happy and in sync that everyone assumes we are dating. WHAT IN THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE? I want to be with him and have a family (which is hugh for this flighty sagg to say) but he thinks himself ou tof being with me when his heart clearly knows what it wants.

[talaniman]

You do know you are being played for a fool, as all of a sudden this fellow has issues when he knew you had issues before. Sorry but that's the problem when we rebound from a bad situation to one that's better we think than the one we had.

You still have a while on this lease, so you have unfinished business to handle with you ex(?), whether you live with your parents or NOT. That's the only good thing you have done so far, left the ex,and moved with your folks. The rest is nothing but a big emotional mess that has to be cleaned up before you are even ready for a healthy adult relationship with anyone.

[Bro98]

How long have you been in relationship with current boyfriend?

Look on craigslist for house share opportunities. You can find month to month options and rent will be a lot cheaper than most apts. Talk to friends, put yourself out and do your best.

Dropping money on a place before everyone is approved... yea not a good idea, stop and think.. how well do you know your friend you were going to rush into another contract with?. be careful. Make sure you know what your doing and think of all the possible bad choice, good choice scenarios. Weigh it out and be smart before you commit big to anything or anyone.