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rlt13 · Jul 5, 2012, 10:01 PM

I went out with my ex girlfriend from February of 2010 to February of 2011, so it's been about 17 months since the breakup. She dumped me because I was insecure, which caused me to be controlling. For 11 months she went out of her way to be cold and distant to me, which she later explained was a way to "get back at me".

Anyway, we became friends again around 6 months ago after she emailed me and apologized for the way she had been treating me. She offered to be friends and drive me to school once a week. Since then, things have progressively gotten better between us and we've reached the point where we truly are friends (as in no awkwardness) and we're going to hang out next Monday.

Here's the problem: even after all this time, I still love and care about her very deeply, more than any other female friends. No, I do not mope around and wait for her to come back; I've moved on very well in my life and made some really close female friends that I love like siblings. However, I feel a different kind of affection toward my ex and I still love her as much as I always have.

I thought time apart would fix this, but it hasn't. Maybe because we were each other's first loves, but I feel like it's more than that. Now I feel that it would be more prudent to try and get back together with her rather than try to move on, since moving on clearly isn't working. Yes, I understand that we broke up for a reason. But honestly (this is going to sound really cheesy), I feel like I have changed dramatically as a person in a year and a half and if we were to have a relationship again, it would be a brand new one.

How do I try and get back with a girl who has not been my romantic partner for so long? I don't know if she knows that I still love her; I told her that I still loved her when we became friends 6 months ago, and that she would have to accept that if she wanted friendship. Since then however, I have not told her that I still love her.

Thank you for your time!

LoveNSunglasses · Jul 30, 2012, 04:32 PM

If you told her that you loved her and she still went on with the friendship then she still has some feelings for you too and probably missed the old times and the friendship is her way of remembering those old times. I think you should tell her again that you still like her but before doing that ask her if she still has feelings for you... IN PERSON and if she says yes or maybe or anything like that then she does and that's when you tell her you still have feelings for her and that you are a different person now and if she questions that then ask her how you can prove it

I hope this helps... Good Luck

C0bra_M3nace · Jul 31, 2012, 03:48 AM

The only reason moving on is not working is because you're doing it wrong. Don't become friends with your ex, I don't really need to name a reason because you're a good example. This is what happens when ex's become friends, you still talk to them, contact them, think about them, it makes you think about the past relationship and makes you want to be with them again.

Which moves on to your second mistake, wanting to get back with her. Getting back with an ex is a waste of time, seriously. Sure there are ex's that get back together and do great, but it's rare. Usually, couples go right back to their old routines once they let their guard down and become comfortable with one another again.

You should have started no contact with her right from the start and tried to move on properly. It isn't too late, although you just back tracked quite far by already coming to the conclusion of wanting her back. Just stop contacting her, and move on. Sure it's easier said than done, but it's only as hard as you let it be.