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Lagiggles18 · Jul 29, 2012, 06:08 PM

Would you date a guy who is not good looking at all but he is super sweet and caring an lives 400 miles away and has 2 kids?

I have been talking to this guy for 3 months and I feel like I have feelings for him but the fact that he is bad looking and he is 37 and I'm 25 makes me feel like I don't want to date him. But he cares for me a lot and advices me on things that are good for me!! I feel like I want to tell him that I don't want to date him no more but he tells me things that he loves me and stuff and I feel bad leaving him for his age and appearance I'm not saying I'm beautiful but omg I need advice

odinn7 · Jul 29, 2012, 06:34 PM

How are you two dating when you're 400 miles apart? Do you mean it's just an online relationship or are the two of you actually meeting?

Lagiggles18 · Jul 29, 2012, 06:52 PM

Oh it has been over the phone he's my friends friend we have had spent the last 3 months talking every chance we got

odinn7 · Jul 29, 2012, 06:56 PM

Then you're worried too much about all of this. If you've never actually dated and now you just don't feel comfortable with the whole thing, break up with him. Tell him you can't handle this long distance thing and you need to end it.

Wondergirl · Jul 29, 2012, 06:58 PM

If this bothers you NOW when you hardy know him, it will definitely bother you later as this progresses. Break up now before either of you gets too invested in the relationship.

Lagiggles18 · Jul 29, 2012, 07:07 PM

I totally agree with both of you but it's so hard for me to hurt someone who shows so much interest how do I overcome my guilt

Wondergirl · Jul 29, 2012, 07:09 PM

Originally Posted by Lagiggles18

I totally agree with both of you but it's so hard for me to hurt someone who shows so much interest how do I overcome my guilt

You say what someone said earlier in this thread, that a long-distance relationship is just not working for you. Why would that hurt him? Why would you feel guilty?

Oh, and then break it off cleanly with no mixed messages.

odinn7 · Jul 29, 2012, 07:10 PM

You can't continue with someone simply because of guilt. That is not healthy for you and in the long run, not healthy for them either.

Better to break it off now before too much time goes on.

You have an easier way out here. You don't have to tell them that you don't find them attractive or anything. You only need to say that you have been thinking about this long distance thing and you can't handle it. It's not for you.

talaniman · Jul 29, 2012, 07:12 PM

Why can't you be honest and tell the guy you changed your mind about meeting and dating? Doesn't matter what he looks like or if he loves you, just stop leading him on.

Homegirl 50 · Jul 29, 2012, 07:13 PM

Originally Posted by Lagiggles18

I totally agree with both of you but it's so hard for me to hurt someone who shows so much interest how do I overcome my guilt

You will feel more guilt if you continue to lead him on.
You're not really dating, you have a phone relationship. Tell him you are just not wanting to continue the long distance thing. Don't continue to string him along

Fr_Chuck · Jul 29, 2012, 09:24 PM

I also feel if it is just looks, one has to worry about being shallow and what values you place in a possible dating partner.

Lagiggles18 · Jul 29, 2012, 09:45 PM

Ok thanks Im going to tell him that the long relationship thing doesn't work for me & hopefully he'll stop telling me that he misses me a lot soon! Should I just ignore his calls for now & let a little time pass by because he keeps begging me and I already told him that we should just be friends

An u know in not shallow because I dated a guy for 6 yrs and he was not good looking either people kept telling me I could do better they were right but not in the appearance aspect but in his life aspects I'm glad I got out of that

Wondergirl · Jul 29, 2012, 10:03 PM

I don't think you can be friends at this point. You are going to have to make a clean break and not drag this out which would give him hope.

Lagiggles18 · Jul 29, 2012, 10:11 PM

Oh yeah that makes a lot of sense because it has all been over the phone so that would continue him hoping for me to change my mind! I'll just tell him we shouldn't talk no more not even friends because that could hurt both of us in the long run

Lagiggles18 · Jul 30, 2012, 06:09 AM

Omg he keeps calling & calling me he can call me up to 20 times in just a couPle of minutes this makes me feel more bad

talaniman · Jul 30, 2012, 06:17 AM

You have already let this get to far out of hand, and need to nip this in the bud by telling him straight up to leave you alone, and follow up by ignoring him and blocking his number.

No more of this wishy washy hand wringing over this BS guilt. Its more like cowardice.

Lagiggles18 · Jul 30, 2012, 06:39 AM

I am ignoring his calls I can't block his number because my phone is old but yesterday Isis tell him we should not talk at all so either of us gets hurt! I will text him to leave me alone thanks for your advice

Omg and now he has called me 65 times in 40 minutes I had to silence my phone because its 6am omg

Lagiggles18 · Jul 30, 2012, 10:38 AM

This guy apparently really really likes me and I told him that I just want to be friends but if I talk to him I might just agree to talking to him as boyfriends because I like the way he talks and expresses himself I just don't like how he looks and that he's in L.A. And I'm in San Francisco but I would feel bad telling him that I don't want to talk to. Him no more because he ain't good looking we have talked for 3 months

odinn7 · Jul 30, 2012, 05:40 PM

He sounds like he has issues.

Tell him in no uncertain terms that he needs to stop doing this. It's over, he needs to accept that, he needs to stop calling you.

Homegirl 50 · Jul 30, 2012, 07:42 PM

Yeah that sounds crazy. How old is this guy?