[worriedalittle]

I have been with my husband for 7 years, and we have been married for two of them. We have had our ups and downs, and we almost got divorced last year. I ended up coming back because we both wanted our relationship to work out. I have been home for almost a year, and I just don't know what to think anymore. My husband never seems to want to spend time with me anymore, and gets really excited when he gets to talk with his female friend on FB (a good friend that I never knew a thing about until after I got back home - but he says they are best friends). He'll drop everything to message her if he notices that she sent him something, or if she calls then anytime is a good time (she is married as well). We have also had a porn issue throughout our relationship. When we first got together I told him that porn was no big deal. I just didn't want it hidden like it was something that he didn't want to involve me in. I even brought home dvd's for us to watch together (I am very open sexually). However, he never got aroused with me watching it with him, and continued to hide/lie about it. He would wake up early to watch it or stay up late (like 4am) to watch it while I was asleep. I caught him 9 times already, and each time he says "I won't do it again". I then tell him that I never asked that of him. I only asked for him to not hide it. I have also gained some weight after I had our son (which has made me feel a little insecure, and I am on a diet now and lost 20 pounds so far) and after I came home to reconcile he told me that I had changed him. He didn't like himself, or the fact that he watched porn, and told me that it didn't appeal to him anymore - he was done with it. I told him that was fine as long as he was making the decision for himself, and not just telling me lies. I have also made several videos for him, and took numerous pic's of myself (others he took) so that he would have something when I wasn't around. I have also quit my job because he told me that he felt emasculated by me working and making so much money (we have an autistic son who needs parent supervision 24/7). So, I said I didn't mind letting him take the reins and make the money. I will stay home, and he can go to work. His car also broke down before I came home, and I bought a car in order for him to get to and from work. I also have been going to college classes in order to create a better future for my family, and myself. I do so much for him, and yet he still makes me feel like I come in second because he'd rather be with/talking to his friends than spend time with me. I wrote him a letter last night calmly explaining my feelings so that my delivery would not be taken the wrong way. I just wanted him to know how neglected I have felt. He doesn't get home from work until 2am, and when I wake up at 4am to get some water from the fridge he is up watching porn. I said "I thought you told me you don't look at that anymore" - he then replies "what are you talking about"... like I'm stupid or something. I left it at that and when he came to say he was sorry I told him I just didn't care anymore. Why should I care about lies? All I've ever wanted was to keep this relationship open, but he constantly hides something that should not be a big deal... I called a marriage counselor this morning because I love my husband. I want us to work. I just don't know if he really wants me though, or if all he wanted was someone to supply him with a ride for work, clean his house, and be is live-in nanny. This way he could do what he wanted, and use work for an excuse (I supported our family by myself for 5 years, and was never allowed to use it as an excuse). I would just like to know if I am being overly worried, or if I really am concerned about something that is serious. Any help would be great.

[Wondergirl]

You are a mother to not only your son but are also playing the mother role with your husband regarding porn.

Why would he rather be talking with his friends? What are you bringing to any conversation with him? All I'm reading is talk about child care, housework and the other detritus of life, and "stop looking at porn."