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Daile · Jul 11, 2012, 10:49 AM

We are in July now and my boyfriend of 6 years and I haven’t planned any vacation yet for summer or fall. It’s always complicated for him to take vacation with his job, he can take 2 weeks in a row only in November. But it’s a maybe. My friend offered me to go to Europe with her in September for 2 weeks. I really want to go but my boyfriend is mad at me for that. He says that I always plan things without him, blablabla. Last year, he was supposed to come with me on vacation for a week and, last minute, he said he couldn’t come. I am afraid that if I don’t go with my friend, I will regret it. He is miserable at his job, not happy anymore but he just won’t quit, which is his problem, but I want to take vacation and I am sick of waiting for him. I don’t trust the fact that he will be available in November. If I say no to my friend and my boyfriend is not available in November, I will be mad at him. What should I do? I think I should go anyway with my friend and take another week in November with my boyfriend. Does it sound OK?

mmresd · Jul 11, 2012, 11:20 AM

Yes, time apart is just as important as time together, remain faithful and this is a great way to see if your boyfriend actually trusts you. If he disagrees, then break it off and find someone who has confidence in himself and you. And go have fun in Europe!

slapshot_oi · Jul 11, 2012, 11:46 AM

Originally Posted by Daile

What should I do? I think I should go anyway with my friend and take another week in November with my bf. Does it sound ok?

Yes, go!

If your boyfriend doesn't like it, who cares? He sounds like a complainer, not a problem solver since he continues to work a job he hates. People like this will want you to suffer with them.

Daile · Jul 11, 2012, 12:53 PM

I know I will feel bad before leaving because I will leave him alone for two weeks. But I know that the contentment and hapiness I will feel there will overpass this I guess. Life is going fast and I want to enjoy it... But I feel culprit... I wouldn't like him to go on vacation without me. But deep into me my heart says that I should go in Europe!

Why can he just find another job. He's not well paid, he can't take vacation, etc. I guess he has to help himself and find something else. Should I tell him? I don't want to put pressure on him but God, we have to be happy in life.

smearcase · Jul 11, 2012, 01:07 PM

Go and maybe you'll meet a rich, suave, debonair European and maybe he can find a rich, suave, debonair lady in his area while you are gone.
Breaking news-many people are working low paying, non-elite jobs because that is the only job they can find.
Do what feels good and live with it -good or bad.

Daile · Jul 11, 2012, 01:50 PM

Originally Posted by smearcase

Go and maybe you'll meet a rich, suave, debonair European and maybe he can find a rich, suave, debonair lady in his area while you are gone.
Breaking news-many people are working low paying, non-elite jobs because that is the only job they can find.
Do what feels good and live with it -good or bad.

The goal is not to meet someone but to visit and have fun with my friend!

He can find another job in his field, trust me! He just doesn't want to and I guess is afraid to change...

Daile · Jul 11, 2012, 05:19 PM

So I guess I should not feel guilty about it and if he's not happy, I should ignore him?

smearcase · Jul 11, 2012, 06:08 PM

You are the only one besides him that knows if you can do this without any serious problem. It is along time since I have been in any situation remotely similar to yours, but I think I would have taken it as a downgrade in my standing with my girlfriend of one year, let alone six years. She respected the requirements of my occupation and my work and my financial standing were not her priorities concerning me.
You know better than I what has kept you together for 6 years, and if you feel comfortable and don't think it will jeopardize the relationship-or maybe you don't care if it does (and that is not meant as a sarcastic comment), do what feels good-seriously.

LadyToni · Jul 11, 2012, 07:36 PM

Go enjoy yourself and have fun with your friend in Europe. Your BF will get over it or if not, then you need to take care of you. Time away is important for any and all relationships. My husband and I took separate vacations this year. Amazing!

Daile · Jul 17, 2012, 09:07 AM

Update

I just told my boyfriend yesterday that I would say yes to my friend. He started complaining about the fact that I always plan things without waiting for him (which is not true, I always try to plan vacation with him). When I try to organize something with him, it's always wait, wait and wait. I asked him would you be able to take 2 weeks in November with me? He said I have to check with my boss, which is fine. He said that she would be back only in August. I said « you say that she will be back only in August but you told me she would take 2 week of vacation. That makes 3 weeks?” He said “Well I don’t know if she will be available….” Honestly, it doesn’t sound good. Like he’s already postponing his answer. I feel like I have to go to wake him. He said that I was a little impatient since I wanted an answer now. Is it still OK to go?

smearcase · Jul 17, 2012, 11:37 AM

Only you can know how much of a gamble you are taking with him, and only you can know how much of a gamble you want to take with him. And do you need the vacation more or being with him during the same time more? And how important vacations will be to you in the future because he probably won't change very much in the future in the vacation scheduling dept. Weigh the various factors and decide.

slapshot_oi · Jul 17, 2012, 11:56 AM

Originally Posted by Daile

Is it still ok to go?

Why do you need approval from us or even your boyfriend? Do what you want.

Daile · Jul 17, 2012, 12:20 PM

Because I feel like I am being a bad person, not a nice girlfriend... I guess he makes me feel like that.

LadyToni · Jul 19, 2012, 08:53 PM

Originally Posted by Daile

Update

I just told my bf yesterday that I would say yes to my friend. He started complaining about the fact that I alway plan things without waiting for him (which is not true, I always try to plan vacation with him). When I try to organize something with him, it's always wait, wait and wait. I asked him would you be able to take 2 weeks in November with me? He said I have to check with my boss, which is fine. He said that she would be back only in August. I said « you say that she will be back only in August but you told me she would take 2 week of vacation. That makes 3 weeks?” He said “Well I don't know if she will be available….” Honestly, it doesn't sound good. Like he's already postponing his answer. I feel like I have to go to wake him. He said that I was a little impatient since I wanted an answer now. Is it still ok to go?

I say yes. It isn't that you are trying to not include him, but if he is making excuses before he even finds out if he can go then I think you need to take care of you. Regardless of how close you two are separate vacations can be a good thing. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. Perhaps time away will make your BF understand that he may not want to take spending time with you as less than a priority. There are no do overs you need to do what you feel you need to in life.

Originally Posted by Daile

Because I feel like I am being a bad person, not a nice girlfriend... I guess he makes me feel like that.

Please don't let him or anyone make you feel bad for wanting to take care of yourself. You aren't being selfish, you can only give of yourself when you are in a good place. If vacationing feeds your soul then you need to take care of you. He will get the benefits of you feeling better.