[bjs1976]

Hi all,

I don't know if I'm being jealous, insecure, or should be truly concerned. So need a sounding board.

My GF and I have been going out for 8 weeks - She started to work in a bar from 8 pm to 12 or 2am depending on how busy the bar is. I know that when she finishes, sometimes she goes for a drink with her friends...

Last night, (I live in a small town), on my way home, I went to collect cigarrettes from a late night kebab shop - I had been out dancing salsa with my salsa class - I look over, and in the bar opposite, I think I see her - I proceed to the other place to get my cigarettes and she comes up to me, crosses the road and says "its good to see you" and for me to come over for a drink.

So I go park the car, get to the place, and she is sitting there with another guy - a "male friend" who is Columbian (no disrespect, but these guys are smooth talkers). I try and keep my composure, but I am not happy - The guy starts making loops around me... stuff like asking my girlfriend to say "I love you" in bulgarian, and then he laughs and says "Now tell your boyfriend!" - Makes remarks that I am busy and I should take her dancing... she starts saying they can go after her work one day... the whole thing left me really uncomfortable, plus I had had a few drinks...

The guys seems to know about me, I know she said she has a boyfriend, because he knows about me - but nonetheless, here she is with him, he was probably at the bar where she works and then they went on from there - Apparently she was waiting for her best friend and flat mate and was going to try and hook them 2 up - but I can see this guy wants my girlfriend, not the friend... and he is paying for the drinks... and she is drinking... and eventually her friend does turn up...

She says I should go to sleep at her place, but I declined - just felt ty inside and needed to get out, so I said goodbye, that yes something was wrong, and told her we would talk tomorrow, which is today because I was slightly drunk and didn't want to speak things out of turn and wanted to reflect on what happened.

My GF is pretty, she probably gets hit on all the time, I know that - but, seeing it in front of me just really hurt... especially as she was there alone and the guys intentions are very very clear...

What should I do? I don't want to come over insecure, but I feel like she disrespected me and whilst I do trust her, I don't trust guys or alcohol... but she is working in a bar and this probably could happen far more than I know... My last long term relationship ended when my girlfriend started to work in a bar evening/nights... and I was cheated on by so called "they are just a male friend"...

Help please,

Thank you!

[Homegirl 50]

She did come out and invite you over and like you said you had been drinking yourself. I think it was you were not expecting to see her out with a guy.
The guy behaved like a jerk but that was him, not her.
Given that you don't trust guys or alcohol and she works in a bar, and drinks herself, she may not be the one for you.
You have only been going out 8 weeks, if you are seeing things you don't like. End it. That is what the initial dating period is for, to see if you two may be a match. How old are the two of you?

[bjs1976]

Im 36 she is 26.

Im going to speak to her, see if she understands my position - Yes, you are right, I was completely unprepared for the encounter. Caught me off guard, plus alcohol, wasn't good.

This is only a temporary situation - she is a qualified social worker, but does not speak the language yet in this country well enough to be able to do this.

She is very outgoing, and somewhat naïve and wants to be nice and friendly to everyone.

Let's see...