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artnut56 · Jul 11, 2012, 05:10 AM

Hi guys, I'm new here but have seen some of the advice given to people in similar situations and hope you can all help me (sorry if this post gets a little longwinded at times!)

I was with my ex for about 8 months, during which time we both told each other we loved each other,spoke about the future etc. He had been cheated on in the past and always said how much he despised people that acted that way, in fact his father cheated on his mother and left the family which has resulted in him no longer keeping contact with his dad. Because of this I thought he would never cheat, neither would I and so trusted him completely.
After about 3 months however he became distant, started yelling at me for tiny things like leaving a dirty glass in his room instead of cleaning it straight away etc, was very reluctant to see me or contact me. I put all of this down to being stressed, he is a university student and was holding a bar job at the same time so had little to no sleep and full time classes. So I cut him some slack, which he didn't seem to appreciate.

After a while I became suspicious of a girl he claimed he didn't like from his orchestral group, he said she was high maintenance and a and had insulted him a few times. Naturally I found it suspicious then that he seemed to be texting her and fb messaging her at all hours of the day. I finally looked at his fb message and saw a conversation between them about him cheating on me with her, how he wanted it to continue and thought she was hot etc etc but she also had a boyfriend and so it could not carry on.From what I know he stopped talking to her for a while after that, but obviously it started up again at some point.. as I noticed once again her texting him and messaging him all the time. Eventually I confronted him on this, it was starting to drive me crazy, ruined myself esteem and confidence at which point he said he cheated because 'at the time we hadn't been together that long and weren't that serious', he told me it would never happen again but that he wanted a break as he wasn't sure he could stay in a relationship where I didn't trust him, he couldn't handle me nagging him all the time what he was up to or if he was talking to her.

To cut a long story short, after about 3 weeks during which time he completely ignored me, and I assume resumed flirting with this girl, we met up and he said he wanted to break things off. He denied wanting to start anything with her but after another 2 weeks I saw pictures of them together on Facebook and comments to each other on twitter proving they were a couple. So I guess he actually dumped me to be with her instead.

I've deleted him off fb and twitter since then but I can't seem to move on. It's been 3 months and I still think about him all the time. I really loved him and wanted to try and make stuff work but he refused to stop contacting her and in the end picked her over me, It has ruined myself confidence as I keep wondering why I wasn't good enough for him or what she has that I don't. I'm currently being treated for depression that has resulted from this as I just feel completely worthless now :/

Basically I'm just at a loss, he cut off all contact with me as soon as he broke up with me, ignored any attempts I made to be friends or keep in touch. Effectively he is treating me like the bad guy and I can't understand why he would hate me so much? And now I'm left with so many unanswered questions as to what she has that I don't I just feel helpless now, and that I will never be good enough for anyone.

I hope you guys can give me some advice on what to do to move on, all my friends have just said forget about him but it's not that easy and I'm struggling to believe I will ever find anyone else after he cheated and seemed to think I wasn't good enough.

Thanks for your help
X

Fred5623 · Jul 11, 2012, 07:54 AM

Basically what you need to do is show him what he lost. Guys and girls like that are a disgrace. The way I see it if he would do any like that he isn't worth it. If a person can't be honest there is no point to care about them in a relationship. I can understand you pain. After 3 months my ex dumped me for another guy, who dumped her after a week. I can tell you a nice person. You gave him plenty of chances and that's how he repays you. Show him that you can move on. You can only pick yourself up and start something new, with someone better than him. It does hurt at first, but in the end you'll be a better person.

artnut56 · Jul 11, 2012, 08:02 AM

Originally Posted by Fred5623

Basically what you need to do is show him what he lost. Guys and girls like that are a disgrace. The way I see it if he would do any like that he isn't worth it. If a person can't be honest there is no point to care about them in a relationship. I can understand you pain. After 3 months my ex dumped me for another guy, who dumped her after a week. I can tell you a nice person. You gave him plenty of chances and that's how he repays you. Show him that you can move on. You can only pick yourself up and start something new, with someone better than him. It does hurt at first, but in the end you'll be a better person.

Thank you for your reply, I'm sorry to hear about your ex as well, I hope you are OK :(
I know I need to move on it's just hard to switch off feelings for him and recognise him as a cheater, I keep finding ways to blame myself for driving him to it even though I tried so hard to be a good girlfriend, I guess it is made worse by him being happy with her now too and me being left to deal with this alone.

mmresd · Jul 11, 2012, 10:47 AM

Yes, we have a lot of good advise, to wrap things up though here is what you need to do:

-Go NO contact.
-Keep yourself busy.
-Let time heal your wounds, it is the only time that can.
-Work on yourself, yourself esteem needs to be within you and if you let someone touch it then it is not real, learn to have confidence maybe attent a seminar or download a couple videos online.