[jaydechoudhury]

Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 2years now I'm 18 and he's 23.. I'm crazy in love with but we have no trust at all! But I really want to try and work things out and build the trust we lost. He's been in relationships before me and cheated on his girlfriend to be with me.. and I no that wasn't wrong of me.. He's asian and I'm white, people tell me ill never be accepted into his family, but he says different, he promises me the world, but we argue a lot. We both want to change because at the minute, we aren't working and we've started chilling with the wrong type of people and started taking drugs. We both promise to change, and sort our lives out, but I don't know if I'm wasting my time, I'm getting a house in a few months time from social services as I've been in care since I was 13.. I really don't know what to do.. Because I do love him and he's my life, I can't go a day without him but I feel sometimes I'm going to be left hanging.. :(

[CravenMorhead]

There is an adage, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." I am not sure how true that is, but if he cheated to be with you what do you think will happen when he wants to be with someone else?

I think that you need to evaluate how your life is going right now and if it is the path you want to go. You're 18 and you're unemployed. The fact you're getting a house astonishes me, I had to work long and hard for 14 years to get a house. That is besides the point though. This is a time in your life that is wrought with change. You're out of school and technically an adult. The yawning abyss of your future is ahead of you and you need to figure out what you want to do.

Get a job? Go to school? Become a mother? All valid choices. What you shouldn't do is what you're doing. Drugs and the like will lead you to no place happy. Your trust issues I think are valid, but it is also something that you need to deal with. A counselor will help you out with that.

I am not suggesting that you dump your boyfriend or what not. I think you need to have a good long hard look at your life and see where it is going.

[Zooster545]

Sorry to say but you are probably better getting out of the relationship and starting new. I actually just got out of a relationship a little bit ago where we had trust issues. We kept trying to get past them and I would be generally over them and my ex said he was too, but then we would get into a fight (we had those pretty often too) or something and the issues would just pop back up. My ex kept saying he was trying to change but nothing ever improved, so I broke up with him. We still really care about each other but I know it will just not work out, and after being apart my ex agreed even though he still wants me back sometimes. We were together for almost 2 years and the whole relationship was very complicated. I do not think that "once a cheater, always a cheater" is true for everyone. I have cheated before but that was because I was very unhappy in my relationship. When someone genuinely wants to be with someone and be committed to one person than it isn't an issue. There are some people though who do apply to the once a cheater, always a cheater quote; they just can not handle a true relationship.
I think Craven does bring up that you should probably try to figure out some of your life though. Maybe take a break with your man? Still talk but try to have each other work out some of your own personal problems before getting back together. If you aren't able to commit to a relationship mentally (this happens if you have a few too many problems - my ex was not really able to love himself for example) than that just makes the relationship that much harder to work out.
Another note- when someone promises you the world and you have trust issues, that might be why. If he just keeps making promises and not following through, its not going to get any better. I am not saying it is impossible to mend the relationship, but it is VERY hard and pretty much impossible after a certain point. My recommendation is to still just try and move one before you are with them for so long that it just hurts you more.

[JudyKayTee]

I love the cheating question!

I'm an invesigator and I work matrimonial surveillances (which sounds a lot more exciting than it actually is, by the way). I have found there are two types of cheaters.

Type #1 cheats, regrets it, learns a lesson (which sometimes includes divorce) and never, ever cheats again. You could bet your life on this person's faithfulness.

Type #2 is what I call a serial cheater. Sometimes it's about the game ("Can I cheat without getting caught?"), sometimes it's about ego ("I can get anyone I want. I'm hot."), sometimes it's about bruised ego ("My spouse doesn't pay enough attention to me.")

The problem is telling the two types apart.

Would I stay with a cheater? No. Would I be the cheater? No.

I've seen too many lives torn apart. I HATE reporting back to the client in these matters.