[JudyKayTee]

As much as I appreciate your concern, I'd rather not force him to go see a urologist. I have no say in what he wants to do with his body. He is mature enough to be able to say yes I want to go or no I don't want to go. Chances are after I show him how concerned I am he will agree to go.

I assume you posted because you want honest answers.

I don't think his is mature enough to know what he wants to do with his body. His problem, whatever it is, is outside to norm - you are concerned. He doesn't seem to be. He appears to be happy living the way he is.

All else aside, his brother had cancer. That alone would scare a responsible person into the Doctor's office.

[Steph_93]

So you feel it's best I do what excon suggested?

[JudyKayTee]

I don't know that I'd make the appointment BUT I would talk to him, tell him about my concern, strongly recommend a medical checkup.

If he prefers to live "this way," then you have to rethink your options.

[smearcase]

Is he already in medical school at age 19? Where did he get all the mental health knowledge? Have there ever been nocturnal emissions? Any oral?
If he recognizes that he has a problem (I'm still not convinced that he does but I am not a physician) and refuses to go to a Dr. about it, concerning a subject so critical, and if you are not satisfied with that outlook--move on.

[Steph_93]

Yeah that's what I was saying JudyKayTee :)
Smearcase he hasn't gone to medical school yet but it is his career choice. He has taken a few medical classes and he reads and does research on his own. Biology has fascinated him as a child and he spends a lot of his spare time reading text books, that's something I love about him. His Intelligence is what drew me to him when we first met. No he doesn't have nocturnal emission, I would know because he recently got his own place and I sleep over just about every night, before that I wouldn't know. The has been oral just about every time we have intercourse but it's gotten to the point where my gag reflex doesn't react anymore and he's hurt my throat on a few occasions so I stopped for a while. I don't know if he can ejaculate with oral since I can't last very long. If I find out he physically CAN'T ejaculate I'll stay with him regardless. I'm just hoping there's something I can do. So far I'm going to do what JudyKayTee suggested and I'll keep you all updated afterwards.

[JudyKayTee]

You have no idea how I respect you for listening to all of the opinions and expressing yourself so clearly - usually people ask, we answer, the person who asked gets hostile beyond hostile... and we're off and running.

He sounds like an intelligent interesting guy with a lot to offer.

I wonder if he climaxes but doesn't ejaculate - ? I've had female friends who are of the "is that all there is?" kind - expecting fireworks and the top of their heads to blow off when they orgasm - and I wonder if that could be a situation with a man?

I also found this (which Wondergirl referenced): "Delayed ejaculation (or retarded ejaculation) affects a much smaller number of men - as few as 3%, according to some estimates. It's one of the most poorly understood ejaculation problems. Some men cannot reach orgasm at all, at least not with a partner. Retrograde ejaculation is the least common of the ejaculation problems. It causes semen to back into the bladder during orgasm instead of exiting by way of the penis. The semen is then later flushed out when you urinate.

Retrograde ejaculation can be caused by diabetes, nerve damage, various medications, and surgery that disturbs the sphincter muscle. It's harmless and won't interfere with the feeling of orgasm. (It can also make for an easy post-sex clean-up.) But since it does affect fertility, some men may need treatment if their partners are trying to get pregnant.

What Causes Delayed Ejaculation?

There are lots of different reasons for delayed ejaculation. Some medicines -- like antidepressants -- are common culprits. For many men, it's age." Overcoming Ejaculation Problems: Delayed, Premature, and Retrograde Ejaculation

Well, "we" know it's not age - is he on any medication?

I've heard of this following a vasectomy but never without the surgery at that age.

Now you've got ME researching! (Come on over, we'll share a computer, I'll make lemonade and cookies and we'll research together.)

[Steph_93]

He's told me of retrograde ejaculation before actually. We were in bed and I pressed a certain spot and he told me to stop because that can cause semen to go into his bladder if there ever was any semen to come out. He also told me it delays ejaculation and that was a big facepalm for me. I'm very glad I can finally talk to someone about it though. It's a sensitive topic and if I were to talk about it with people I know he wouldn't like me telling them certain things. They wouldn't give me much feedback anyway. My goal is to give him at least one orgasm by the end of this year. Strange, I know but its something I want him to experience.

Mmmm cookies...

[Wondergirl]

Which brings to mind his prostate... Has he ever had problems with it being infected or enlarged that you know of?

[excon]

Hello again, S:

Orgasms ARE nice.

excon

[Steph_93]

Wondergirl I've never asked, why do you ask?

[Wondergirl]

If he has any problem with the prostate, this can affect the urinary or reproductive system or both.

[smearcase]

He doesn't orgasm or ejaculate, but you touched an area that he thought might make him ejaculate into his bladder, but he has never had an orgasm- that's the original title for this question.
Does he have a medical term that describes that part of the male anatomy?
Is he afraid to ejaculate-is it just that simple?

[Steph_93]

He said it was the perineum. If he has had an orgasm it's not very apparent. I doubt he's afraid to ejaculate, he just simply can't.

[smearcase]

Well, at least here is some good news possibly-from Mayo Clinic:
"Infertility
If you have retrograde ejaculation, you'll likely need treatment to get your partner pregnant. In order to get your partner pregnant, you need to ejaculate enough semen to carry your sperm into your partner's vagina and into her uterus.
If medication doesn't allow you to ejaculate semen, you will likely need infertility procedures known as assisted reproductive technology (ART) to get your partner pregnant. With ART, sperm can be recovered from the bladder, processed in the laboratory and used to inseminate your partner (intrauterine insemination). Occasionally, more advanced assisted reproductive techniques may be needed. Many men with retrograde ejaculation are able to get their partners pregnant once they seek treatment"
But most sites indicate that those with this condition do have orgasm and I think you say he does not, so it is still possible that he does not have retrograde.
I would be looking for a urology clinic at a good teaching hospital. There can't be much they haven't seen. He needs to develop some trust in the medical profession if he hopes to be part of it one day.
Best wishes to you both.

[Steph_93]

Thank you so much for the information you've given me. If he had retrograde ejaculation at least I'd know he's able to orgasm. If not I really hope there's a way to fix it. You guys have really given me the guts to seek for an answer and talk to him about going to a urologist.

[Wondergirl]

He's only 19, and this might be an easy fix now, whereas if he waits, he might need surgery or this might cause additional problems. If he is headed for a career in medicine, the old saying "Physician, heal thyself" is especially important if he wants to be a good doctor someday. And the childhood abuse is (or may not be?? ) a separate issue, so walk carefully around his emotions. His inability to ejaculate and orgasm may be an unconscious thing from the abuse, that he won't allow himself to feel pleasure ever again. (The human mind is a wonderful thing, but oh how it can work against our best interests!)

[Steph_93]

Well I said I was going to keep you guys updated and here I am. We talked about it but he didn't make much of it and somewhere along the line we grew out of each other and broke up. I broke up with him because he would drink a lot and he started experimenting with drugs and avoiding me. This was not what I had expected of him and I just couldn't take being treated the way he treated me. I know it's. It the kind of update people want to hear but life likes to throw obstacles at people when they least expect it. I have now met a really nice guy who is nothing but a good friend and we can talk for hours and he just made the break up a whole lot more bare able :) I have also started talking to new people and stopped hanging out with my ex's friends who are a bad influence and I can honestly say I'm happy for starting new. Thank you all for your advice I'm sure the next girl is going to need it, not me ;)

[excon]

I have now met a really nice guy who is nothing but a good friend and we can talk for hours

Hello Steph:

Glad to hear it... Uhhhhh, did you ask this guy if his gun was loaded?

excon