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Steph_93 · Jul 7, 2012, 10:28 PM

Ive been dating my boyfriend for almost two years, we are both 19 and he has never had an orgasm in his life. He used to masturbate when he was going through puberty but dropped the habit as he got older. Hes not a chronic masturbator and he deffinately doesn't have an erectile disfunction, what is causing my boyfriend to not be able to orgasm/ejaculate? He's tried getting there on his own and nothing. I don't feel like it's a problem but I'm starting to think it could probably be a serious health issue. If we were to ever along the line plan to have kids, I don't want to know it's too late for us. He has mentioned that his brother has had one of his testicles removed due to testicular cancer... Maybe that might have a part in this. He has also mentioned that when he was younger there was some sexual abuse. I've never asked him what happened exactly but I respect his choice of not telling me. He is studying to become a doctor and he's a very intelligent guy, so he must know a lot more than I do on the topic but for whatever reason he doesn't like to talk about it... I just want to know if there's anything I should be worried about. Thank you guys for your time.

Wondergirl · Jul 7, 2012, 10:33 PM

It's time for him to see a urologist about this -- or maybe he has and isn't telling you about it. He needs to deal with the emotional fallout from the abuse too. I would think that doing that would make him a much better doctor in all sorts of ways.

What is this all about? "He used to masturbate when he was going through puberty but dropped the habit as he got older. Hes not a chronic masturbator."

Steph_93 · Jul 7, 2012, 10:48 PM

He's not much of a liar, if he had something that wasn't very pleasing for my to hear he'd tell me but in a manner that kind of softens the blow. He's been wanting to ejaculate while we have intercourse for a while now so if anything he'd be ecstatic to let me know he has ejaculated during masturbation... Which he doesn't normally do on his own. He finds masturbation to be healthy but finds pornography offensive so he doesn't really madturbate only if we're having intercourse. That's also only when I ask him to. I feel I should have been clearer. He doesn't really like madturbating so he just doesn't do it. He would masturbate when he was younger but he told me he stopped. That's just the way he is, he can change his mind about something in an instant and just never do it again. For example, he was a vegetarian for about two years and just recently he started eating meat again just because. Sorry I feel I'm getting off track but I feel like mentioning these things are important to why he is the way he is...

Wondergirl · Jul 7, 2012, 10:52 PM

His lack of interest in masturbating concerns me. I wonder if he has ever had his testosterone level checked.

Steph_93 · Jul 7, 2012, 10:57 PM

As far as I know, he hasn't. I too found that strange... At his age it's usually the opposite. I also feel bad because I have multiple orgasms but he's never had a chance to have one, I'm usually the one who finds more interest in sex. I don't know what it is though because he loves having intercourse with me so it can't be his sex drive, and he has no problem (morally) with masturbation he just doesn't do it. I'll definitely talk to him about seeing a urologist.

joypulv · Jul 7, 2012, 11:12 PM

Sometimes abuse creates a fantasy world very much like the abuse, whether the person wants it or not.
Did he specifically say he didn't want to talk about it? Maybe tell him that you are always willing to just listen, and won't quiz, just let him talk. (Perhaps you have said that.. )

Steph_93 · Jul 7, 2012, 11:22 PM

Yes I've tried that a few times. Quite a few amount of people have told me about their experiences with sexual abuse and I have always been very careful about the subject. The moment he actually said he didn't want to talk about it instead of changing the subject, I stopped and never talked about it again. He had told me about it before we had started to have sex when we first started dating and I would be very carful and always ask if it was okay ifi did a certain thing. At first he was a bit shy but after two years we deffinatley have come out of our shells and we are both willing to try just about anything. Some people say maybe he needs to relax but I assure you that is not the problem. If it's a mental thing I want us to see a professional about it themoment he is ready to talk about things. We need to overcome whatever it is so I can show him my gratitude for all he's done for me.

smearcase · Jul 8, 2012, 02:41 AM

I had a friend who quit smoking for a while and was able stop that one day just by lighting up. I am being a bit facetious but just not very impressed that someone can change from being a vegetarian to meat eater in no time flat. There is a ton of info available about this malady on the internet if you search. How much extensive medical education has he achieved so far at age 19?
Maybe he has a medical situation, an emotional influence, or maybe you aren't really arousing him. He only masturbates when you are watching him? Shouldn't you be more involved?
Sorry, but this sounds a lot like Jerry Seinfeld's girlfriend who contracted gonorrhea from a tractor seat to me.
If you were asking about the chances of getting pregnant here, others would be telling you about how easily that can happen when sperm starts getting released--maybe that is his real concern.

joypulv · Jul 8, 2012, 07:00 AM

It sounds like he really appreciates you, and that it might just be a matter of waiting. He should see someone alone though, if he ever goes. If it does relate to his past, the therapy is for him, not for you as a couple. That might come later.
He may be wary of going because of the career path he's on, even though he shouldn't be.

Steph_93 · Jul 8, 2012, 07:33 AM

The whole masturbation thing is hard for me to explain... He doesn't masturbate, only when we're having sex do I sometimes ask him to touch himself because I find it arousing. That's basically it. And he's still going to college, he just finished his first year. He knows a lot about mental health as well so I'm sure he knows what's going on with himself, he just tends to be a bit proud at times and that may be what's stopping him from seeing someone. I doubt he's afraid of impregnating me, we always use a condom and if anything he'd be a bit more fond of the idea than I would. If the problem is me not arousing him then I wouldn't know what to do... I'm not an unattractive girl and even if I was, I'm a D cup and I've lasted 6 hours with him having intercourse. If that didn't get me anywhere I get the feeling this is either a psychological or medical problem, maybe a bit if both?

JudyKayTee · Jul 8, 2012, 07:58 AM

I'm not reading that he's not aroused - I am reading that he can't ejaculate.

Once again - this is a two year relationship. Ask him. Sit him down and calmly and reasonably ask him.

I don't know what "I'm not an unattractive girl and even if I was, I'm a D cup ..." has to do with the situation. Does a cup size make up for ugly?

excon · Jul 8, 2012, 08:05 AM

Hello S:

If he doesn't ejaculate, irrespective of whether it's because he won't or can't, IS a medical problem in any case. He needs to see a doctor.

excon

joypulv · Jul 8, 2012, 08:08 AM

SIX HOURS?

Now it's starting to sound like you have some need to defend your attractiveness and aren't certain that this isn't about you. Time for that REAL talk, as JudyKayTee just said.

Wondergirl · Jul 8, 2012, 08:09 AM

Can he have an orgasm, but doesn't ejaculate? There is something called retrograde ejaculation --

Retrograde ejaculation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Steph_93 · Jul 8, 2012, 08:28 AM

Well he finds big breast arousing, so I figured its not me. So far what I'm getting here is that it's a medical problem so I'll sit down and talk to him about it, I worry for his health. Other than this he's as healthy as a whistle. Thank you all for your advice.

Steph_93 · Jul 8, 2012, 08:39 AM

If I'm coming off as cocky to a few of you that's because I want to make it clear that I don't blame myself for this. A few other girls on here have the same problem with their boyfriends and it's easy to blame oneself for this. I feel like this issue is more complex than just not being arousing enough. If that were true the problem would be not being able to get an erection.

JudyKayTee · Jul 8, 2012, 08:43 AM

Originally Posted by Steph_93

If I'm coming off as cocky to a few of you that's because I want to make it clear that I don't blame myself for this. A few other girls on here have the same problem with their boyfriends and it's easy to blame oneself for this. I feel like this issue is more complex than just not being arousing enough. If that were true the problem would be not being able to get an erection.

I said that in #11 above - he is aroused; he isn't ejaculating.

Wondergirl · Jul 8, 2012, 08:43 AM

Please post again to keep us informed as to how this plays out. He has such a great future ahead of him, so I hate to think he is shorting himself somehow.

excon · Jul 8, 2012, 08:44 AM

Hello again, S:

Let's be clear.. It's NOT about you. It's NOT about being aroused. It's NOT about copulating. It's ABOUT ejaculating.

If he DOESN'T, that's NOT normal. I wouldn't TALK to him about it. I'd schedule an appointment with a urologist, and TAKE him.

excon

Steph_93 · Jul 8, 2012, 08:58 AM

As much as I appreciate your concern, I'd rather not force him to go see a urologist. I have no say in what he wants to do with his body. He is mature enough to be able to say yes I want to go or no I don't want to go. Chances are after I show him how concerned I am he will agree to go.