[NiJaBr]

No I will not, She starts at 5:00 and she will be home after I am in bed.

[Wondergirl]

Will you do your best to find a counselor in your area to help you figure this out?--how to deal with her, etc.

Leave her a short, sweet upbeat "proud of you" note somewhere where she will see it, like on the bathroom mirror.

[NiJaBr]

Yes, I need one to talk with

That is a good idea... I will leave some sort of message for her for when she gets home.

Thank you

[Wondergirl]

Please please please keep me (us) informed as to how this is going!

[NiJaBr]

I will... This is and has been an ongoing issue in my house, and I appreciate all the feedback I get :)

[louise1928]

. The best thing to do is to MAKE her see what she is doing to herself try to find people who have been through similar things let them tell her what will happen to her if she carries on with the drugs. Your going to be upset about her lashing outs, she's a teenager that needs a good lesson get her to do volunteer work in homeless shelters (if possible) then she can see she hasn't got it so bad. That's proberly what's she's thinks; life isn't fair my mums horrible all this stuff... Really you're a great mum and you haven't done any thing wrong, she got in the wrong crowd that's it. My older sister had similar trouble's she now has a daughter and is very happy. It will all work it's self out in the end. If your other daughter is old enough maybe they could have teenager chat, teenagers usually prefer to talk to their own kind. Good luck.

[NiJaBr]

. The best thing to do is to MAKE her see what she is doing to herself try to find people who have been through similar things let them tell her what will happen to her if she carries on with the drugs. Your going to be upset about her lashing outs, shes a teenager that needs a good lesson get her to do volonteer work in homeless shelters (if possible) then she can see she hasn't got it so bad. That's proberly what's she's thinks; life isn't fair my mums horrible all this stuff... Really your a great mum and you haven't done any thing wrong, she got in the wrong crowd that's it. My older sister had similar trouble's she now has a daughter and is very happy. It will all work it's self out in the end. If your other daughter is old enough maybe they could have teenager chat, teenagers usually prefer to talk to their own kind. Good luck.

Thank you for the advise Louise, that's the kicker though... My ex (not her father) was an addict, and cause a lot of trumoil in the home, he is no longer a part of our lives but she saw first hand how an addict ruins their and people around them lives... I didn't think she would go this route because of this.
I too was a terrible teen and I talk to her about my choices and how they have had a life changing affect on me... I got pregnant at 18 (her being the baby) and I turned my life around... I want more and better for her, she sees me struggle finacially and how hard it is to be a single mom with no support from the Dad... This is why I don't understand the anger she has towards me.

[talaniman]

How old is your other child, and is it a boy, or girl? How are they're grades, and behavior?

I think its time to let go and let her make her own mistakes, but tighten up the rules a bit, and enforce them. Do you have any male or females that are older, and trusted that can help you deal with this adult/child?

I have no doubt she like you, will only learn from her mistakes, so be prepared to kiss her boo boo, let her grow and fail. I agree that she should earn trust, and privileges, and OBEY the rules of the house, but if there are no consequences for bad behavior, what's the point?

You need some one to keep track when you are at work. Personally their would be no job without behavior you can trust in, and frankly who trusts a hard headed kid to do the right thing when they skip appointments at will?

Good grades, or no job, and find out about her friends and their parents, without her knowledge. She has no fear of you, or what you do, and that contributes to a lack of respect. You really need to parent from position of love, yes even tough love, not a position of fear that they won't like you.

Treat her like the wayward brat she is, and not the cute bright kids she was. I bet if several adults were on your side in putting the proper discipline in place with a loving boot up her azz, she wouldn't get away with this behavior, and you should have made that clear with her therapist from the outset.

If you cannot take control of your daughter, take control of your house, your life, and yourself.

Accept nothing less. Who cares if she is happy about it?

[jenniepepsi]

Your daughter is on the same path I was at that age. I got a boyfriend who smoked pot, started smoking myself, my grades dropped (because I would ditch class to smoke) and most of my relationships with friends and family both, were destroyed.

Was your daughter abused in anyway at any time in her life? (this isn't ALWAYS the case, but sometimes it can be) this would be a way of subconsciously acting out the feelings that come with that.

The best advice I can give you, is be there for her, continue to offer support, help, try to get her to get into counselling. It took me until well into adult hood to grow up and get over some of the immature adolescent behavior. It may take her time too.


And, though I don't agree with the laws, be wary of how you handle this. She is 17. You don't want to push too hard, or be SO strict that the second she is 18, she can walk out your door, and never come back. Always keep your door open (symbolic door) but also, don't let her walk all over you.
It's a hard balance. But at this age, you can't just keep enforcing the 'im the parent you're the child, do as I say' because its just not true any longer.

Oh and I did forget to mention, she lives in your house, and she should absolutely follow the rules, and if she does not, there should be consequences.

[NiJaBr]

Your daughter is on the same path i was at that age. i got a boyfriend who smoked pot, started smoking myself, my grades dropped (because i would ditch class to smoke) and most of my relationships with friends and family both, were destroyed.

Was your daughter abused in anyway at any time in her life? (this isnt ALWAYS the case, but sometimes it can be) this would be a way of subconsciously acting out the feelings that come with that.

the best advice i can give you, is be there for her, continue to offer support, help, try to get her to get into counselling. it took me until well into adult hood to grow up and get over some of the immature adolescent behavior. it may take her time too.


and, though i dont agree with the laws, be wary of how you handle this. she is 17. you dont want to push too hard, or be SO strict that the second she is 18, she can walk out your door, and never come back. always keep your door open (symbolic door) but also, dont let her walk all over you.
its a hard balance. but at this age, you can't just keep enforcing the 'im the parent you're the child, do as i say' because its just not true any longer.

Oh and i did forget to mention, she lives in your house, and she should absolutely follow the rules, and if she does not, there should be consequences.

Thank you for the advise and sharing your experiences.
No abuse was with my daughter, but I was in a bad relationship with a man when she was about 8, and he abused drugs... It was a hard time for all of us.
I try to be the open door that she needs but it gets hard when I get the verbal abuse from her... at this point I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.
I have taken her to therapy, but she would never go and would miss appointments all the time, I have pointed and guided her in the right direction, but she needs to make the commintment.
But she knows and I tell her that no matter what I'm her Mom and I love her regardless and I will always be there for her.