[tella]

Hi everyone
I met this guy after I had just graduated from college, I told him I was planning to
Travel abroad. we started dating then he told me about his long relationship which just broke up with the mom of his daughther. Then we had this distance relationship and were planning together our future. When I was pregnant for our second child that is when I got hints that he is married. I met his family when
Our relationship started no one told me he was and is married, it is almost 12years I am in it. Someone help me

[ScottGem]

Help you with what? You are a mistress without a clue. Leave him and file for child support.

[Alty]

So you found out that he's married while pregnant with your first child, but went on to have two more children with this man?

He's married, and after 12 years it would seem obvious that he's not planning on leaving his wife for you. So what do you need help with?

[tella]

I am considering leaving, I just don´t want to start a new relationship now because my kids are still too young and sometimes I really get worried what becomes of them should anything go wrong with me.
Child support is not the issue here, he´s paying and besides still provides more for them

[Fr_Chuck]

So stay his mistress, work out a deal on how much he will pay you for the kids each month, he leaves his wife's bed and comes to sleep with you now and then. The wife should know of course that she is sharing you. And he should be sure to leave your kids in the will latter.

Of course you could have some self respect, leave him, get a job, file for child support and let him pay you though the court.

[Alty]

i am considering leaving, i just don´t want to start a new relationship now cos my kids are still too young and sometimes i really get worried what becomes of them should anything go wrong with me.
child support is not the issue here, he´s paying and besides still provides more for them

Again I ask, what do you need help with?

Sounds like you've accepted this life, that you'll never have a man that's just yours, that your kids will never have a father that's always there for him.

If something happens to you, he's their biological father. Does his wife know about you and his 3 other children?

Personally, you made your bed, but I really find this situation unfair to your children.

[ScottGem]

child support is not the issue here, he´s paying and besides still provides more for them

Do you think he will continue to pay if you kick him out?

[tella]

I am very sure he will carry on with d payments but will never want to have anything to do with d kids.
This he told me already.

[Fr_Chuck]

And to be honest what type of example of moral life and character is this, a man who will only see the kids if you have sex with him, and what does that really make you, selling your body for visits with the kids.

It also shows he does not really love the kids or want to be with them.

So what example is he to them.

Would they be better off seeing you do the right thing ?

[joypulv]

If you are at the stage of talking about what would happen, you need to be prepared legally. What country is this in? If the US, what state? Is his name on the birth certificates, and/or was DNA testing done?

[tella]

Thks for your mails. We live in austria and 4 sure his name is on their B. certificates

[joypulv]

Talk to a lawyer. Failing to leave because you don't have another relationship to go to or because you don't know what would happen to the kids if something happens to you is not the way to look at this. He lied, his family lied, who knows why, but it deserves good compensation. I'm always curious how men juggle two families secretly, and how the women manage to be so gullible about business trips and so on, but that's another story.

[JudyKayTee]

I'm having trouble with this whole story BUT if you are waiting to get into another relationship before you leave this one you have learned nothing from the experience.

No matter what happens you can't force him to be a good father.

If this is how he "operates" he's probably looking around to replace either his wife or you so it's just a matter of time.

And I always have the same thought - this is what you want for your children? He's injured, he dies, his wife issues an ultimatum your children will grow up without a father (not that they have much of one now).

I have too much self respect to be part of this triangle.

[dallen]

Shame on the lack of self esteem of some women. Love yourself lady and leave the married man alone- HE'S MARRIED!! Sure as hell sounds like he loves himself! Your 12 yrs have all been a lie and I feel sorry for those babies who will NEVER have his full and undivided attention. All you are is a form of security to him in case the wife acts up he knows you will be there to open your "doors". The truth hurts but it shall set you FREE!

[JudyKayTee]

Shame on the lack of self esteem of some women. Love yourself lady and leave the married man alone- HE'S MARRIED!?!?!! Sure as hell sounds like he loves himself !! Your 12 yrs have all been a lie and I feel sorry for those babies who will NEVER have his full and undivided attention. All you are is a form of security to him in case the wife acts up he knows you will be there to open your "doors". The truth hurts but it shall set you FREE!!

I have a problem with this partcularly the caps which are the same as shouting.

I recognize your screen name from the Legal boards - your "now" husband fathered a child with a married woman during your relationship with him - and you are still with him.

Do I think this OP got into a relationship, found out the truth, chose not to leave and is now "stuck?" Yes, I do. Do I think it's sad? Yes. Do I often see "sure as Hell" from a person who is suggesting God's help on another thread? No.

I think some threads strike too close to home for those of us who answer to be objective. I think this is the case here.

I see no need to scream at this OP who appears not to know what to do next, particularly when you've been through something emotional involving your husband/boyfriend and a married woman.

She is not the married woman who had sex with your husband. She's somebody trying to figure out how to manage her life and the lives of her children.