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HankMarvin · Jul 2, 2012, 10:10 AM

Me and my partner have been together for around 2 years. About a year ago, she misscarried. Shortly after I asked for a week to think about us, since the miscarriage affected me too (even if not physically). I reassured her I would be faithful, and that I just needed time.

Anyway. She took about 3 days and hooked up with another guy. Much pleading and stupid behavior by me, eventually I caught them and just walked away. 2months later when the new guy left her, she's back, begging me back.

So I take her back, and say that I'm not sure, but ill give it a try and see what happens. Things aren't always the same etc etc.

So after another month or so, I've just about decided its not working on the same day as we find out she's pregnant! This was unplanned and neither of us wanted it after the miscarriage only a few month before. Anyway, in the end she decides to keep it (him).

So I thought I should try and stick things out, hopefully things would get better.

All through the pregnancy, the birth, and since I have been miserable. I don't know how to feel about me son. He wasn't wanted, but of course I wouldn't wish it different NOW. I just feel numb. I want to be a good dad, but I'm not happy with my partner. I explain to her, and its like she doesn't want to realise what I am saying. I came from family where my father wasn't there from age 12 I didn't see him at all, until he died. Im torn in two here. I don't want to be like HIM, like my lame excuse for a father. Someone please help me, I really feel like the bad-guy

mmresd · Jul 2, 2012, 10:23 AM

You can be a good father without needing to be with her, they are two completely different things. If you don't feel good with her, then leave her, but make sure you are there for your son.

EnigmaMCMLXIV · Jul 2, 2012, 12:57 PM

Wow this is an interesting situation. I am with Javi on this one. First of all three days after you said you needed time she went off with another fella? I guess people grieve differently. In hind sight I would have used a condom practiced some kind of safe sex. But here's the deal, children are happy when they are loved. The parents do not have to live in the same house to love a child. You have to be a responsible parent and raise this person to be all he can be. Be very active in his life, make sure he is taken care of in all aspects of his life. As for his mother you do have to respect her as his parent and make sure he knows this. In the mean time take care of you. If you are happy he will be as well. :)

HankMarvin · Jul 3, 2012, 02:14 AM

Thanks guys. It's a weird situation really. Due to her infidelity in the past, I guess, I found it easier to trust her during the pregnancy. I attribute this to the fact our relationship changed and I took on a more supportive friend like attitude. As soon as my son was born she was asking how I felt about us, and I didn't have an answer.

HankMarvin · Jul 3, 2012, 02:17 AM

Oh and she got pregnant DESPITE me using contraception. I blame the peanuts I ate lol

J_9 · Jul 3, 2012, 03:46 AM

Have you had a paternity test done? If not, I would suggest you do so.

HankMarvin · Jul 3, 2012, 04:03 AM

I haven't as yet had j paternity test. I don't think there is much doubt that I'm the father. Dr advised that Condoms are 92-96 % so it could be that. Ive considered a test but just for legal backup really.

J_9 · Jul 3, 2012, 04:05 AM

And birth control pills are 99.9% effective, yet I had 2 children using both the pill and the condom correctly.

HankMarvin · Jul 9, 2012, 02:20 AM

Hi again, further to my question 'break up after birth', I would like to ask for advice in how to deal with my parental contact. Im not accustomed to being the dumpor rather than the dumpee. In that situation NC worked for me to help ease the heartache. But in this instance the situation is reversed. I am not contacting her, but I have seen my son every weekend. At 8 weeks old he is a little young for me take for a night as he is breastfed. I would like a little advice on how to sympathetically give my ex the time and space she needs, and still see my son, without dredging up her (and my) upset feelings, every time I visit. I understand this is perhaps a tall order, but I would prefer to still be able to visit my son weekly. Many thanks in advance, and again thank you for the advice in my past post.