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Simply confused · Jun 26, 2012, 12:08 PM

Ive been with my boyfriend going on 8yrs come July. About 5 yrs ago is when I lost the attraction for him. I had just gotten out of a serious relationship two weeks prior to meeting him. I was head over heels for him and spilled my heart out to him a week after seeing him. My dad passes 2 months after dating and he attended my fathers funeral with me. Come December of the same year he vanishes for 2 weeks and I don't hear from him till after new years. I wanted nothing more to do with him after that because I was hurt and felt as if he just chewed my heart up and spit it out. I was tricked into answering his call by a relative. He called her house and she calls me off her cell which I found very weird because we lived diagonally across from one another. She tells me that I have a important phone call at her house so not thinking I walk over and answer the phone. It was him! I looked at my relative in discouragement. She knew I was not happy about the stunt she just pulled on me. Anyway, about 3 weeks went by. He would come into my place of work on the days I was working. Then I went out to a family camp and all of a sudden he was there. I really had no intentions of even speaking to him. I believe in giving people second chances and this I did with him. We have been together now off and on for the last 8 yrs. We now have 2 daughters together and I already had a son before I met him. I ended up doing most of the parenting thing on my own. His way of helping me was to elbow me at 3 a.m. And say "the baby is crying" and he go back to bed. I did this with both of our children. This was irratateing because as much as he spoke about wanting to be dad he did not take responsibility as one. My boyfriend works 8 hrs a day and most of the time 5 days a week. When he comes home he thinks his day is over with and I am yet stuck with all the duties ( taking care of my beautiful babies, yard work, making repairs around the house, and working on my car) while he is sitting in the ac drinking a cold beer. This has continued even now. He speaks to me like I am no one and when I get mad about something that he said, he tries to comfort me by saying "oh baby I was just joking", everything is a joke when I get mad about it. He even had the nerve to tell me that I got my tubes tied so that I could have sex with whomever I please. That was hurtful. I feel like I am worth more than what he gives me. I do the work of a mother and a father. Could this be reasons I don't find my partner attractive anymore? Could this be why I don't want to have sex with him anymore and I am always thinking about what my life would be like if I was single and living on my own? Please someone explain this to me.

schooling2012 · Jun 26, 2012, 01:41 PM

It sounds like he's emotionally abusive, comfortable,and lazy it doesn't sound like there is any excitement in the relationship just working and taking care of home. Having two kids with one person kind of puts you in a difficult situation because even if you do leave him he will probably still be around some way. I know you said he doesn't help with the kids but he still sees them so that doesn't really tell me that he would completely abandon your kids if you were to break up. If he tends to be an unreasonable and difficult person you may still have to deal with it outside of the relationship being that you will still have ties with each other through your kids. But I would definitely say you are fed up and ready to give up because you have no excitement in your relationship and nobody is trying to make it better only worse. If you do still love him there are things you can do to make it better but if its all gone than I'd say it would be time to have the I'm not happy and this is why talk

Simply confused · Jun 26, 2012, 02:11 PM

Yes! You so got that down to the T! I've tried to leave him before and he always tried to stop me by blocking the door or taking my keys. He's 6'4 200 lbs and I'm only 5'6 and 108 lbs. he also treats my son different than my daughters. How would I go about having this talk? Should I do it face to face? Or should I leave first then explain why I left?

schooling2012 · Jun 26, 2012, 02:23 PM

Try and be the bigger person and have the talk first. See if he even has it in him to be understanding 8 years is a long time. If he can't be understanding that's when you have to do what's best for you and just leave. If he wants to make it difficult for you its only going to get more difficult for him try to get him to understand that with things like restraining orders and custody none of that is going to be worth it for the kids or you guys just because neither of you are happy and he won't let you leave. If he can be considerate and understanding maybe everything can remain civil and just.

Simply confused · Jun 26, 2012, 03:56 PM

Originally Posted by schooling2012

Try and be the bigger person and have the talk first. See if he even has it in him to be understanding 8 years is a long time. If he can't be understanding thats when you have to do whats best for you and just leave. If he wants to make it difficult for you its only going to get more difficult for him try to get him to understand that with things like restraining orders and custody none of that is gonna be worth it for the kids or you guys just because neither of you are happy and he won't let you leave. If he can be considerate and understanding maybe everything can remain civil and just.

Thank you for helping me. I will do just as you said. Let's hope he will be understanding. If not I'll still do what I need to do.