[dsdearlove]

I need help in getting my son to leave this marriage, he is just not listening to anybody.He met is wife three years ago she already had three children age 3 age2 and 6 months a year later they were married all the family accepted her with open arms. The father of her three children was trying to get full custody of the children on the grounds of her being a bad mother. I helped her through this has did my son and it did put a terrible strain on there marriage.Although I backed my daughter over the things her ex said I always had doubts that he was telling the truth.So far they have been to court 14 times and its still ongoing.She goes out on a regular basis with her friends, spends money for fun on clothes and make up and generally speaks to my son like dirt always having a go at him for one thing or another,never the less I kept my mouth shut and continued to have a good relation with her.Two weeks ago he turned up with his suitcase and said the marriage was over, he had been minding his step children and her 14 year old brother was staying while she went out with friends, she never returned home that night he tried ringing her and her friends but no reply.He left her brother the following morning and set off to her friends one friend said she had stayed at hers but had just left he went back home.She returned at 10am the following morning, he took her mobile phone from her and began charging it because it was dead,it was then that he saw she had been with another man, they were messages from the friend telling her to get home quick. Her previous partner claimed she cheated and gave him a sexual disease she always denied this and said it was him who was the cheat.He has now gone back home and forgiven her.This particular night when she went out I was at there house she called me upstairs to look at her new outfit and new shoes I told her to have a nice night and she gave me a hug before I left.The messages my son found on the phone made it ovious that she planned this before she went out for the evening.She has begged for forgiveness from both me and my son and he has now gone back home.I on the other hand am not so forgiving and am really upset that he has chosen to go back.

[Jake2008]

This is a sad situation for your son to find himself in, and particularly sad is the fact that there are three children involved here.

I think you've done above and beyond in accepting her, and helping her through her court battles, and being supportive of the marriage. No doubt you've come to love the children too.

But, it is not you that has been betrayed, it is your son. There are no guarantees for a mother in law, and no special relationship between you and her, where she needs to be honest, or trustworthy.

I don't blame you under the circumstances, to be hurt, and angry. I'm sure you are worried about your son, and the children.

You have no obligation to her, and should you back off, be less supportive, and unsure of her, that is a consequence of her actions, and should not be a surprise. You are under no obligation to support her behaviour, let alone accept it.

As hard as it is, be cordial, polite, and non-involved in their marriage, and its problems. Let your son make his own decisions, and don't engage in any conversations with him, about her. Keep a respectful distance.

Easy? No. I wonder what I would do, and how I would be should this situation happen with my son, and I hope that I could follow my own advice.