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Mazda619 · Jun 23, 2012, 03:46 AM

Hi so I am 17 years living in australia and have recently told my parents and some of my friends (haven't fully told anyone except for here) that I am gay, so far everyone I have told has been cool with it.

So my question is, there aren't many gay (out and basically couldn't care at my school) guys and a couple of them are like really girly and into all of that stuff where as I am still me and hate that stuff.

So there is a guy who is straight that I have feelings for and have liked since a bit before I started telling people, he is awesome and cute and has been understanding and supportive since a year ago.

Should I risk telling him? I mean yeah these feelings might pass or they may not and I am only in one class with him. I feel that if I tell him it will make things extremely complicated and I may loose a friendship. But if I don't tell him I don't know.

So what would your advice be? Any help will be better than no help

C0bra_M3nace · Jun 23, 2012, 04:22 AM

Hey,

Seems like you've got a very common issue. The classic, "I like my friend, but do I tell them?" you've got a slight twist being gay and him possibly being straight, it makes your decision a bit harder, but not much different.

Now, you already seem to know exactly what could happen. If you tell him, and he does not like you back in that way, there's a strong possibility it will ruin your friendship. If you can accept the fact that if you tell him, he will probably no longer be your friend, you never know he may end up liking you back, but there still lies the possibility of him feeling awkward from it. If you really want to keep him as a friend, but you'll have to move on from your feelings.

Good luck my friend.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 23, 2012, 04:25 AM

Ok, you want to tell a straight guy, you are gay, what do you think will happen, if you tell him he is hot, most likely he will bust you in the mouth. Straight guys have no sexual interst in gay men.

Would you have a sexual interest in a cute girl if she came up to you and said you were hot ?

You come out, if you are gay and want to be out, and find other gay guys.

There are a smaller number to choose from that if you were dating girls, it will be harder so you have to look and wait.

C0bra_M3nace · Jun 23, 2012, 04:28 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Ok, you want to tell a straight guy, you are gay, what do you think will happen, if you tell him he is hot, most likely he will bust you in the mouth. Straight guys have no sexual interst in gay men.

Would you have a sexual interest in a cute girl if she came up to you and said you were hot ?

You come out, if you are gay and want to be out, and find other gay guys.

There are a smaller number to choose from that if you were dating girls, it will be harder so you have to look and wait.

If you read closely, he did say that he told this guy that he likes already and he is okay with the fact that he's gay. He just has no idea that he likes him.

Originally Posted by Mazda619

So there is a guy who is straight that I have feelings for and have liked since a bit before I started telling people, he is awesome and cute and has been understanding and supportive since a year ago.

Mazda619 · Jun 23, 2012, 04:31 AM

Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

Hey,

Seems like you've got a very common issue. The classic, "I like my friend, but do I tell them?" you've got a slight twist being gay and him possibly being straight, it makes your decision a bit harder, but not much different.

Now, you already seem to know exactly what could happen. If you tell him, and he does not like you back in that way, there's a strong possibility it will ruin your friendship. If you can accept the fact that if you tell him, he will probably no longer be your friend, you never know he may end up liking you back, but there still lies the possibility of him feeling awkward from it. If you really want to keep him as a friend, but you'll have to move on from your feelings.

Good luck my friend.

Hey

Thanks, yeah like I know they have had a girlfriend before but Then there's that whole other side of would they tell like their friends. Because sadly that has happened to me with 2 friends.

C0bra_M3nace · Jun 23, 2012, 04:36 AM

Originally Posted by Mazda619

Hey

Thanks, yeah like I know they have had a gf before but Then there's that whole other side of would they tell like their friends. Because sadly that has happened to me with 2 friends.

Unfortunately there's no telling on what would happen past that point. It would really depend on the morals he carries.

Mazda619 · Jun 23, 2012, 04:41 AM

Well I know he is inst that sort of person like if they do get angry and that they never take it out on anyone

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Would you have a sexual interest in a cute girl if she came up to you and said you were hot ?

Ok so when it comes to women I can tell you what I think of them and their looks but that is it. Where as guys I can like and get feelings towards and that stuff.

Mazda619 · Jun 23, 2012, 04:43 AM

Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

Unfortunately there's no telling on what would happen past that point. It would really depend on the morals he carries.

And that is the hard part, I mean and this is with almost everyone, there are things you prefer to keep to yourself and that so I mean I would have no idea on that part

C0bra_M3nace · Jun 23, 2012, 04:51 AM

Originally Posted by Mazda619

And that is the hard part, I mean and this is with almost everyone, there are things you prefer to keep to your self and that so I mean I would have no idea on that part

My friend, when my father raised me, he raised me not to care or give a crap about what other people have to say, only my opinion about myself matters and the ones who love you will accept you no matter what.

That's probably the only thing that got me through school growing up. I can't compare my hardship to your if you were to openly, publicly come out about your sexualitym but it's somewhat comparable in a bottom line sense.

I never wore expensive jeans or shirts, my parents were struggling with debt my entire life and still to this day. I was scrutinized, made fun of, teased and humiliated by rumours and embarrassing confrontations. You know what kept me strong, my father always telling me that no one else's opinions mattered. It became almost a mindset, I mean I still got upset don't get me wrong any kid would, but I never let it drag me down. Moving into high school I was 14, I had gotten a scooter/moped. I thought I was the coolest kid around, no one else did, I got teased even more, my scooter was trashed, has stuff poured onto it, someone even stole the handle grips off it, but it didn't get me down. I thought I was cool, my dad thought I was cool and my close friends didn't mind. I was 14 for crying out loud, and I could drive anywhere I wanted.

Sorry about the rant, but the moral of the story. Coming out could be the best thing you could do, I know it would be tough, but who cares what other people think. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

Mazda619 · Jun 23, 2012, 05:22 AM

Yeah your right on that last line though. Well about that last post. Yeah once everyone knows then it prob will make decisions easier but I should have said it at the start to, but in a way I stuffed up myself and my life by telling my friends first then my parents but when I told them I hadent told them friends at school knew and they still don't.

So like this of me starting to first tell friends happened this year like in April

C0bra_M3nace · Jun 23, 2012, 05:34 AM

Originally Posted by Mazda619

Yeah your right on that last line though. Well about that last post. Yeah once everyone knows then it prob will make decisions easier but I should of said it at the start to, but in a way I stuffed up my self and my life by telling my friends first then my parents but when I told them I hadent told them friends at school knew and they still don't.

So like this of me starting to first tell friends happened this year like in april

The way I look at it, be open about it. It's who you are, and those who stick with you are those who love you for who you are. The more people that know, the easier it will be for you to find a partner. You're still young too my friend, you've got a lifetime to find your special someone.

Mazda619 · Jun 23, 2012, 06:14 AM

Yeah, thanks for the advice and just chatting. As much as talking to my friends and another gay person who I know is good , (he is more into that things and we both don't like each in that way) it's just good to talk to someone else if you know what I mean (I don't really know how to describe it in words).

Homegirl 50 · Jun 23, 2012, 06:36 AM

I think you need to leave your friendship intact. What is the point in telling your straight friend you like him? It puts him on the spot and makes him feel uncomfortable. Personally I think it would be a selfish thing to do.
If he knows you're gay and he had any desire to be more than your Friend he would have said something to you.
Find someone who is gay, they are out there.

Mazda619 · Jun 23, 2012, 06:49 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Find someone who is gay, they are out there.

Yeah I mean there prob are. See for me which makes things harder, is there is less than 10 people out and public about being gay, bassically not including me, yes there are certain people who know not everyone though, only because I am trying to limit stress levels as I still at school.

I can understand where your coming from when you say selfish but me as a person I hate Lying to people which was part of the reason I started telling people along with it just felt like the right time

Homegirl 50 · Jun 23, 2012, 07:01 AM

Telling people you are gay is one thing when you're talking about honesty but telling a straight friend you like him is selfish, What is the point?
I have a couple of gay female friends and I would not appreciate them saying something like that to me. They know me, know I'm straight, we are friends. You don't need to tell everybody everything and call it honesty. It is self serving.
He is your friend. Respect his straightness and keep your feelings to yourself.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 23, 2012, 07:05 AM

My best friend is gay, but if he told me he had feelings for me, it would end the relatinship

Mazda619 · Jun 23, 2012, 07:16 AM

Ok so what I'm gathering so far is like you (all people) recon unless I can handle wrecking the friendship and handle having him hate me, I should just leave it as it is and not say anything. Yeah I maybe 17 but honestly when it comes to things (e.g. School I am hopeless).

Don't hate me that's me using my words to try and understand what is being said.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 23, 2012, 07:29 AM

I'm also saying if you respect your friend and the friendship, you will keep your feelings to yourself.

C0bra_M3nace · Jun 23, 2012, 07:31 AM

Originally Posted by Mazda619

Ok so what I'm gathering so far is like you (all people) recon unless I can handle wrecking the friendship and handle having him hate me, i should just leave it as it is and not say anything. Yeah I maybe 17 but honestly when it comes to things (e.g. School I am hopeless).

Don't hate me that's me using my words to try and understand what is being said.

No one is hopeless. We're all here for a purpose, and at 17 I don't expect you to know what that purpose is yet. You're still young, give it time.

Mazda619 · Jun 23, 2012, 07:41 AM

To be honest in the first place It wouldn't surprise me if he has thought it at one stage. There was even people talking about me and saying they prob thought I was gay, which I found out through telling them.

Yeah on 2 exams I got less then a combined score of 25 and this was one of the major end of year ones. I suck at just about everything (not some skinny person 2).

Even relationship with parents has always been bad (reason why I hadn't told them until a couple of weeks ago)