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Zorro44 · Jun 14, 2012, 08:14 AM

First of all I want you guys to know that I am a junior in college. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for almost a year now. Most of it was amazing, but this last month we have been fighting a lot. She finally came to the conclusion that she needs to take a break. She said she just wants to try someone else to see if she's really meant to be with me. We talked about it and she said she only wants to take one for a couple days and he said she only wants to kiss a guy and see of there are sparks. The thing is she already has the time and the guy she wants to kiss planne out! She denied planning it but I know she has. When I confronted her on that she said she has thought he was "cute" for a while now but she has never planned anything with him. So I guess my question is, does she really need a break or is she just using this as an excuse to cheat on me and not get in trouble?

P.s. She says stuff like "I won't take a break if you don't want me to." But I do want her to take one. If its for the right reasons...

P.p.s. She also says stuff like "I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you" and "It sucks that I'm having these feelings. I wish I wasn't!" and "Please promise to take me back afterwards"

Wondergirl · Jun 14, 2012, 08:19 AM

"Taking a break" is the "easy" let-down to breaking up permanently. Mature, committed couples don't "take a break" from each other. They work out the problem together.

Tallyman29 · Jun 14, 2012, 08:51 AM

Sounds like you're her backup plan in case this other guy she's interested in doesn't respond to her in kind. Don't be the backup guy, don't be taken for granted, get out of it now.

Zorro44 · Jun 14, 2012, 09:22 AM

I really don't think I'm her backup plan though... She said that even if she does feel sparks with this guy she is just going to take it as a sign that we need to do something to work on our relationship, and come back to me no matter what.

Wondergirl · Jun 14, 2012, 09:26 AM

That was a very comforting thing for her to say to you, very placating. Of course, the story isn't over yet. (You really think she isn't going to check out what those sparks mean?)

Zorro44 · Jun 14, 2012, 09:41 AM

That's exactly what I'm worried about. She will feel sparks an come back to me, and maybe we will work things out and be together forever. Bu I'm afraid she will always have that person in the back of her mind and always wonder what could have been with him.

She says she just wants to be sure... But if she does get sparks with this guy, wouldn't that just give her more doubts?

Wondergirl · Jun 14, 2012, 09:53 AM

Yes, it will give her more doubts and she will want to find out what those sparks mean. Or like you said, will regret it forever if she doesn't check it out.

talaniman · Jun 14, 2012, 12:55 PM

or is she just using this as an excuse to cheat on me and not get in trouble?

Dead on the money, the rest of her rap is sweet BS!! Let her go, don't look back, because you can do better.

slapshot_oi · Jun 14, 2012, 01:21 PM

Fact: Love is a numbers game. Ostensibly, your girlfriend is realizing that.

Originally Posted by Zorro44

... she only wants to kiss a guy and see of there are sparks. The thing is she already has the time and the guy she wants to kiss planne out!

That's the silliest thing I've read on here in months; a planned kiss?

Originally Posted by Zorro44

P.s. She says stuff like "I won't take a break if you don't want me to." But I do want her to take one. If its for the right reasons...

Are you serious? You're okay with this? Here's what will happen: she will kiss this guy, but, there won't be any sparks because she had set her expectations too high. Then she'll realize "Hey! There are plenty of other guys out there that I can kiss and might connect with! I need to tell Zorro44 that I want an extension on my break." And soon you'll find yourself answering her phone calls to listen to her thoughts on dates she had with other guys.

It's glaringly obvious that your girlfriend's maturity level is really low. So low that she's not ready for a serious relationship. Break up with her, stop contacting her and let her do her thing.

Zorro44 · Jun 14, 2012, 09:52 PM

Originally Posted by slapshot_oi

Fact: Here's what will happen: she will kiss this guy, but, there won't be any sparks because she had set her expectations too high. Then she'll realize "Hey! There are plenty of other guys out there that I can kiss and might connect with! I need to tell Zorro44 that I want an extension on my break." And soon you'll find yourself answering her phone calls to listen to her thoughts on dates she had with other guys.

I'm hoping there will be no sparks and she will realize "Hey, there's nothing special out there. What I have right now is the best!" or something along those lines..

Zorro44 · Jun 14, 2012, 10:01 PM

She just recently told me she doesn't want to take a break anymore. This really makes me think that she doesn't just want to cheat on me. She's doing what she thinks is net for our long term relationship. I know she might change her mind again, but the fact that at this moment she doesn't want to take a break, pretty much proves she only wants what is best for us. She's not just looking out for herself. Wouldn't you guys agree?

Wondergirl · Jun 14, 2012, 10:03 PM

How old is she?

Zorro44 · Jun 14, 2012, 10:16 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

How old is she?

She is 20

Wondergirl · Jun 14, 2012, 10:34 PM

Are you the only guy she has ever dated? If she ever feels sparks again for a guy (or you for a girl), you two can deal with that in a mature way?

m4a1 · Jun 15, 2012, 12:36 AM

It happened to me before. I say just drop it. Because, she's obviously trying out her options out there while you're here confused and all. And kiss him just to see if they were any spark?. Damn, open up your eyes to see the reality. Observe what she's doing.. You're like the plan b. And I'm pretty sure you don't want to be that guy. So I suggest.. Think everything through.

talaniman · Jun 15, 2012, 09:35 AM

I think you pay attention, and not just think she has dismissed the notion she has wanderlust to explore and experiment, but its on hold only to reassure YOU!

It hasn't stopped, just been covered up!

slapshot_oi · Jun 15, 2012, 10:07 AM

Originally Posted by Zorro44

She's doing what she thinks is net for our long term relationship.

I'm assuming by "net" you meant "best".

If she was doing what's best for the relationship, then why would she say this?

Originally Posted by Zorro44

"Please promise to take me back [after I kiss another guy]"

Don't be fooled. She is not doing what's best for the relationship nor is she doing what's best for herself. She's doing what's best for her security. Her greatest fear is to go on a date with another guy, realize there is no chemistry, and then on her way back to you, she finds that you no longer want a relationship. That would crush her because she initiated all of this.

Originally Posted by Zorro44

She's not just looking out for herself. Wouldn't you guys agree?

If she were looking out for herself she would tell you, "I want to see other people. I want more experience. We need to break up and go our separate ways." That would indicate maturity, honesty and above all decency. You would be hurt, but you would have no choice but to respect her decision. Instead, she's toying with you, which is not to her benefit because it will injure her reputation.

The power in this relationship has completely shifted to your girlfriend. She controls what happens unless you end the relationship. Given the way you've been handling this, this is the only power you have left. Use it!

mmresd · Jun 15, 2012, 10:12 AM

What you do is respect her decision, treat this as a break up, go no contact, and move on, forever.