[Leesar]

Let me first start by saying I'm not prone to jealousy, my boyfriend is a model and he's constantly surrounded by stunning girls a lot of whom he's very close to. There are only two girls in his life whom I have problems with one is his ex and one is this girl. He's known her for six years, he claims she's one of his best friends but before he and I got together they hadn't spoken for eight months and she's cruel to him a lot. Nowadays they text all day every day and call each other a lot, normally I'd have very little problem with that but she's constantly flirting with him, sending him dirty texts about how she's wearing tiny underwear for him or how much she wants him or what she's doing to herself whilst thinking of him etc and she's recently started telling him she loves him and wants to be with him. There was a point back in January were I found out he'd been flirting back (hey had a conversation about having sex on his dad's desk) and I assume he had been for some time. He's quite a flirty person anyway but this was going too far in my eyes and that's were my major trust issues began. As far as I'm aware he doesn't flirt any more but at the same time he doesn't discourage her, doesn't ignore her texts. I'm not even sure to what extent she knows about our relationship.

We've been together a year and eight months, and friends for eight years before that. I've brought this up countless times and though he sometimes claims to understand were I'm coming from nothing much changes. He thinks I should just deal with it, calls it 'harmless banter' (how can it be harmless when it's making me, the girl he's meant to love feel this bad?) and believes because he's honest about it (he claims to tell and show me everything) then it shouldn't be a problem. Or he'll try and reassure me by telling me I'm the one he's with, the one he loves.

I don't know what to do. I'm reaching the end of my tether. I love him to bits, always have but this is taking over my life, I'm constantly worried, upset and paranoid. Every time he gets a text or takes a phone call I worry that it's her. I don't want to ask him to drop her from his life because she's helped him through some stuff and I don't want to take away something that makes him happy. Plus this is a partnership not a dictatorship.

What do you suggest? If I'm being crazy please just tell me outright.

[I wish]

If you can't take the heat, then get out of the kitchen.

You already told him how you feel, yet he still continues to behave the same way. That's definitely unfair to you. It's like words go in one ear and out the other for him. Then he tries to brush you off by telling you that he loves you.

If you can't get through to him, then you're either going to have to accept him the way he is or find someone else who won't hurt you this way.

[rosemcs]

Yes, "I Wish" is right. You might not be able to imagine your life without him at this point, because you are so used to being around him, but at the moment that he hurts you, ask yourself if you like to play his games. It won't stop and you will just keep getting hurt the next day and the day after... what a life of pain.

I would (and have done this) be single, concentrate on my academic or other goals, and open the doors for another man that doesn't treat you like a woman that is his leftover.

They do exist.

[ollyfeatherhead]

If he really loved you, he would tell her to cut it out. But, from my intentions, it seems like he's being turned on by this. Or he would tell her to stop. Girls always find guys more attractive when they have girlfriends. So, now that he's taken, she wants him. Go to him and tell him how you feel AGAIN, and this time tell him that if he doesn't stop, that he can go and find someone else to cheat on. Which he did, he cheated on you. That's a reason to get rid of him right off the bat! I know it's hard, but you can find someone SO much better that will respect you. Good Luck!