[confusedmom78]

My second husband and I have legally ended our 9 year marriage about 5 months ago. Prior to making it legal... we had been having problems for about a year and tried to make it work. Subsequently my 15 year old daughter and I moved into our own apartment. My daughter is from my first marriage and was not upset with the divorce, as she is very close to her dad. Well, I began dating a great friend of mine who I have known for several years. Unfortunately, circumstances prevailed and I gave him a place to stay. We recently have gotten very close and are falling in love. Unfortunately, this is not sitting well with my daughter. So the moment she gets upset she calls her dad to come get her. For instance she had in her mind that she heard us having sex... and told her dad this and that she didn't want to live here... Of course, when I found this out via the text to her dad, I completely explained that what she actually heard was me crying... as I had lost my job that day and was VERY worried about the "financial" repercussions. I explained that I would never want to make her uncomfortable and would never do that while she is home. Anyway, this isn't the first time she has called dad and stepmom. Anyway, I know that the adjustments can be difficult but it just seems that everything is fine when she wants something and the moment is get boring or whatever... she calls up her dad and badmouths me. I have constantly explained to her that she is my world and I love her more than ANYONE or ANYTHING and I would change it all if it would make things better for us. It just doesn't seem to matter to her. It feels like that even if I did change everything the moment something didn't go her way or I disagree with her... she would be back on the phone texting her dad to come get her.

I guess I'm not sure how to handle it. She is at her dad's now and I don't know if I should fight harder to get her to come home or if she is just using the parent against parent trick and I should just let her be until she comes to her senses. I know she is a child and I know that this is a tough time in life. I just feel she gets very angry and doesn't realize the reality of the situation prior to running off. I love her more than life and it is killing me.

[JudyKayTee]

No question she's playing you against her Dad. Did the friend move in with you before or after the divorce?

You and her father need to set some common goals, have an understanding. She's 15 - it could be YEARS before she comes to her senses!

If she's unhappy with your living situation and you would do "anything" for her, maybe the living situation should change. On the other hand are you going to allow a 15-year old to run your life?

I'd get her into counselling. I'd also go myself and ask her Dad to go.

I think this will only get worse.

[Fr_Chuck]

I would assume the dad does not come get her when she calls

I would assume the dad tells her that you have custody and that she needs to work things out.

I would assume if he does not support you, you have reminded him that he would be in contempt of your custody order to try and come get her expect at his visit times.

While I have personal opinions about moving another man in less than 5 months after you leave your husband. That is another issue.

Even IF she heard you having sex, mom and boyfriend has sex, kids hear it, and have heard it for 100s of years.

She sounds like she is using you against him or trying to use dad to control you.

You need to have a long talk with DAD, and if he is not on board, remind him of the court orders,