[Albert2005]

We are marrried for 7 yrs, and we have 2 kids 4&2. For 4 yrs we don't sleep in the same bed. We had fights once in a while, basically because she insults me in front of my children (calling me an idiot etc). Recently 2 months ago, my mom got seriousli ill, and I was wery down.My wife says, she cannot stand this any more, and I spent 1-2hrs on weekends in the hospital to encourage my mom.Before that I was not very close to my parents, who live in another city... I feel that my wife does not have any respect for me.The more things I take care around the houe or kids, the less she appreciates it... She treatens with a devorce, which I am affrait will be bad for the kids.There is no other man or woman around... She seems not to be willing to accept compromises... Not willing to talk to me... I am trying not to "hear" the nasty comments she mumbles, but is this the way? Any advice?

[Fr_Chuck]

Let me see a divorce is bad for the kids, but the kids seeing you sleep in different rooms, the kids hearing you fight, hearing her ( maybe you too ?) talking about the other.

How is this GOOD for the kids. In fact if the mom and dad are not getting along, staying together "for the kids" can do them a lot of harm.

Have you both tried counseling, since normally it is not just the one, but issues both are having.

[Jake2008]

It is not too late to address all these issues.

The way I see it, you have to assert yourself, set some basic expectations, and raise the bar.

You do not have to live the way you do, but I urge you to not give up too soon, especially over something that may boil down to counselling and guidance. There are children to consider, and making changes with help, is in their best interests. And of course, both of you should be putting them first.

When communication takes a nosedive, nothing else seems to work very well. When issues are not resolved, and behaviour becomes negative and hurtful, things go from bad to worse, because this doesn't stop- it only gets worse.

Please seek counselling, and if she is not willing, please go for yourself. If you talk to someone face to face, and learn that any efforts you make are not resulting in positive change, then, and only then, would I advise you to leave. It takes great effort to work on a marriage, and it is the only way you will learn whether there is hope, or not.